child abuse

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    Today I'm really struggling with the way priests and religious leaders have taken my innocence and my freedom of living a life without torment, without the need to stand back and minimise myself for risk of being seen and then hurt again. I can't step into a church without that fear. Even trying by volunteering in different capacities has left me burnt and broken. My God is a God of love but I find no true love around me. I'm doubting that I will ever heal and the urge to selh harm to numb the pain is a constant and is fatiguing. I find more solace in a 12 step program. Wondering if there are any programs in Australia for CPTSD. I really need help. #ChildAbuse


    Am I wrong? #ChildAbuse #grooming Trigger warning

    My partner is from a different culture than me, although we were both raised in the same country. (Their parents are immigrants)
    My partners uncle is visiting from that country, and I have a huge issue with this uncle.
    When the uncle was 37, he married a 14 year old girl… this was in the late 1980/s or early 1990s. The uncle was wealthy and the family has always referred to his (now ex) wife as a “gold digger” and the uncle “was always in love with her” (she was 12 or 13 when he met her) They insist the uncle was always awkward, a stereotypical “computer nerd engineer”’type.
    I feel that this uncle is a pedophile and he groomed his “wife” and I refuse to be around him. However this is causing tension with my mother in law, who has stage 4 cancer.
    My partner says they are torn and can’t decide if the girl was a victim or not as she stayed married to the uncle for 15 years and they have 2 children.
    I don’t know if I should keep my mouth shut or keep singing like a canary to anyone who will listen? Is it possible this is a cultural issue and I just don’t understand? Does anyone know of a Ted talk or something I can show my partner to help them understand how awful this is? Any advice is appreciated.


    Do you have trouble sleeping due to flashbacks?

    * trigger warning*
    As a child I was molested by my best friend’s brother while he thought I was sleeping, it happened serveral nights. I laid there, frozen, not knowing what else to do. To this day I’m still unable to sleep unless my lower body is covered and against a wall and even then I toss and turn all night, scared, on high alert. I even have nightmares frequently where he takes it further. #PTSD #Flashbacks #Molested #Abuse #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse


    The mighty secretly removed sexual abuse story

    It wasn’t that it said only the mighty team could see it. It was literally just vanished. Without a trace. It was not detailed. I’m very confused. And also pretty pissed off. And really sick of this. I would appreciate it if the mighty staff would explain this sleazy removal. Because it’s flat out wrong. I thought the mighty was a place we could be honest about our problems and our lives. But that looks to be load of crap. And as someone with CPTSD I’m really getting sick of my life getting censored by the mighty and I don’t think I can do it anymore. I’d rather go back to fighting alone.

    P.s. But oddly they thought the post about my dad threatened to shoot me with his gun was okay.

    #TheMighty #CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse


    Self doubting thoughts

    Any other child abuse survivors constantly questioning their right to call themselves such? There’s also a thought in my head telling me I’m a liar. But when I tell people my life story they clearly see it as me being abused. But then I wonder if I’m just that convincing or perhaps we’re both liars. Idk why I do this to myself. And I don’t know how to make it stop. Part of my problem is I love my adoptive mom a lot. But she is abusive. But sometimes she’s not. And I wonder if people saw her on a good day. Would they call me liar for claiming abuse? Because we look “so normal and happy?”

    #CPTSD #PTSD #Abuse #Trauma #ChildAbuse #Enmeshment #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder


    I'm an undesirable

    Society doesn't care about people/victims of severe trauma

    Society loves abusers and glorifies them

    Society only likes non traumatized people who can function decently well

    Society looks down upon and judges people like myself who are too traumatized to make friends, hold down a job, or live on their own

    I wonder if highly trauamatized/mentally damaged people like myself are burdens to society

    Maybe people, especially normal functioning ones who came from good childhoods, suffer no trauma, and have few struggles,would feel happy if we stopped existing

    We are undesirables

    #Trauma #Abuse #MentalHealth #MentalIllness #Society #ChildAbuse


    Would You Have Compassion?

    Before asking me to have compassion of any sort for abusers like birth mother who think they are victims let me ask you this… would you?

    If your mom told you she had deadly cancer but it was all made up. Would you feel sorry for her? She lost weight from drugs and the gym (ever see a cancer patient hit your local gym? Me neither.)

    What if she claimed your family that raised you kidnapped you and brainwashed you when the reality is she willingly abandoned you to carry another man’s baby? A gang members baby!

    What if she told you were a twinless twin and your twin died in the womb? When there was never two fetuses according to everyone present during the sonograms.

    What if she lied that your dad was beating her and stormed through the streets to tell everyone about the beating that didn’t happen! And then proceeded to use the same lie with every other guy she ever dated.

