Loneliness

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Identity

Hi, I've been diagnosed with BPD 8 years ago, and have being doing DBT which has been helpful. I only recently was able to quit drinking and am becoming more aware of aspects in myself that I need to deal with, rather than run away to a substance.

I'm noticing a lot of identity disturbances, for example, I don't know who I am, what I want to do, what I think about certain things etc. I can have an opinion, drive, and passion for one thing at one moment and then feel that's completely pointless feel empty and then find something else. That's the basic cycle.

Does anyone else have an similar experience? And how did you cope with this?

I am in therapy, but I'm feeling really lonely not having anyone around me that can really understand what I'm going through. So I wanted to reach out and ask advice from people who might be able to understand better.

Wish you a beautiful morning/day/night

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What I hate about being single is that I am scared I will stay lonely. I am 28 my parents are not the youngest nor healthiest (dad 68, mom 57 but big health issues).
I have younger brother (17) I know I would have to take care about him and support him and be strong for him. But who is going to be strong for me? Support me?
I don't have that close friendships and in the whole family I am among the youngests (my grandparents died long time ago, my aunts and uncles are in theis 60s-80s. Cousins in their 40s-50s. This thoughts scare the $#!t out of me and nothing helps me. Only when I am in a relationship that I know someone close is here, cares for me, even best if we would have kids together so I will have the reason to live happily.
I am just so sensitive and emotionally unstable, I feel very weak and get overwhelmed easily. I get DPDR and I am done. Last year after my ex husband and I broke up I felt like I was crazy like I literally was at the beginning of psychosis. What got me from that was a new relationship which already ended.
Gosh, I am so sad... feels like I am gonna breakdown 😭
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Loneliness #Relationships

19 reactions 7 comments
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Nobody Understands (but not in the way you think) #MentalHealth #Depression #Isolation #lonely

It really bothers me to post about this, because I feel like people are going to think I’m just being obnoxious and cocky. But on the contrary, I hate a lot of things about myself, and somedays, I hate myself altogether.

But there is one thing I’ve got, and that’s my mind, which as often as the feeling part of it is against me, the intellectual part is always there.

Over the years I’ve developed a deep understanding of the fundamentals of the nature of reality, and continually expanded my perspective. And not to say I’m anywhere close to knowing and understanding everything, of course I’m always learning.

But I feel like I’ve gotten to this point where my mind thinks in such complex concepts that people often don’t understand what I’m saying. And when I try to explain what I mean, they’re still confused because I can’t figure out how to get them to understand what I understand. Even in basic communication, I find people often misunderstand what I’m trying to communicate because my mind thinks in such a large perspective people get confused. I would say the most common communicative error is when it involves a specific scope of relativity and I try to explain the idea of general relativity.

People think relativity is just some advanced scientific concept that only affects science. But it doesn’t, it plays a role in everything everyday everywhere. But it’s not something people understand very well.

Even talking about it here, I feel weird and isolated, like I just don’t fit in anywhere anymore.

I don’t know why I even bother posting, because like last time I posted, I’d imagine nobody will understand what I’m trying to say. It’s as if I speak a language nobody else in the world understands.

7 reactions 2 comments
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Nobody Understands (but not in the way you think) #MentalHealth #Depression #Isolation #lonely

It really bothers me to post about this, because I feel like people are going to think I’m just being obnoxious and cocky. But on the contrary, I hate a lot of things about myself, and somedays, I hate myself altogether.

But there is one thing I’ve got, and that’s my mind, which as often as the feeling part of it is against me, the intellectual part is always there.

Over the years I’ve developed a deep understanding of the fundamentals of the nature of reality, and continually expanded my perspective. And not to say I’m anywhere close to knowing and understanding everything, of course I’m always learning.

But I feel like I’ve gotten to this point where my mind thinks in such complex concepts that people often don’t understand what I’m saying. And when I try to explain what I mean, they’re still confused because I can’t figure out how to get them to understand what I understand. Even in basic communication, I find people often misunderstand what I’m trying to communicate because my mind thinks in such a large perspective people get confused. I would say the most common communicative error is when it involves a specific scope of relativity and I try to explain the idea of general relativity.

People think relativity is just some advanced scientific concept that only affects science. But it doesn’t, it plays a role in everything everyday everywhere. But it’s not something people understand very well.

Even talking about it here, I feel weird and isolated, like I just don’t fit in anywhere anymore.

I don’t know why I even bother posting, because like last time I posted, I’d imagine nobody will understand what I’m trying to say. It’s as if I speak a language nobody else in the world understands.

