Loneliness

It is in the full definition of Mindfulness itself — we must remember that mindfulness is not just being in the present moment, it must be “awareness of the present moment Without Judgment.”

Or stated this way:

“Paying attention in a certain way -on purpose, in the present moment, Non-Judgmentally.”

Non-Judgment in itself, as well as, when utilized along with the other 9 attitudes of the mental wellness state of mindfulness that I discuss in this group, is a game-changer when put into practice.

There have been many articles and books written about the practice of Non-Judgment.

One of my original teachers of this is the very well-known Gabrielle (Gabby) Bernstein.

This is where I learned to utilize this transformative go-to short statement every time something arises in my mind that could be a wrong judgment and could cause all kinds of chaos for no reason:

“I choose to judge nothing that occurs.”

I am going to go in-depth about this here, because it is that important.

It even has helped me tremendously in my marriage which I am very proud to say, with my dedication to mindfulness as a new way of life, and with my emotional intelligence growth that I keep sharing with you, I have taught my husband how he needs to grow along with me, and due to my persistence to create a life that I want to live, our marriage going on 15 years has evolved into what I shaped it into, based on my values, and my mental health needs. And he is a tough one, to say the very least. He never would have grown at all otherwise.

Non-Judgement of myself too has been a game-changer for me to learn one of the biggest lessons of all of life that I was not taught growing up— Self-Love.

And that my friends, is something we cannot afford to not master, so I will dedicate another post at another time to that Key to Everything.

Every time the impulse to decide whether something is good, bad, right, wrong, ugly or pretty arises, stop and say, “I choose to judge nothing that occurs.”

Everytime you see someone and think “they should” or “they shouldn’t”, “that’s good” or “that’s bad”, “she’s right” or “she’s wrong”, instead, just observe and don’t comment to yourself or others. Go cold turkey and stop judging totally for a period of time. Do a judgment detox.

A judgment detox means giving up judgment of all things. Judgment of self, others, the world, things that happen or don’t happen.

Choose to say these things to yourself instead:
“Today I choose to accept all that is for what it is – nothing more, nothing less.” You can also say to yourself daily -“Judging serves no purpose”.

You may find that you will have more peace. You may find that you feel less anxious because you are not having to figure everything out. You may find that you start observing life more and trusting more.

How much of your time and energy is taken up judging what is right, wrong, good or bad for everybody and everything? How much of your time today do you spend trying to predict the future? “That would just be terrible” or “If I do this, then I’ll be miserable.”
Or “If I do this it will make me happy”.

How would your life be different if you stopped judging and evaluating everyone and everything? Think about it. We evaluate everything. We put a value on everything. We are assigning meaning to things.

We spend a lot of time analyzing, criticizing, and pretending we know what’s good/bad, right/wrong, and on and on and on.

The real danger lies in becoming attached to our judgments.
Believing you really know what’s right or wrong, especially for someone else, can be very hurtful and damaging.
But also, we can’t assign meaning to something someone does because we might not be looking at the real reasons why they do it or don’t do it, that could have nothing to do with us intentionally.

If you want to dive into this deeper, you can read one Gabrielle Bernstein’s New York Times Bestsellers:“Judgment Detox: Release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life.”

If you are like me and love extracting all of the teachings within the best article, here’s her articles website link: Gabby Bernstein Blog Articles | Informative Articles From Gabby

The critical ways I learned to apply non-judgement to my marriage and to my life choices I also learned from Kathy Murphy, PhD in her Article “Today I Will Judge Nothing.”

She discussed how our judgments have ruined many a good relationship.

The problem is we think we do know. Then we become limited by our perceptions and beliefs. We become bound by what we think we know and may be missing some of the greatest opportunities and lessons of our lives.

In addition, how does one design a life without making judgments, without deciding what’s good or bad or what’s right or wrong? We do need to be able to make choices for our lives, but maybe we need some new strategies for making these decisions. We can recognize and admit that all we really have are our preferences, our desires, our opinions, and our best guesses. With this information we discern what would be our best choice for today giving credence to the reality that “you never really know” how it will turn out. It’s a subtle yet powerful shift to change our language from what is right or wrong, good or bad to simply stating what we prefer.

