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An Open Letter to Dove Cameron
*Trigger warning: this post discusses suicide. If you need a lifeline, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.*
Dear Dove Cameron,
I just stumbled across an interview you did on the Call Her Daddy podcast. In the interview you talked about your parents. You said your mom was the perfect mom (by the way, if you could drop a few pointers to all of us moms who want to be just that for our kids I know I would greatly appreciate it). You also spoke to the fact that your dad was a good parent.
You mentioned there’s a reason you write songs about him and that he “wasn’t his affliction”. You said something that I thought was particularly profound and it was that you get to know him through the parts of him that you discover in yourself.
A couple weeks ago I saw another interview of yours where you described watching a movie with your fiancé. In the film one of the characters either attempted or completed suicide- I can’t quite remember the specifics- and how you felt yourself tense up in that moment.
I deduced between the two interviews that your father had passed away and I wondered what the circumstances surrounding that were although I felt like I had a pretty good idea.
Not one to assume, I did a Google search and while you can’t believe everything you see online, it appears my assumptions were, unfortunately, correct. And, I’m so sorry about that.
I went down a rabbit hole of your interviews. You’ve spoken on multiple occasions about the impact that has had on you- his daughter. I can only imagine the strength it takes and I want to thank you for talking about the hardest of things in the most public of forums.
I’m someone who contemplated suicide and in the moment I was absolutely sure that I was doing it for my husband and my kids. Not to mention alleviating any undue responsibility friends and family may have felt toward me.
I not only believed I was a burden, I knew it to be true. I could see the way shoulders dropped, lips pursed, eyes closed, breaths sighed when I was in the depths of it all. I never faulted them for that display of frustration; I could only imagine how obnoxious it was to them. I was too enveloped in darkness. I was inconsolable and unreachable.
The way you speak of your dad, how you separate who he was from his illness- how losing him in the way that you did was a traumatic experience. With your celebrity and your reach. I want you to know how healing that can be for people to hear and how healing it was for me to hear. You’re undoubtedly helping people who find themselves with similar thoughts.
I can’t speak for the masses but I want to tell you how sobering it was to hear that a parent ending their life didn’t free their child. I gathered it only heavies the burden and creates new wounds.
I am in awe at how you talk about it being difficult to navigate that kind of relationship but how much harder it is to lose them. As a mother I hesitate even putting these words into a space where my kids could potentially see them. But can I just tell you how encouraging and hopeful it is to hear how a child whose parent lost their fight can separate the disease from the parent? That you can still be a good parent and struggle? That you can see that your dad wasn’t what he battled?
That’s powerful stuff.
Stuff I wouldn’t mind my kids hearing. Perspectives I can only hope my own children adopt.
I have such a deep admiration for your advocacy. I can imagine that speaking out about trauma on multiple occasions doesn’t make the trauma any easier to discuss. I know for me it doesn’t. But somehow, through the discussions we increase our capacity and ability to speak about it. All we can do is hope that through our conversations, the impact is worth our own discomfort and I want you to know in this case…it is.
I recognize the likelihood that you, yourself, the celebrity, sees this letter is basically zero. However, I do think it’s possible that other parents who are battling depression or suicidal ideation see it.
I think it’s worth it for anyone who thinks leaving will lessen their child’s pain listen to one of your interviews and experience how that is a flawed thought process.
And to that person who sees the frustration and exhaustion on the faces of their loved ones when they say they can’t keep doing this I want to tell you one more thing:
Recently, I’ve been on the other side of it- the side where someone I love was fighting for their life and I can tell you that the fall of shoulders and the pursing of lips and closing of eyes is a guttural reaction. It’s raw and it’s real but it’s involuntary. It’s also temporary and it’s fleeting. I would and I will do anything for that person I love. For them to know that they aren’t fighting alone. That they have me every single step of the way. Even when it feels impossible. And especially then. That the world is better with them in it. That my world is better with them in it. That the darkness will pass and the pain will subside.
Whoever you are, wherever you are in your head- keep.fighting.
Keep going.
I promise you will be glad you did.
XO,
Sara #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors
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