actingout

** Trigger Warning **
#Childhoodtrauma
#Molested
#actingout

This part of the artwork follows the time-line, here is the original post which i will elaborate on

"Today was a reminder. No-one should ever B forced 2 do anything against their will ... Grade 1 & 2 was awful 4 me being forced 2 do things no little boy should ever do. i landed living in hell 4 over a year because of a peer

#thisisrealdepression
#fuckdepression
#tryingtoshare "

i heard disturbing news about a kid i knew who was abused. Talk about a trigger point. my only wish i have is that he doesn't fall off the bus as much as i have. i also wish that he gets the help he needs earlier, as he is going to need because he is coming of age where he is about to realize what actually happened to him **This is just part of what a trigger does to me when i hear about someone else who has no idea yet that his innocence is about to be stripped from him.

Back to my series again ... While in an all-boys school, between the ages of 7 & 8, i was repeatedly molested by a classmate during break times & after school in one of the school bathrooms. Still to this day i don't know what the power was he had over me more than likely, oh yeah uncle plays this game so this is normal. 20 odd years later i walked into those bathrooms which are still there & flashbacks, wow. It was a flood as i soon discovered how much my memory locked out while i was walking through out the school & just being flooded with more memories. i think i did a recording of this, but haven't been able to watch it. This kid really fucked us up (sorry about my language, i tend to have a potty mouth) i learnt there were more of us that he had do things to & for himself.

i also recall having my teacher tape me down to a chair, around my wrists, body & over my mouth on several occasions, this was her way of controlling my behavior which would actually be:
• my call for help
• & what i learnt was called acting out
Not even the need to go to the toilet would stop her actions to me which would lead to other name calling & the beginning of the bullying i was subject to at that school. i didn't enjoy any aspect of that school

These school grounds were a pedophiles wet dream with everything going on as flashbacks kept coming back, i remember what a bunch of us did here, & there & everywhere - again acting out. But the teachers, were not looking out for the warning signs that something seriously wrong was happening in the school. So much so that i asked myself, am i a monster too someone else? That is when i learnt about acting out, this allowed me to sleep A BIT easier again. However the teachers would get me onto Ritalin (slow releasing cocaine) my parents has no idea apart from medical diagnosis of ADHD & ADD, & me being a menace for her. Turns out the main suspect's father was abusing him & several others, & this was his way of acting out. Poor dude, poor all of us - all because of one person

✌🏼❤ ... see you on the next episode