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Every Despondent Day

Today is one of those days. You know the kind. The kind where no matter what people say, look, do cheering up is just not happening. Short of someone telling me, I won the lottery. My total take home amount after taxes is 1 billion dollars, yeah, cheering up is not in the cards. I am not sure how many others are out there who have these days. These days you feel trapped. Since my divorce, I have no car, and no official income. I live with my retired parents and unemployed brother.(I am not sure why he doesn't even try to get a job but I am sure something is wrong with his spirit. He has mental issues of his own too. So, I try to cut him some slack.) I've been applying for menial jobs just to have some stream of income, with absolutely no success. Sure, I am halfway through a data analytics course. I have been working on this for 3 months. However, that brings in no income. On days like this I feel like I have climbed halfway up the depression hole, only to discover I am still at the bottom. All of the climbing you did yesterday was around the hole, not upwards. Also, by the way, the hole gets deeper every day. On days like this, my 100 square foot room feels like a glorified prison. I know I need to cry. I know I feel like this because I am exhausted and weary of the daily wear and tear life puts on us but there is no way to activate the catharsis because I officially have no one who "gets it". I have no one who gets me. I just want someone to give me a call, tell me, "Let's go have some fun. Don't worry I will pay." I want to get you out of the house. I want to get you away from the oppressive life you live with older Christian puritanical judgmental parents and family on watch, an annoying brother who will not get off the couch and bleeding clipped wings that long to escape this mind and body. Yeah, it's one of those days you have to wait it out.

#Depression #depressed #lonely #hopeless #MentalHealth #exhausted #weary #stuck #prison #catharsis #Isolation #Judgement #Escape #Needabreak #Fun #betterdays #Divorced #single #unemployed #noincome #livingwithparents #careerchange #financialstress#waitingforbetterdays

52 reactions 18 comments

Dating with bipolar, trichotillomania and c-ptsd

I've been talking to a guy for a while know, and we're meeting up this weekend. He's started asking questions about why I'm on #Disability , what my #Bipolar (the only thing I've been open about yet) affects me and would affect us if we ended up dating. How and when do I open up about all the other stuff? I don't wanna #Trauma dump on him, but some of it really needs to be told so he can understand why I am the way I am. It's not something I'll be able to, or want to, hide. My #Trichotillomania gets bad when I'm #depressed , #anxious or get #triggered . Since I've been in a #depressive episode for a really long time now and struggle a lot with #SuicidalIdeation and thoughts about #Selfharm it's important he knows some stuff. I've been in #SelfharmRecovery for almost a year and a half and my scars are bad and ugly. I know he'll ask questions, and I have no clue how to open up to him as I barely know the guy.. Do you guys have some tips?

9 reactions 2 comments

Sick and Lonely.

#AutismSpectrum #Autism #depressed #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe

I am catching a cold and I am lonely. My parents have the same thing as well so I have not seen them in a while. I do not have any friends where I live except for them.

17 reactions 5 comments
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Do You Have Experience?

#joblife can be a nightmare when trying to find the right one. Unfortunately, many jobs exist that do not exist in the first place. I have applied for jobs recently, which I have not heard back from.

I also applied for jobs that I have been interviewed for and was told that they wanted to hire me and that I was the best candidate... but then later told that they found someone with a more robust skillset.

Just today - I received a message on Indeed that offered me to come in for an interview! YAY! Exciting right? Then, I was told they sent it to me by mistake and that I was not selected for a job interview. How can you make such a tragic mistake to someone desperately looking for quality work?

I applied for retail jobs and was told I needed to give full availability, but they do not guarantee hours. That means I would need to have several retail jobs to juggle to maintain consistent income, but that means they also want full availability.

I believe many things must be said about this. I reach out to any of you who are #Jobhunting or #struggling to make sense of things.

Are you #depressed ?

Are you #tired ?

Are you #sick of it?

Are you #Trying ?

Do not give up.#sharewithme your story.#Depression #BipolarDisorder #ADHD #Anxiety #MentalHealth #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder

7 reactions 1 comment

Do your boyfriend’s / husband’s do this??

First of all I adore my man and I want him to stand out anywhere he puts his foot in. But I realized that he doesn’t know how to dress all that good.

Today morning I asked him to change his shirt for work because I didn’t like the color. He told me it was one of his favorite shirts and I should stop insisting on him to change it because he won’t.

He told me making him do such things especially in the morning, sets a tone to his day. I apologized for ruining his morning and I stopped insisting. He also makes music as a hobby on the side, he likes getting feedback only if it’s positive. He tells me if he likes his songs, he’ll go with it.

I asked him to allow me to dress him when we go out on dates then but he said, “ I guess will be staying home then”

I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything that opposes his actions or words. Kinda makes me feel sad. I guess i ruined his day, I feel awful about it honestly. What do I do?


I feel a bit out of control

Today, yesterday and days before them I've gradually, but steadily gone down hill. I seem to have no filter on my thoughts as they come straight through to my out loud spoken words. I'm better off left alone to do my job then having him doddling around me doing nothing! I don't even want to go back but im as good as my word and I'd never let them down just cause I feel #depressed or #anxious . It just takes one question or the slightest hint of criticism from him sets me off and it's on. Thank God I at least have my days here by myself. He doesn't arrive till after 6pm. This attitude sticks with me and I'm short with anyone who talks to me. It just doesn't stop. This angry voice inside of me. I'm not this way . Can anyone relate?



I'm angry right now. Ash and I might be broken up because I messed up... I said something wrong and now she's not talking to me... dang please anybody help me like I feel dead inside... I need Ash like really bad... I never needed anybody like I needed. I feel stupid. #angry #depressed #Dead

2 reactions 4 comments
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My Cozyone

Animals always give you unconditional love! They let you know you are their world and they'd be lost without you! Truth is, I'd be lost without my two girls! They are great antidepressants! ❤ #alone #depressed #Love # Unconditional #CPTSD #Anxiety

6 reactions 9 comments