Imagine a room. White walls and a black floor. It’s empty. No windows, no doors, no decorations. It’s cold inside. It is so cold that when you enter your bones shake, but as you spend more time in it you start to like the cold. And in rare moments when you are not in the room you feel like the warmth is bothering you, you miss that deadly cold. In that room no body can hear you no matter how loud you scream. There is no one to save you, to get you out of there, to help you.
And here I am, collapsed on the dark cold marble floor, like a stray animal. Unwanted and misunderstood. I look around. The walls, oh my god these walls kept me imprisoned for years. And I do not have the power to stand up, to break free. My soul hurts, my body aches and my heart is just empty. I’ve tried to break out of the room, to feel something, to be happy, but the walls are too strong. They leave scars and cuts and sometimes even if you break off a little piece and see the outside, the room consumes you. The walls grow taller, thicker and become sharper to touch. I am tired. So tired. I am not trying anymore. Not trying to exit. The room is stronger than me. So I just lay there. Forgotten. Broken. #alone #thinkingtomuch #suicidal #ihatethis