It's as though throughout my life I have been robbed of peace, understanding and basic sympathy all because I'm "not normal". I've never felt safe, not even in my own home. But now I'm older, independent, strong! And I want more than the bare minimum, I want more than the compromise I've been living in to survive. Is that asking too much? #bipolarmind #mentalillnessconfession #warrior4life
There are moments in this battlefield I find myself in my head & in my spirit that I wish those dear to me could see that I struggle everyday to motivate myself just to take one more breath....
The emptiness of my bedroom has become my safe place, but it feels like a different world sometimes.... I try & try to step out of the darkness I find myself at times, but I feel chained down to my bed & trapped in this world that I know I don't belong. My family sees me as a success story & talked so highly about me, but I feel so alone. I feel like I have so much to offer, but then I hear this voice in my head telling me you are not enough...., you will never be enough. I feel lost......
I can't wait for the moment when I reply bck to that voice & say yes, I am enough & yes, I can walk out of this room feeling loved & proud of who I am.
Until then, I'm taking one more breath till I find myself again.
The journey continues..... I had one of those amazing days last week where I felt alive & where life made sense & with a purpose, followed by a couple of days where the struggle got harder & the enemy, #Depression #Anxiety & #Loneliness , was trying hard to bring me bck into the darkness of my bedroom where my heart, drive, motivation, joy, passion, love, dreams & goals have become prisoners of my struggles. A battleground that has become a permanent in my thoughts at night.....
I said the enemy tried...., but it didn't succeed. Eventhough I didn't experience the same joy & fulfillment I had experienced the day prior, I was able to face the enemy at my own terms & still feel a sense of accomplishment within me & giving me the strength to make it another day..... One day, sooner than later, I will bring a bright & postive light into my struggles where I will be the true owner of the joy & peace within me. 🤟🏼🙏🏼❤ #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #warrior4life
TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY..... Forced myself to get out of bed despite my inner self asking me why? Why get out of bed when you know you will be bck in bed within minutes..... Why do it when you know noone really cares whether or not you get better.... I could feel those imaginary chains in my mind getting heavier & tighter to the point that my body felt lifeless & without a soul. BUT reading a post from another warrior like myself on this site yesterday, sharing her struggles & how she refused to go bck to her old self, spoke louder than anything in my heart, my mind & in my soul to the point that the old warrior & former athlete within me say enough is enough..... You do have family & friends who love you..., who look up to you & want you to get better & want to see you smile again. You are NOT a quitter.
So I got up, took a shower & had some breakfast at my favorite dinner in town. It felt great to see everyone smiling at me & saying it was nice seeing me again. Communicating with my siblings & my mother through text msgs. I felt alive & not alone despite of being by myself at the dinner. I felt so energetic so energetic & alive all day. I even went bck to the gym & participated in a spinning class followed by a hot yoga class.
As I get ready to settle for the night, I realized we all have a fighting spirit & a warrior within ourselves who is ready to fight for us against those negative thoughts in our heads. We just need to give him a chance!!!
Today was a good day!!! 🙏🏼🤟🏼
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