Mindfulness Attitude of Non-Judging is cultivated by assuming the stance of an impartial witness to your own experience. To do this requires that you become aware of the constant stream of judging and reacting to inner and outer experiences that we are all normally caught up in, and learn to step back from it. When we begin practicing paying attention to the activity of our own mind, it is common to discover and be surprised by the fact that we are constantly generating judgments about our experience.

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When Success Becomes Your Disguise

"You're doing so well!"

"I don't know how you manage everything!"

"You always seem to have it all together."

I hear these words often. They’re meant as compliments, little affirmations of my outward success. But sometimes, those words cut deeper than the sharpest blade. Because while the world sees a competent, successful, and high-achieving person, they don’t see the war raging inside.

This is the paradox of high-functioning mental illness. The better I appear, the harder I’m often struggling. The more I accomplish, the more my inner pain becomes invisible. And sometimes, invisibility is the most dangerous thing of all.

What Is High-Functioning Mental Illness?

High-functioning mental illness is a term used for those who maintain the semblance of a “normal” life despite living with mental health conditions like Bipolar Disorder, Major Depression, OCD, PTSD, or Anxiety Disorders. We hold down jobs, meet deadlines, care for families, and appear composed in social situations.

But behind the mask of productivity and success lies:

• Panic attacks during coffee breaks.

• Insomnia masked as “early riser energy.”

• Overthinking that we disguise as “attention to detail.”

• Depressive episodes hidden behind “I’m just tired.”

It’s a cruel irony: the more we keep up appearances, the less people believe we’re struggling.

The Burden of the Mask

Living with high-functioning mental illness feels like performing on stage every day. The mask is your best tool, but it’s also your heaviest burden. You smile, you excel, you achieve — and then collapse when no one’s watching.

There are times when:

• Perfectionism drives you to the brink of burnout, but you call it “commitment.”

• Anxiety paralyzes you at night, but by morning, you’re answering emails like nothing happened.

• Depression whispers that you’re worthless, even while you’re receiving praise from others.

And the hardest part? The fear that if you let the mask slip, everything — your career, relationships, stability — might fall apart.

"You Don’t Seem Sick"

The phrase “you don’t seem sick” haunts those of us with high-functioning mental illness. Because we don’t seem sick. Our lives are curated to avoid suspicion. We become experts at compartmentalizing, minimizing, and deflecting.

But inside, we know the truth. We know that:

• Holding it together is exhausting.

• Success doesn’t quiet the self-doubt.

• Being seen as “strong” can make it harder to ask for help.

And when someone says, “You seem fine,” it reinforces the fear that if we do ask for help, we won’t be believed.

The Isolation of Being "Okay"

There’s a profound loneliness in being seen as high-functioning. You’re surrounded by people who admire your strength, but few who understand your struggle. You might even doubt yourself: “If I can function this well, is my pain even real?”

Yes. Your pain is real. Just because you’re functioning doesn’t mean you’re not suffering. Success doesn’t erase struggle. Competence doesn’t cancel out pain.

Sometimes, the strongest people are the ones carrying the heaviest burdens.

Breaking the Cycle of Silence

So, how do we cope? How do we break free from the mask without losing ourselves?

1. Acknowledge Your Reality:

You can be successful and struggling. These two truths can coexist. Your pain is valid, no matter how well you’re functioning.

2. Let Someone See Behind the Mask:

Share your truth with a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Letting someone witness the struggle behind the success can be liberating.

3. Redefine Strength:

Strength isn’t just holding it together; it’s also knowing when to let go. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

4. Practice Self-Compassion:

Treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a friend. You’re not “failing” when you struggle — you’re surviving.

You Are More Than Your Mask

High-functioning mental illness can feel like living in two worlds: the world everyone sees and the world you fight through alone. But remember, you are more than your achievements, more than your mask. You are a whole person, worthy of support and understanding — even when you seem “fine.”

If you’re reading this and it resonates, know that you are not alone. Behind every mask is a human heart, doing its best to beat despite the weight.

And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is let the mask slip and say, “I’m struggling, and that’s okay.”

“Sometimes, the brightest smiles hide the deepest wounds, and the most successful masks cover the most fragile souls.”

Corey Welch

Mental Health Advocate | Author

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