Last Thursday, my youngest, who is 8 months old, had a consultation with a genetics because he has feeding difficulties and airway difficulties. Quick back story:he was diagnosed with failure to thrive at about 3 weeks. fast forward, he has a floppy airway, aspirates on thin liquids so is primarily fed through a g tube. he does still breastfeed some and has been a champ with puree and honey-thick liquid.
anyway, so genetics comes back after his physical exam and wants to test him for . ok, great... what is that? well the geneticist said that she thought it could be this because: he has a lazy L eye, is small for his age, had a PDA in his heart and apparently has "undescended testicles"?? well I didnt think babies had testicles that had descended yet so that's news to me. she also thought he had slight low muscle tone .
I'm freaking out and am in a terrible way today because I cant let go of the thought of him being developmentally disabled. this literally scares the crap out of me. he has hit all his baby milestones but has a little trunk weakness- so is a bit sslouch-y. but he is really close to crawling and lives to be on all 4s rocking back and forth.
I need some perspective- I need some hindsight from others who have been in the thick of chronic illness with their babies, to know that they CAN turn out smart and funny and "normal". while normal may look a little different are we going to be ok? am I going to be ok? is he going to be ok? suddenly I am so crippled by fear of bad things happening that I think it might help to hear stories of happiness, of recovery and of kiddos leading a darn near regular life.