I feel like dy1nG again. #Depression #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #breakup #Loneliness #fedup
Yeah, the guy I was talking about from America in my last post broke up with me the next day, I’m still in love with him and we talk and flirt and stuff yet he says he can’t do love right now, whatever that means. He broke up with me knowing I was in love with him and a week later he FaceTimes me saying he’s going to ask his girl best friend out and it killed me, my whole world broke, I really didn’t think I had gotten this attached to him but I did. I still am. I want him back so badly and it gets worse, I’m back with the ex that cheated on me with my step brother and I was in love with him and now I only love him, I want to so badly be in love with him again and trust him but he’s come back and left so many times I don’t know if I can ever love him again like I used to and I’d kill to be able to be in love with him. With the American guy my heart stops when he texts and his smile makes me smile and I love when he FaceTimes me but with the guy I’m with now (my ex of multiple times) I don’t feel that anymore, I don’t feel happy when he’s happy, I don’t look at him and the world around me stops, I do love him and I want to so badly be IN love with him but it’s so hard. Therapy isn’t working and they took me off antidepressants, my life is crumbling again when I thought just for a second I was gonna get to be happy, but I’m not happy, ever. There used to be at least 1 thing I enjoyed doing now there’s nothing, everything makes me tired and sad and unmotivated and the urge to kill myself or hurt myself is so overwhelming. I don’t wanna be alive anymore and it sucks. I wanna be happy. There’s a lot more but I can’t be bothered to type it all. If anyone actually read this far thank you.