Feeling bad about my life today
Feeling exhausted with the struggle today - seems not matter how hard I fight I get no where and it’s tearing me apart.
I am an academic person . But the long lasting effects of child abuse the impact is so long reaching, the neglect of never having had a person support me through school and decision making for my future. The issue of the ptsd flashbacks that happened when my abuser tried to hunt me down in my undergrad. The way that left me. I hate it. I hate how far behind I am in life and I am filled with this toxic venomous seething rage . I am so angry. I want to destroy things I want to cry I want to starve myself I want to scream. It isn’t fair. The world isn’t fair. But they fucked up my future and I have been struggling and fighting for so long. So long. So long. To try and get somewhere trying to fix things to save money to develop a life. And I’m still broke, I’m still not working in anything meaningful and I am tired. My soul is tired. I never got any support because I could still put myself through school (at 85lbs fasting for weeks, having flashbacks and cutting) I still worked and so if you can mask your pain enough not to be a problem to society then it’s acceptable to just let you suffer. I have so much rage and I feel so powerless. #rant #Vent #realisationofimpact #failure #ChildAbuse