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Of All the Stupid Things

I know about PTSD my ex has it. I thought I was just having anxiety attacks until last Sunday. On the way home from visiting a family member (a 2 hr trip one-way in a very old car) my car radio started with a warning of a tornado in the area I was driving. On a major highway it starts raining really hard then ice and strong winds. This is nothing new for the Florida state it rains so hard you can't see the car in front. We all put our flashers on continued driving went into the eye then back into the outer bands of the tornado it was terrifying. I was shaking so when I got home I went straight to bed. I hate driving in the rain before this. It seems when I was a child I was in two car accidents with my parents and it was raining. I wasn't driving but I experienced it. Then when I moved to Florida I was in a very bad accident. I was helping in a pre-existing accident during a rainstorm. Car number one had thought she had pulled off of the highway when she was actually in the right lane The car behind her which was the car in front of me....all of a sudden the car in front of me the lights were gone in like a flick of a switch. I immediately yanked my wheel to the left just missed her by milliseconds went into the medin. Everything was in slow motion wheels car parts rolling around steam coming up from car engines people screaming. I ran to the first car the woman had no idea what was going on I told her to shut her car off and put her flashers on asked if she was okay she said yes. I went to the car that hit her which was the car in front of me and it was too young girls. They were both hurt. I was tending to the one in the driver's seat A young man came over I asked if he had a belt on and we put a tourniquet on the driver's leg. I didn't see her passenger right away she kept asking where is so and so. I remember going to that side of the car looking for the girl and then realizing that the young girl was face planted into the dashboard. By this time people had stopped. A woman tapped me on the shoulder and said I'll take care of this girl You go help the driver and I looked at her and she said I'm a nurse We just left the hospital my husband is over there he's calling for the ambulances. I remember walking around the front of the car and that's the last thing I remember except seeing bright lights and somebody yelling run run she's not going to stop. There was a car coming over the hill the woman was drunk and she wound up hitting the girls in the car again and me. I was told I went 20 ft into the air I landed in a ditch. I woke up I didn't have my shoes on or my socks I didn't I know where I was but I couldn't get up I kept trying I was terrified I was going to get eaten by an alligator. Would you believe I didn't have one broken bone I was covered in road rash though. So while I survived that and the home that I currently live in now has flooded every year. I never realized the connection between heavy rain and wind and PTSD with me until I drove through a tornado. It was an EF0 It did tear up mobile homes but it explains so much why I panic every time it starts raining hard. Most of my meditation tapes have water in them most of them I can't listen to. Like I say of all the stupid things to have PTSD too heavy rain. And I just found this out this week. #ADHD #Anxiety
# angioedema hives idiopathic# hiatal hernia #Pleurisy #raynaud syndrome #Shingles left eye #Shoulder bilateral impingement system #unstable lumbar spine #Bastrop syndrome #bone spurs #Cataracts #COPD #Costochondritis
# Fibromyalgia #Osteopenia #Osteoarthritis #Peripheral neuropathy #kyphosis # gerd# ptsd

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Another update #ChronicFatigue #Fibromyalgia #Costochondritis #Fainting

I went to the ER last Friday. I fainted twice Thursday night, probably hit my head on the heater and it was also vinyl hardwood. Roommate said the fridge was pulled out, I was trying to get a drink. When I sat up, the trash can was pushed back a couple feet. The ER did a CT scan, it was clean. All tests were. I got Tylenol and an Ativan because I was scared with the CT scan and hospitals are extremely triggering. They did prescribe anything. They did not look at that back of my head even though it hurt like hell. They didn't even check my eyes. The headache only let up yesterday. I know this may be POTS or something. They want me to wear a heart monitor as well.
Monday, the doctors appointment was telehealth and I don't drive and the local disability bus is having more delays and with how sick I've been it's impossible. She refused to listen tho. She refused to listen about what wasn't working. She told me to go back to the ED. I said something similar to this: I seriously was debating ending my life due to pain and the treatment I've been receiving. Got cut off here and was told: are you threatening suicide? I will call the cops.
I said no. I'm safe. I have a lot of things going on. She also didn't mention any of the ED notes or anything I told the nurse, the appointment was about 5min.
My psychiatrists medical assistant was confused as to how that was a threat. I also fired my counselor yesterday due to him on Monday flat out ignoring a trigger then saying he only does 12 sessions but gave me more. Sunday had stuff happen too but I don't want to get into it.
It's been trainwreck after trainwreck going on two weeks now. Mom, dad and brother also have covid. I don't live with them or am near them.
#SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #MajorDepression #ChronicAnxiety #CPTSD #Autism #ChronicPain #help #PanicDisorder #MedicalTrauma

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Just moved #CFS #Costochondritis #Fibomyalgia #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #CPTSD

