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I’m. Bad person #attentionseeker #loner #depressed #Selfinflicted

I’m a bad person
I want all the love anyone can give and I don’t want anyone else to have their love
I want all their attention and devotion to myself
I want to be put first too.
I want them to ask me what I want to do to
To not make decisions without me
To ask me to join as an afterthought
I don’t want to be the gum under their shoe
Something they have to bring along
I want to be the first thing they think about
The first person they want
But that can’t happen
I’m not extroverted
I love to stay in my room on my own
I love how safe it is within myself
But it gets lonely in my bubble
But when I finally come out
Bonding and experiences they share have multiplied and I am now out of the loop
I can’t pretend to be the fun one
I’m quiet sure
But can’t they love me anyway
Can’t I be me and be loved?
I know people like to be around others that make them happy
I’m not sunshine
I’m just air,
Sometimes you don’t realize I’m there
But the difference between me and air is
They can survive without me
I don’t want them to survive without me
But at the same time
Always being around people is draining
It makes me tired
But I want them to put me on their pedestal
But i don’t want them to see me
I know I’m selfish
Am I wrong to want their love
Am I wrong to want to be quiet and loved
Am I wrong to want to be not heard but heard,
not seen but sought
Not to try so hard ....but wanted.
I hate it when I’m not included but I don’t want to be included
I hate it when they gush over someone else
Bootlicking then when they aren’t even all that
I’m much better can’t they see that?
Maybe I’m not good enough
I don’t try enough
But others don’t even try but they have it all.

What is this feeling?
Is there something wrong with me?
What is this?
Am I a bad person



#CheerMeOn #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD I am doing a little better each day I am not an #attentionseeker I beat myself up for all the words that come from my mouth I have many #BPDtriggers Just trying daily not to lose a loved one who does not understand but simply from lack of knowledge