Personality Disorders

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Wrong diagnosis?

So I’ve had the diagnosis schizoaffective disorder bipolar type for nearly 10 years. My current team who I’ve been with for 5 months don’t believe I have this diagnosis and want to test me for personality disorders instead.

I’m really struggling to accept that the diagnosis I’ve had for 10 years is incorrect based on the opinion of people I’ve only known a few months and who have limited knowledge of me.

There’s also a certain kind of pride I have developed now over this diagnosis if you know what I mean? It took me yeaaaars to accept, and now that I have, I don’t want to lose it.

Can anyone relate?

#SchizoaffectiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #MentalHealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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I survived

It’s only been a couple of weeks since I attempted suicide. It’s still very surreal and I am processing a lot. I will say, I am hopeful for the first time ever. Actually hopeful. Looking forward to being a part of a safe community of people just like me. Because the fact is, we don’t talk about suicide, mental illness or personality disorders enough. Here’s to healing together ❤️#MentalHealth #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

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Personality disorders

What is the thing with doctors, who believe you have a BPD, personality disorder, that they are tough and very straight and tells me what I am thinking. Hard like a coconut. Insulting me. Maybe just to get a reaction. She got none

But when I was exempt from personalitydisorders, the doctor was suddenly very nice and soft. Makes me even more paranoid over her as I have schizophrenia. Paranoid is my second name. I ended up with added PTSD diagnose.

Anyone else experienced this? Why do they do this? I am so sad for people being abused as a child and then abused in healthcare

#PTSD #Schizophrenia #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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For all needing the reminder

As a child I learnt from my family that I was wrong in feeling and being as I was.
As a sensitive, anxious child, I internalized their view of me being wrong and too much.
So I closed down.
Boarded up.
Developed depression and two personality disorders.
And a truckload of unhealthy coping strategies.
Now I am learning I am not wrong or faulty as a person.
It is often challenged by my dad who views mental health issues as personal failures.
Something you can snap out of or run off.
But I now know he is wrong.
And I am doing my very best.
I am healing.
And I am trying to find my way to a life with contentment.
And I am NOT a failure!
Neither are you.
We're doing all that we possibly can.
And I would definitely go as far as to say we are winners for still being here and still showing up.
(Picture from Pinterest)

256 reactions 94 comments

I have a question for you guys

So a few days ago, my therapist asked me a question I haven’t been able to answer for so many years: What are your aspirations and goals? What is something that you would like to accomplish short or long term? Any personal or professional goals or desires? Who would you like to become or how would you like to live?

Believe me I had no idea how to answer that, and after a few seconds of silence I said “No, I don’t think I have anything like that anymore. I used to have it in me but I don’t really think I do now”. Maybe, it's because I used to care about my future way more back then, and for the last 3-4 years I have not felt that I care enough to start “looking for passions”. I have a job and I like it. I earn just enough money to live with my partner and my cat and also spend some money during the weekends going out with my friends, so I really didn’t think I needed a goal in life, other than surviving and making money; but the fact that I couldn’t answer that question got me thinking: I used to enjoy doing productive things, now I have been seeking for that thrill in doing things that are not contributing to my depression treatment at all; unhealthy habits, impulsivity, and momentary moments of bliss can get you anywhere but only for a little while.

So I decided to search for the answer to the question above. I decided that I could maybe start looking for my passions, goals, desires and eventually, an idea of who I want to become. To start with, the only thing I’m very aware of is that I want to be a better version of myself so I can stop the cycle of doing things the wrong way and then feeling bad about it when I knew it had consequences. But to be a better version of myself, that version that is able to enjoy life the same way I did at some point (not that I don’t enjoy it now but you get me), I think I need to ask myself first: do people have passions, goals and do they know who they want to be or how they’d like to live in a future? I am young and I know that now knowing is fine, but don't people have at least some kind of inspiration? I mean, professionally and academically, or even personally. I would appreciate reading some answers since I have no idea where to begin, and I kind of want to get that motivation back.

#CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn #Anxiety #MentalHealth #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Depression #PersonalityDisorders

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What my eating disorder took away from me

I used to be confident enough to wear anything I want. I used to enjoy eating at social events and any other type of gatherings, laughing and having a good time and being able to genuinely enjoy the present instead of thinking about how many calories I'm eating/drinking. I used to be able to hold long conversations with my friends and actually listen to what they had to say instead of overthinking about my body and how I look (or how I could look).

I was the type of person someone would reach out to if they wanted to have fun or to even talk about certain things they wouldn't feel comfortable talking about with other people. I used to be reliable, as a friend and family member. I used to be funny, and I tried my best to enjoy every activity I did. I was sure of my decisions and I didn't need anything else than good company to actually have fun.

Eating disorders turned me into a 'thrill seeker', since I couldn't find thrill or joy in anything else other than burning calories. Even burning calories wasn't that enjoyable, it was sort of like a punishment that made me feel relief and less anxious. At some point, right before I decided to ask for help, I found myself seeking thrill engaging in several different activities that didn't fill the void; some of them might've turned into unhealthy habits and some I let go.

Someone once told me that people who have struggled with eating disorders can surely recover but it will always leave a scar. I didn't even used to think I could recover but now that I have, I know now what they meant: it left a mark, it took away my confidence and reliability and it's very hard to get those back. As I recovered from an eating disorder I fell into depression and I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. My eating disorder created a chain of events that would turn into messes I had to clean, and eventually, depression and anxiety.

But I'm doing better, since I would much rather deal with these mental illnesses and diagnosis than my actual eating disorder, because now I have therapy and a psychiatrist, which helps a lot.

I continue to be a thrill seeker but I'm more self-aware now, of both the consequences of my actions and the impact it has on others around me. I continue to fight every day not to feel miserable with my body image, but I've made peace with the scale and my weight: I don't care anymore, honestly I just want to be happy. Slowly claiming back everything an eating disorder took away from me: it's tiring but worth the shot.

#Depression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Anxiety #MentalHealth #EatingDisorders #Orthorexia #Anorexia #BulimiaNervosa #PersonalityDisorders #CheckInWithMe #CheerMeOn

3 reactions