child abuse

Feeling exhausted with the struggle today - seems not matter how hard I fight I get no where and it’s tearing me apart.

I am an academic person . But the long lasting effects of child abuse the impact is so long reaching, the neglect of never having had a person support me through school and decision making for my future. The issue of the ptsd flashbacks that happened when my abuser tried to hunt me down in my undergrad. The way that left me. I hate it. I hate how far behind I am in life and I am filled with this toxic venomous seething rage . I am so angry. I want to destroy things I want to cry I want to starve myself I want to scream. It isn’t fair. The world isn’t fair. But they fucked up my future and I have been struggling and fighting for so long. So long. So long. To try and get somewhere trying to fix things to save money to develop a life. And I’m still broke, I’m still not working in anything meaningful and I am tired. My soul is tired. I never got any support because I could still put myself through school (at 85lbs fasting for weeks, having flashbacks and cutting) I still worked and so if you can mask your pain enough not to be a problem to society then it’s acceptable to just let you suffer. I have so much rage and I feel so powerless. #rant #Vent #realisationofimpact #failure #ChildAbuse

I want to confront a few of the narcissist that have thought I kept their secrets out of them being better than me. I kept the secrets to protect others who could not deal hearing the truth. I don’t want an apology and I’m not wanting to do this to cause any troubles. I don’t know if I can let move on from the trauma if I don’t say my peace. I have taken the time to seek out and participate in long term mental health therapies. I put in the work to love myself again. I know that there will be deflecting and I will be ok with it all. I just want to say what has been on my heart so that I can move on. I guess I’m asking for a second opinion if it’s a good idea or am I just being triggered not thinking clearly. Thanks #CPTSD #PTSD #Anxiety #SexualTrauma #ChildAbuse #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #SexualAbuseSurvivors

I’ve really started trying to take steps forward to try feeling better. I went to the doctor after a long time, found out I had diabetes, had to take pills for it. Took a chance and asked to see a therapist and got my one whose open and listens and understands what I’m saying… yet I’m so stuck in my ways, I feel like will I really ever be better? Is that even a chance for me? I’m so exhausted, so angry and frustrated, and I can’t let go of the past. I have been so unfairly treated by my closest family and friends, and I can’t accept and let go that they’ll never understand what they did wrong and they will never listen.
I feel so stuck, my chest is constantly in pain and I’m so freaking tired. So, so tired. And I really don’t have anyone that will listen and understand. But I know I’m the one who needs to make the changes to try to move on, but I am physically can’t. I can’t even go out the door for a simple walk down the street. I really don’t know what to do.

I am working with a therapist for this but I was wondering if there is anything that you all use to help you get through these horrible memories and leave them in the past. I have been doing EMDR with her and that does help some. I am just trying to get to leave the past in the past so I can enjoy my future

#PTSD #trama #ChildAbuse #forgive

So my mom passed last week. The week before she passed we were at the Drs office as they delivered the news that my mom had a few weeks left to live. My mom brought up my oldest brother and said I know that my brother didn’t rape you.
This was not a time or place I wanted to talk about it.

My mother and I never fully talked about what occurred with my brother when I was younger. My brother on more than one occasion was inappropriate with me as a child. I talked to him for most of my adulthood. A few years back I had flashbacks of the situations. Which I can see clearly as if they were yesterday. I decided it was too difficult for me to continue to act like nothing happened.

My mother basically wanted me to forgive my brother. Without knowing fully what the situations were. So my Mother on her deathbed wanted me to forgive and makeup with my brother.

I feel guilty as my mother has passed and I know that this would have made her so happy. Idk what to do. If I do it for my mom as it was her dying wish. Or stand strong and continue to feel guilty even thou I did nothing wrong.
#Mothers #BereavedMothersDay #mother #ChildAbuse #RapeSurvivors #adolescent sexual molestation trauma #Survivor of rape and or molestation

Today I'm really struggling with the way priests and religious leaders have taken my innocence and my freedom of living a life without torment, without the need to stand back and minimise myself for risk of being seen and then hurt again. I can't step into a church without that fear. Even trying by volunteering in different capacities has left me burnt and broken. My God is a God of love but I find no true love around me. I'm doubting that I will ever heal and the urge to selh harm to numb the pain is a constant and is fatiguing. I find more solace in a 12 step program. Wondering if there are any programs in Australia for CPTSD. I really need help. #ChildAbuse

My partner is from a different culture than me, although we were both raised in the same country. (Their parents are immigrants)
My partners uncle is visiting from that country, and I have a huge issue with this uncle.
When the uncle was 37, he married a 14 year old girl… this was in the late 1980/s or early 1990s. The uncle was wealthy and the family has always referred to his (now ex) wife as a “gold digger” and the uncle “was always in love with her” (she was 12 or 13 when he met her) They insist the uncle was always awkward, a stereotypical “computer nerd engineer”’type.
I feel that this uncle is a pedophile and he groomed his “wife” and I refuse to be around him. However this is causing tension with my mother in law, who has stage 4 cancer.
My partner says they are torn and can’t decide if the girl was a victim or not as she stayed married to the uncle for 15 years and they have 2 children.
I don’t know if I should keep my mouth shut or keep singing like a canary to anyone who will listen? Is it possible this is a cultural issue and I just don’t understand? Does anyone know of a Ted talk or something I can show my partner to help them understand how awful this is? Any advice is appreciated.

* trigger warning*
As a child I was molested by my best friend’s brother while he thought I was sleeping, it happened serveral nights. I laid there, frozen, not knowing what else to do. To this day I’m still unable to sleep unless my lower body is covered and against a wall and even then I toss and turn all night, scared, on high alert. I even have nightmares frequently where he takes it further. #PTSD #Flashbacks #Molested #Abuse #ChildAbuse #SexualAbuse