7 reactions 2 comments
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Masks

I always liked the scene in Batman Begins when Rachel touches Bruce's face and tells him that THIS is his mask... His true face is the one he wears at night. #MentalHealth #Depression #MightyTogether #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Loneliness

11 reactions 1 comment
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The Phased Person

Being in flux doesn't mean you are disappearing. When a liquid turns to gas, it is still there and can now move more freely amongst the clouds. #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Depression #Loneliness

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Urban Shaman (Part 2)

We cannot rescue you anymore. We cannot contain you, my children. Like a dam, this society is going to burst its banks and swamp the valley below.  No time for flood warnings The Titanic is sinking - launch the lifeboats and pray to God we all come through this latest threat to humanity, okay.

Is this truly the end?  No, only a 'see-change' but not all are aware of it. 'Roll up, roll up - the next show is about to start! Take your seats for the future and kiss your current identity goodbye!'

Some people are intimidated by us - others, spooked by our intense stare. 'We look right through the acts of men' as Shakespeare so eloquently put it.  Human beings are open books to us - children whose games amuse us but don't fool us.  We wish they'd grow up and when they don't, like all good parents we have to remind them who's the boss and what the rules are (unpleasant for all of us as we don't like dishing out punishment, even if it's merited as it interferes with the prime purpose of life, which is growth through the mechanism of being free to chose your own route; necessity though means doing what ensures survival, even if unpopular).  They hate us stepping in and call us evil because of this curtailment of their suicidal stupidity.

They call us effeminate or mistake us for homosexuals because we stand between the two worlds or the male and female paths.  Sitting on the fence, we see both sides of the argument and rule with this in mind as olden day kings did once (Think, Lord of the Rings and King Arthur - we are society's Merlin or Gandalf, leading and advising where we can, in the hope we can help you avoid too many mistakes or heartache).  We cannot live your life for you but we can caution you about the possible consequences of your actions.

We find you childish and pretentious in the extreme but then maybe God thinks of us as being young upstarts too?  You try to teach us to suck eggs and act like we don't understand your silly symbolic language or in jokes.  Grow up!  We have seen more mature and ethical monkeys than you.  You sabotage your own lives and think that is being clever.  If you don't want to be here, that's fine but stop lying to yourself  and blaming others for your unwillingness to put effort into your own lives.  Go away or stay, if that's what you really you want.  All the Great Spirit asks of you is that you be honest and if you cannot give that, then your entry ticket is null and void, and you will die and leave anyway.We created a world for you and how do you thank us?  By treating us with contempt and the planet with disrespect.  What future is there in such an attitude, for yourself, if no-one else?

We are like Captain Kirk in Star Trek 3, The Search for Spock.  Our patience is nearly ended but we won't push you into the chasm after offering you the hand of friendship.  What we will do though is turn our back on you and do nothing, while you flounder about, trying to save yourselves.

We were here, long before your race evolved.  We have had many forms and lived many lives.  We are born wise babies and die even wiser old men.  We are the future and the dim and distant past.  When we awoke, we stayed awake forever - witness to all of God's creation.  We are The Watchers - lurkers on the threshold of this world and that one which is to come.  We desperately want you to awake too and join us in the lonely night, so that we can all go forward together, for all our sakes.  The world is a wonderful place - add to it with your presence. We cannot force you to stay, only encourage you to voluntarily remain.  Will you join us in this joyful pursuit that keeps us forever young at heart or fester in a mind that hides from the truth and justifies its failures to exist, through logic and reasoning powers?

The dawn is approaching.  We must disappear out of your dreams and blend into the shadows again.  You will not recognise us, unless you come consciously looking for us during the day, for like vampires, we are creatures of the night mostly as all old things are.  The power of the dark beckons you to sleep and join us as light calls out to the young.  Death and rebirth - neither can be avoided.  The endless repetition wearies us.  This is the price of immortality - knowing that the merry-go-round will last forever, dropping us off at the same point, eternally.

We yearn for death in a way you never do.  We know every blade of grass, every stone, every speck of dust here because every return buries us deeper and deeper in awareness of the planet we inhabit.  We are your rocks, your certainties and you for your part, bore us to death with your predictability.  This is not your fault.  We are your bridgehead to a new world but we'd prefer to be in that position ourselves, wallowing in oblivion, full of joyous discovery, uncertain at every step.  The past is ours, the future yours - enjoy your childhood.

3 reactions