    What if the reason your parents even got together was because your mom accused your dad of not being “man enough?” To be born out of manipulation sucks.

    What If she allowed-knowingly-her brother to molest you and your sister?

    What if she stole from you, send you messages to show you how much better life is without you, compared you to your sister so you know how much you failed, tries to sue you for telling your story.

    Does this sound like a victim to you? Maybe she was once but not anymore. I refuse to pity her. And I highly doubt if she was your birth mom you would feel any more for her than I do.

    I swear some people hear the word “abuse” and think being mean. Uh no. Just no. Abuse is serious. So please if you don’t picture something serious when you think of abuse then just don’t talk. Abuse is not a light word.

    #CPTSD #PTSD #Abuse #Trauma #ChildAbuse #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder


    How many CPTSD patients relate?

    A couple things I wonder if they’re common among us or not.

    1. Living your whole life in a fantasy world in your head. Mine always as long as I can remember involved a fantasy older brother who cared about me. It started with shaggy from Scooby doo… can you tell I have no imagination? Lol and was raised by TV!

    2. Wandering as a child and finding yourself in an inappropriate place without memory. I would wander from elementary school and find myself at 7/11. Crossed multiple streets without any memory of doing so.

    3. Paranoid delusions related to an abuser but oddly involve behavior they never did. I saw a truck yesterday drive off my property. It was white and my first thought was, “my dads here to steal his stuff back!” I felt panicked… then I realized my dad doesn’t have the white truck-we do. Oops. My dad has never invaded the home but my biggest fear is that he will and will refuse to leave. I’m terrified of it. I don’t know where my life would go if that happened.

    #CPTSD #PTSD #Abuse #Trauma #ChildAbuse


    Staring Down the Barrel

    So my adoptive dad was obsessed with money… because my adoptive mom once had a severe gambling addiction. So my mom would spend money sometimes to piss him off. He was abusive to her just fyi.

    So it’s my 12th birthday and my mom buys me 4 red eared slider turtles who I named after the ninja turtles 😅 However I decided one or 2 appeared to be female so I gave them female renaissance artist names. She bought a tank, heat lamps, etc. all the stuff… so it was expensive.

    My dad was an alcoholic and as me and my mom completely setting up the turtle tank my dad walked in angry. When he saw the tank he demanded to know the price. My mom said, “We can talk about it later, it’s our daughters birthday.” My dad was still pissed.

    He demanded we go buy him more beer. My mom was tired of being his enabler as people called her so she refused. Said she wasn’t doing it anymore. So my dad got out his hunting rifle and pointed it at me and her (I was standing beside her) and demanded again that we get him more beerS She looked at him in shock and I ran out the door after a moment of being froze. I had to force my legs to move.

    I ran as fast as I could down my neighborhood street to the only neighbor I trusted and banged on their door in a panic. They didn’t answer so I kept banging on the door. The neighbors across who I didn’t know at all were suddenly standing behind me. They told me those neighbors were on vacation. They asked if I was okay and if I needed help. I couldn’t speak. I was filled with terror and questions. Do I tell them? Do I keep my mouth shut? Why couldn’t my trusted neighbor just be here?

    The next thing I knew my mom was there beside me. She puts her arm around me and tells them that everything is fine and I’m just mentally ill. We proceeded walking home in silence. As we neared the house I stopped. I asked my mom why she said that and why she didn’t ask for their help. She said it was because it wasn’t a big deal and everything is fine.

    My mom had stored the gun and said she knew it wasn’t loaded. Clearly my father hadn’t known that. I spent my whole life trying to get my mom to understand how messed up that event was. She always convinced herself it wasn’t a big deal so I’m like, “mom you’re husband should never ever pull a gun on you or me. There is no circumstance where that is no big deal.”

    Today my mom and dad both understand how horrible it was. My mom more so than my dad. And my mom now hates guns. Which is why it took a lot to get her to ok me buying one. Including taking a safety class and training class. But I still appreciate that she cares.

    Thought I’d share my story with gun violence.

    #CPTSD #PTSD #Trauma #Abuse #DomesticAbuse #ChildAbuse #GunViolence


    Trauma Survivors vs Everyone

    I’m really getting sick and tired of people telling me how to feel or react or understand my abuse. I’m tired of people intentional turning innocent observations into me defending my abusers. I’m sick of it. SICK. Knock it off! You’re not me! You have not been where I have been! Do not tell me how to feel or handle my abuser! Do not treat me like I’m the bad guy for not reacting the way you want me to! You wonder why abuse victims keep their damn mouths shut??? THIS. Every move we make is studied and people find fault with everything we do because they know better. If you haven’t been here you do NOT know better! So just STOP!

    #CPTSD #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Abuse #Trauma #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse #ChildSexualAbuse