vagamisnus

she has deceived me

I've been given taste of what it means to be a women

and only this

I don't know if I will ever run with the bees again

Grow with a new beating heart

or enjoy the pleasures of a man

Oh she is vicious

knocking me out every month without any warning

throwing all my hard work off the shelf

Burning this skin over where she sleeps

Sometimes I wish I could reverse this process I was born onto.

then maybe then

this would just all disappear.

#Endometriosis #vagamisnus #Sex #woman #Depression

About 1.0.0.5 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Vagamisnus that would then bring up many questions of why this is happening? When diagnosed I was enjoying sex with my partner and then I would all of a sudden be in the worst pain ever, and once was not even able to walk. many hospital visits by confused doctors.

I can think of a time that maybe I was taken advantage of as a teenager. I was highly intoxicated and don't really know what happened but woke up the next day and things became more clear.

the thing is I always thought that this was, I don't really know.... fine..? But I deffiently would not have chosen to do what happened (I had a big crush on his best friend).

could this all be related?

I don't want to say rape or sexual assault because I feel like my case is just kind of whatever. but.... i really don't know.

I stopped being friends with the guy I liked out of fear of seeing his friend again.

I honestly belive that he thought I consented and really liked me..? because after that it was like he wanted me to be his girlfriend.

This was like 5 or 4 years ago now.

I really don't know what advice I am looking for, I am just really confused. Becouse sex is now turning into more of a fear and I really don't know what to do.

#anxious #SexualAbuse #vagamisnus #Fear