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Just venting

I wish I could opt out of being alive. Not die, but have everyone that currently knows me think that I’m dead. My “intrusive” thoughts turned out to be accurate so I guess my real problem is with delusions of grandeur. I wish I wasn’t unlovable. #quietbpd #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD

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Fav person

How do yk it’s the right decision to cut a favorite person off, especially if you are only friends online but you call a lot and all that. My fav person lives in another country and I feel i just have an urge for impossible relationships and most of the time it’s stable but sometimes i get triggered that I can’t be with them and rage/resent myself so much also cutting them off means am probably gonna try seeking another fav person somewhere else. I have been trying some interpersonal skills but idk how to handle it. Any tips? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #quietbpd

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Do you have a goal - no matter how big or "small" - for October?

I like setting small, attainable goals for myself. It makes me feel more optimistic about the future which is needed. And it helps me facilitate some of the changes and growth, I'd like to see in my everyday life.
This is my front page for October in my journal.
And I think my goal for this month is being brave in group therapy. And doing my after session notes for group and individual therapy. I have this opportunity for a short time. And I would like to give myself the gift of getting the most out of it.
Do you have a goal for October?
It doesn't have to be big at all. I find that the "small" goals often times lead to the biggest changes and accomplishments.
Share with us if you feel like it.
I know I feel more accountable when I've shared with you sweet people.
Wishing you a great October🍁🐿🎃

77 reactions 40 comments

Chronic feeling of emptiness

Heyy i suffet from quiet bpd and the feeling of chronic emptiness has always been a huge part of my life. Does anybody have some tips, how I could overcome the emptiness?🫶🏻 #quietbpd

5 reactions 3 comments

FP validation struggles

I stand very firmly when I have new people prominent in my life especially a new fp, that you don’t have to validate my actions to validate my feelings. I’m also autistic along quiet bpd, today my fp gave me a sad tone when I asked for soemthing so I badgered about what was wrong. They dismissed me and I communicated that made me sad and it made me feel bad. They proceeded to argue saying I was policing them which annoyed me. I told them it hurt me and they dismissed again. I then said I’d put my seatbelt back on if they apologized for invalidating my feelings, wether intentional or not. And they responded with “some feelings just aren’t valid” I know they were referring to me getting so worked up over just the sad tone. But tone is how I interpret everything even if you say something good in an angry tone I will perceive it as anger. I did my best to communicate healthily but then they said that and I splashed my water at them. They told me I belong in patient and instead I’ve been waking up angry every morning which I haven’t been angry not til a little later in the day. I don’t know how to communicate how they hurt me. They usually don’t react like that. Any suggestions? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #quietbpd #FavoritePerson

9 reactions 5 comments

Bringing up BPD to counselor

Is it frowned upon to ask a counselor about the possibility of a diagnosis or their thoughts on you having a disorder? She may already be leaning that way but I've had concerns about it for the past year. I relate to every symptom and people's descriptions of their experiences with it. Idk if it's worth it to ask or if I'll seem ignorant for doing so. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #quietborderline #quietbpd

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Overwhelming emotion-thought whirlwinds

The emotional intensity of these just hands my ass too me. All of a sudden everything feels wrong I am angry, sad, scared with such intensity that I’m bombarded with intrusive thoughts of ending things, between floods of tears or flashes of rage depending on the tone of the snap, I sit crying with intrusive thoughts of self-harm and suicide that I just have to fight not to act on.

The emotions are so intense they control my mind, I get caught in thought loops, “make them break up with you so you can die without hurting anyone” - I am AWARE that these emotions are too intense, and I’m aware my thoughts are irrational but the emotional intensity and mental scrambling is at such intensity I can’t pull myself out of it. Unless I self-harm, which I don’t do. So it lasts, 4,5,6 - 9 hours.

I watch it and slowly try to pick my emotions apart. Draw them write them, call a helpline and talk. Try to get to the core of this tangled knot of emotional bullshit. I feel shame for the thoughts and feelings I have in that state which are hard to recover from. And the intensity of the experience is such that I _feel_like_ I did the things I only thought and felt.

Too other people it looks like I go from normal to a broken mess in half a day, they don’t understand because I can’t explain. I can’t explain because of the shame, because I’m aware how crazy the experience is. So I just keep it inside, try to forgive myself and keep being a good person to the people around me. Xx #TriggerWarnings #emotionalinstability #Selfharm #quietbpd #SuicidalIdeation

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How serious is quiet BPD?

Living with quiet borderline personality disorder can be exhausting and incredibly debilitating. It can stop a person from being able to enjoy their everyday life, as they struggle to cope with the intense thoughts and emotions that they experience. #BPD #quietbpd

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