Kinda been a wreck for the last week , but today i managed to get out of the mood and went to work. Unfortunately the void is much more than I thought, the heartache and silent suffering unbelievable. It takes every thing i have not to throw in the towel. #WheelOfEmotions #TryingToStayPositive
and think about suicide again. Even though I thought 50 sessions of TMS took those thoughts away...they’re back. I’ve started TMS again, but not as hopeful, as I feel like it failed me and wore off. will I have to get booster sessions every 6 months forever? I’m extra emotional from the TMS, & am starting to lash out at my family. just can’t do this anymore. anyone else feel this way? feel all alone. #TMS #TreatmentresistantDepression #WheelOfEmotions
Left my bag in a meeting and trying desperately to stay calm and not go inwards and have a meltdown.
All I can do is accept it is what it is right now and I will have to get it tomorrow at some point.
Why do I measure my self-worth on little hiccups such as misplacing a bag?
I forget to pick up my bag and suddenly it’s evidence of why I shouldn’t bother trying to get well, why I’m not worth it, why I’m inherently just a thoughtless idiotic fantasist.
Fucking madness this head!
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