I was abused by both my grandfather (now dead) and a cousin and it’s completely fucked my life. I don’t think like other people, I’m not normal and even when I try and do something about it, it doesn’t change and I’m still an oddball freak. Medicine doesn’t help, counselling doesn’t help, I’m swimming against the tide and I’m drowning and I want to let go. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but even if I did nothing to deserve it, that brings me no comfort. Nothing brings me comfort, or joy, or even purpose anymore, and I’m now realising that’s the way it’s always going to be, no matter what I try and do to help myself.