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The Dueling Mind

I hope you can relate to my PenUp Artwork from my Google tablet. It was a template that I colored to express how I am feeling constantly. It is a struggle to remain stable instead of getting stuck within the "ALL OR NOTHING" mentality. I wonder what on earth 🌎 I can do about it. Medicine 💊 helps, but it is not a cure, but just a treatment. I know many of you can relate to this picture. Surely I cannot be the only one dealing with this. I applied for disability as I keep running into the same issues that I have with every job. I lose myself in the world of depression (reduced energy, emotional mixed struggle) when there is not much to cause it situationally.

#helpme #MentalHealth #bipolarmind #BipolarDisorder #Trying #powerstruggle #Depression #PanicAttack #AnxietyAttack #PanicDisorder #AnxietyDisorder

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I am scared!

I am scared , I been in this path so many times before, the nightmares, the anxiety that won't go away no matter how many pills I take , I never go out of my room, but when I fall into this #Depression and #Anxiety state of mind , I lock the door, I couldn't be more lonely and yet I lock the door. A thought came to my mind, I have an inmune disease, I remember when I found out, thought well with this I cover the disease I have to deal in my life, and here I am in a constant battle with my #mentalillnesses , one that I never win, people say the quality of your thoughts , the gratitude is what makes a happy life, and I wonder if that people even think about about how is to live with a #bipolarmind . I am scared of myself, I am scared of this loneliness, of this pain, I am scared and the only thing I can do for myself is lock the door. #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #help #Mentalillnessfeelslike


I feel so robbed!

It's as though throughout my life I have been robbed of peace, understanding and basic sympathy all because I'm "not normal". I've never felt safe, not even in my own home. But now I'm older, independent, strong! And I want more than the bare minimum, I want more than the compromise I've been living in to survive. Is that asking too much? #bipolarmind #mentalillnessconfession #warrior4life


Boredom #boredom #Bipolar #mind #bipolarmind

Everything in life requires mastery. Effort and practice on a consistent basis leads to mastery, but sometimes doing the same things over and over again leads to boredom. Or not doing anything at all. Not having tasks to do all day to keep you busy can lead to boredom of course.

Studies who that is actually when we are bored that we’re able to turn up the part of our brain that’s more creative. The unthinking mind wanders when you’re bored and takes all the information in our brain and makes use of it in innovative ways.

Watching TV, surfing the internet and using your smartphones are great distractions in this day and age. I cannot for the life of me do this all day long though, maybe an hour max. I try to keep myself busy, otherwise my mind starts to wander and I start focusing on sad subjects and pull myself down.
Boredom to some extent should be acceptable and manageable. I remember being bored as a kid. I would reading my library book, complete my homework, TV or cable wasn't available 24/7, my friends had other commitments and I had nothing to do. I remember pulling out my one and only barbie doll and cutting and sewing clothes for her from old clothes and fabrics. I remember doing such a good job!
Being alone with your thoughts sounds crazy. You're gonna be with you for a very long time, and you really need to be friends with you. It is important to understand oneself. Children get bored and if parents start having a conversation with them at such a time they talk about feelings and anecdotes at school. My kids do that. It makes for great bonding time and we get to know each other.
The bored bipolar mind is more complicated than that. I get bored if I am done with painting and have nothing scheduled for the day. You cannot just sit and watch paint dry, can you? My mind works so differently from someone who does not have mental illness.

My husband mows the lawn and rids the yard off leaves so happily every week. I ask him don't you get bored of doing the same thing so many times? He says that it is relaxing, he does not think of anything in particular while doing yard work. I don't know how he pulls that off. When I fold laundry I want to watch TV or talk to someone. When I paint, I want music on. When I knit, its a complete torture to be with my bipolar mind chattering away. It is an unquiet mind and it is very exhausting.
I used to be antsy at airports waiting for the flight, antsy in queues waiting for things to move or when I have nothing to do at home after the chores are done and kids and husband are busy with school and work. I have learnt to get back into my childhood habits of people watching, sketching or chit chatting with other people. On some occasions with absolutely nothing to do my mind is at a pace that is soothing and I have wonderful pleasant thoughts flowing and ebbing and I am happy being with myself, bored and happy.