Latest
Always the different one
I've always been the different one in my family. I always had the most responsibility, but I also crashed the hardest when something didn't go the way I wanted it. When I was younger I genuinely didn't understand why I acted and thought the way I did...hell to this day it's sometimes hard to still understand it at times. I have a better reasoning now though. I'm still learning and growing from everything I can get my hands on. My diagnosis was a little more than 9 years ago and like most it was over looked at first. It wasn't until I was open about my self mutilation that I was finally diagnosed. My family runs a long line of various mental health issues, but this I feel by far is the worst one amongst them. You have no idea of ones self, no self-worth,self sabotage,risky behaviors that normal people wouldn't engage in,and a guilty feeling for even existing. I feel like such a burden most the time and the emptiness is so overwhelming it aches to my core. I also suffer from suicidal ideation that are so real that sometimes they scare me and I can literally feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I don't want you to think I'm not medicated or in therapy, because I am doing both. They do help ,but my demons are far to powerful most https://days.My wife is the only woman that tolerate the bullshit that embodies me and everything I throw at her. I think I'm always the victim, but I know deep down that I'm a narcissistic asshole most the time. i can only try to better myself and grow from everything. I am a lifer it seems, because it's been this long and there's been no remission. Heaven help, because lord knows I need it!
#ExcuseMyBorderline
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PersonalityDisorders #AnxietyDisorders #DepressiveDisorders #Bipolar1Disorder #Screwedup #Addictivebehavior #Narcassistic
