Nightmares

Hey!
It took me a while to realize I had PTSD from burning out of grad school. The way I burned out put me in alignment with the PTSD factors [(depersonalization, derealization, amnesia), beliefs in evil society + incompetent self, limited verbal processing of event] and I haven't been the same for 3 ish years. Ironically, I've been in PTSD treatment for a while, but have avoided talking about the burnout because it didnt fit my preconceived notions of PTSD. Anyway, some professionals say engaging with my triggers is the way to healing, so I'm gonna push through first and deal with the ever present nightmares second. Yknow, instead of avoidance.

Anyway, I'm posting here.. Idk. I'm showing up. That's me. Hello PTSD friends.

I am a Survivor Of Suicide. My experiences with this growing epidemic began in 1994 when my 28 year Brother Brian killed himself. I will forever be haunted by the Trauma this caused my entire family but most of all I will never forget the dead look in my Mothers eyes nor the hopelessness in my Dad after he my Brother suicide. My Dad drank the rest of his life away and died two years after Brian died and my Mother cried about Brian and the way he died til the last days of her life. Than Suicide knocked on my door again in 1999 my husband of 15 years took his own life. That was Chronic PTSD for me and I still have nightmares it's too real still at times. Once again in 2015 Suicide knocked it's dark head on my door once again. My Sister Chrissy who was 40 years old took her own life. My mind was reeling in shock and despair. You see with Suicide loss the questions and guilt and regrets are all too permanent with me. I was planning on going to stay with her because I was so very worried about everything that was going on in her life. She told me NO I won't be good company so I didn't make the trip to Florida to be with her and than two weeks later when two police officers arrived on my doorstep one night looking they said for my Mother because they needed to speak with her immediately. After I asked why I than found out that my Sister killed herself the previous two nights prior. Once more I saw more life drain from my Mothers heart and soul..... Thsn in 2025 Suicide once again reared it's ugly, dark head and ny Nephew Bradley shot himself after untreated Schizophrenia and lack of support from the loved ones he asked to get him help so that the voices would go away. Bradley will Always be Forever 18. Than 4 months later my other 22 year old Nephew Matt shot himself. Also a victim of Mental Health Issues with Addiction... I am myself a person with Treatment Resistant Major Depression and PTSD and Chronic Panic Attacks. I want to learn more about my diagnosis and treatments to overcome these conditions because medications do not work. Its painful to live with these demons especially Depression but I want to heal and finally feel a sense of at least feeling contentment and some joy. My heart is full of everlasting love for all my loved ones that Myself and my family lost to Suicide... It is my honor to honor them. Love Lives On.. . Sincerely, Kelly Marie Barry.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I just had a freaking creepy nightmare and now I’m hesitant to go back to sleep. I wish sleep wasn’t a necessity. I feel like wanting to die.

I just upped my sleep medication to 2 pills instead of one right now because I’m so fucking tired of this. If this doesn’t work, perhaps I really should end my life. I can’t take anymore of this. The stress dreams have been way too fucking constant lately, and we have yet found out exactly why. Even I’ve gotten over my stressors at times and many days have been great, yet I still get them. It wasn’t like this before!!! 😢😡

Also, I really wish that there was a dark mode for the Mighty app. I’m a big dark mode user and I often have to dim my screen to the lowest brightness setting just to write on here. Just a feature suggestion!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #AutismSpectrum #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Trauma #StressDreams #dreams #Nightmares

When I'm nervous and especially at night I grind my teeth way too much. I can't do a mouth guard, I'm really sensitive to things being in my mouth, but I can't find anything to help. It's worst at night, I have nightmares that cause this. Does anyone know of anything that could help???

Music has always been a big part of my life. It's not just that I enjoy it, which I do, but it's also been extremely helpful and therapeutic for me. Music helps me cope with my emotions. It helps me to feel like I'm not alone in my pain.

I can't count the number of times that a song has helped me to feel seen or gotten me through a really difficult time in my life. As I got older I didn't just listen, I started to write songs too. Today I wanted to share a song I made recently about struggles with insomnia, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, and grief. I put up a lyric video that you can watch on YouTube.

www.youtube.com/watch

I don't expect I'll ever be rich or famous. I only hope that it might help someone in the same way that others have helped me throughout the years. What kind of music, artists, albums, or songs have helped you in the past?

I'm not crying all day and sleeping all day every day anymore. Instead the hurt has become something more quiet. Instead I just don’t function. I can't get my sleep schedule under control. Staying asleep is very difficult because I am woken up by terrible nightmares and if I manage to get back to sleep the nightmares just pick up where they left off. Even getting to sleep takes forever because of all the intrusive thoughts and the feelings that they bring with them.

Awake or asleep, I don't know what's worse. There is no escape from these feelings even when I am unconscious. I can't get myself to make simple phone calls to work on my disability paperwork. I don’t really accomplish anything despite having a lot of things that I need to do.

I do still cry sometimes. I do still break down a decent bit. It's just more internal now, harder for others to notice. I've been having a very hard time with things the past several days. The suicidal ideations have been much more frequent than usual. I guess I just wanted to vent some.

IVE BEEN DEALING WITH CPTSD FOR 23 YEARS NOW. THE FLASHBACKS, NIGHTMARES, FIGHT OR FLIGHT, ISOLATION, ANXIETY, APATHY, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND BAKER ACTED 3 TIMES. I HAVE BEEN DOING EMDR THERAPY FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW AND THAT HAS SEEMED TO BE THE BEST FORM OF THERAPY FOR ME. BUT I STILL HAVE TIMES WHERE IM SO DEPRESSED I CANT SEEM TO GET OUT OF IT. I WORRY ABOUT MY 4 ADULT CHILDREN ALL THE TIME. ESPECIALLY ABOUT MY 27 YEAR OLD SON WHO HAS PTSD FROM BEING IN PRISON 3 YEARS. I GOT MARRIED AT 16 AND IM NOW 52 AND STILL MARRIED BUT I FEEL TERRIBLE FOR MY HUSBAND AS HOW I FEEL AFFECTS HIM. SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD JUST GO TO SLEEP AND NOT WAKE UP....