I'm about done lately. All the month I moved I had the CFS, Costochondritis and Fibromyalgia flaring to the point I went to the ER. They did nothing since it wasn't deemed an emergency. I don't have a PCP because they've treated me badly and basically told me it's in my head. My parents are making things worse and treating me like an idiot (I do not live with them). They told me I have to be nice to them because they're my parents. They're not nice to me. I rely on them for money or I'd be homeless. They don't understand chronic illness or mental health at all and make things worse. They are cruel.
The whole month of the move I was flaring and in extreme amounts of pain. I had one friend and two days her other friend helping and I couldn't keep pushing myself. I'm getting a cleaning fee and my apartment complex is trying to add on other fees. My parents are going to be pissed. I want to cry. I want to die. I'm talking with my psychiatrist tomorrow morning and my counselor Friday. I just don't know if I can make it that long. My cat is my anchor right now.
Any kind words or advice would be appreciated.
#Advice #Autism #SuicidalIdeation #Selfharm #Selfhate #Selfblame #Arthritis #Spoonie #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicIllness #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigue

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Costochondritis Flare Up

I experienced a flare up of costochondritis symptoms after several hours of work that didn’t involve any breaks in between the tasks.

I first cooked tea and chicken curry for my family, and then studied for nearly two hours. At the end, I had an autistic lockdown.

I took medication to treat it, but because of the lockdown, I took it slightly later than usual and my symptoms persisted for longer.

My pain was an 8/10.

I realised that on days when I cook, I generally need to take medication as I experience flare ups, more frequently.

My flare up involved ear pain, which was rare and highly uncommon.

#Fibromyalgia #Costochondritis

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Inspirational quote and thoughts about my journey with chronic pain/illness so far…

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and costochondritis about 11 years ago. It has been quite a journey with lots of trials, tribulations, tears of sorrow/pain/fatigue, feelings of loss, defeat, helplessness, and hopelessness. But what this journey has taught me over the years is ‘life (however it is now) is a matter of perspective’.

Fibromyalgia and all it’s associated symptoms changed me and my life to the point that I could not identify with ‘who I am today and what my life had become’! I just could not get over the sense of profound loss - losing my identity (who I was), independence, career, hopes, dreams, physical health, emotional well-being, family relations (especially with loved ones who could not never understand/empathize/support), etc. However, I have reached a point in my journey, where I have learned that life does not ONLY have to be about pain, misery, sorrow, self-pity, anger, frustration, and being in a constant state of agitation.

Life can ALSO be about consciously choosing to be hopeful, graceful, and grateful; choosing to see the light at the end of the seemingly never-ending, dark, scary tunnel; choosing to see, feel, and experience the beauty, joy, laughter, and love in the smallest of things; and most importantly striving to develop a sense of peace, calm, and acceptance about how life IS rather than how it should have been.

This journey has not been easy and I don’t expect it ever will be, but I am happy to see it progress from ‘I just can’t do it/take it’ to being a ‘cautiously optimistic and hopeful work-in-progress! Stay strong my fellow-spoonies and never lose hope! You all are amazing, strong, courageous, and so worth it!!

#Fibromyalgia #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Costochondritis #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #spooniesareawesome #StayStrong #choosehope


Advice for Returning to Work?

I've been off of work since August 2020 with a combo of #Fibromyalgia #ChronicEpsteinBarrVirus #Costochondritis #EctopicHeartBeats and #ChronicFatigue and after 10 months of sleeping, graded exercise therapy and brain training, I've finally been given the go-ahead to try a phased return to work.

I'm terrified and excited in equal measure!

Does anyone have any tips for returning to work? I have a desk job and will stay working from home for a while, but my brain isn't nearly as functional as it was before this flare and I'm still struggling with fatigue.

I'm hoping that returning to work will form part of my recovery, rather than setting me back, but I am concerned that I'm going to get worse again before I get better, as I did with the graded exercise.

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I've got a follow up appointment tomorrow after doing a ton of labs and an MRI, and...I'm scared.

I'm not sure if I'm more scared for a serious diagnosis, or that they might find nothing. Again.

And to my frustration, my nerves are showing up as physical symptoms, and I'm worried I won't be well enough to make the journey to my appointment. Which stresses me out.

I'm living in a circle of doom.

Any suggestions for distraction or staying calm?


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Monday Message 🤍🙏🏼 #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Anxiety #BackPain #RheumatoidArthritis #MastCellActivationDisorder #Insomnia

They say one positive thought can change your whole day! So here’s a reminder about YOU…You are fierce, you are strong, you are a warrior who’s fought great battles and is still fighting 🙌🏼👏🏼 Keep fighting and let’s cheer each other on!! I also needed this for myself so I wanted to share with everyone 🤍😇 Sending love to you all this week, keep hanging in there! #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Anxiety #Insomnia #BackPain #RheumatoidArthritis #MastCellActivationDisorder possible #ComplexRegionalPainSyndrome #Disability #Costochondritis