Last weekend, I was feeling so low. I had suicidal thoughts, trauma flashbacks, crying bouts, fatigue, inability to start or complete tasks, etc. Then on Tuesdayy night, I stayed up until 4am for no reason, but I didn't feel tired at all. It was like a switch flipped.
All the things that had felt so impossible were suddenly great opportunities. I cleaned my house, went shopping, booked an appointment with a new service provider, and even gladly took on an extra shift at work to cover for a someone who was sick. I'm good with just 7-8 hours of sleep where I needed at least 12 hours of sleep a week ago.
Now that I'm in the middle of this, it suddenly feels very familiar. And I suddenly realized that I haven't had an upswing since I started taking anti-depressant medication last February. Part of why I wanted to get back on meds was so that I could have a more consistent mood - I guess I got a consistent low with less anxiety?
I don't even know what to think. Could I actually be bipolar? In order to talk to my doctor about it, I feel like I need to have absolutely 100% clear evidence and conclusions to present, because otherwise he'll just say, "Hmm. Ok." and then change the topic. Plus, my appointments are generally around only 5 minutes in length. Why do I have to be the doctor in this situation??
#CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #moodswing #Doctor