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How tall are you?

I've always seen above people's heads... or I remember a time years ago when I was in elementary school, fifth grade... Mrs. Vogel a great teacher, said to my mother "I love that Amber reads so much however it's the context of what she is reading that bothers me." I loves to read, I still do even though other things have gotten in the way of my passions and enjoyment. It was my escape from the painful reality that kept my face in book after book and story after adventure. Man, do I miss that fifth grade girl right now because this almost 40 year old woman doesn't even know how she is going to make it through the week. I didn't realize until tonight that I am really so different from my family and pretty much all of them. I also didn't realize tonight that the same sad and lonely fifth grade little girl is still inside of me and now she has been woken up... BUT this time she isn't going to hide her face in a book or story or adventure of another fictional characters life. Nope, Nope, Nope!! She is going to figure out how to get herself out of this dark hole and finally LIVE!! And when I say live I mean live her own adventures without regret because those "around" her don't understand and she is going to tell her own stories with apologies because they are hers, the good and the bad and all of the bullshit in-between and she isn't going to hide her face behind a fiction character that makes the real her seem so small. I think tonight, I learned that the reason I am a six foot tall, strong, fierce, emotionally messed up beast of a woman is because this whole time I've been holding things most couldn't even imagine but I held them. I held them on these strong broad manly (🤣🤣🤷‍♀️) shoulders because God built me to be able to withstand the pain that others may have crumbled under and I think for the first time in my entire messed up, confusing, angry, bipolar and happy life... I understand from a oddly different perspective... now to figure out a way to keep this same energy and vibe and apply it... that is the real struggle I'm about to face... but I am going to with all my might attempt to face it differently than I have faced so many battles before. Because I've always known this I just didn't put it to work the way I should have... I HAVE GOD ON MY SIDE! I HAVE FAITH ON MY SIDE! I HAVE A DESIRE TO HEAL! I have so many things that this emotionally damaged person deeply inbeded within me took over for many years. But I know how to work with her now, live with her now and damned if I'm going to second to her also. This is my life and I am going to live it now... #eyeswideopen #BeautifullyBroken #aware #DayOne


My Anxiety

I’m 16. I suffer from Anxiety disorder, Social Anxiety disorder, Depression and OCD. I’ve had these basically all of my life, but was diagnosed just this year officially. I wanted to come on this app to find people like me. To find people who have the same struggles, same thought process, and same “malfunctions”. I struggle daily because of my disorders, as I know many of you do as well. I want to help those who need it. I understand. I’ve been in your shoes and i’m so young. I cry myself to sleep most nights, I lose my appetite so much, I have irregular heart rates and I sweat uncontrollably in my hands, even during the cold seasons. I know what it feels like to fall down, dirt in my face, mud on my knees, but I’ve always gotten up stronger than I was when I fell. I know what it feels like to be your own shoulder to cry on because you had no one else to be there for you. I know what it feels like to can’t get the cruel thoughts out of your head eating you away day by day. It’s terrible and I wish I could take it away from myself and everyone else. I’m here for you, for us. We can do this. ❤️ #EndTheStigma #AnxietyDoesntKnockFirst #BeautifullyBroken


Beautifully Broken 🖤

I never intend to fix you, heal you, or change you. I intend to help you see just how extraordinary your broken is. Every little jagged and cracked piece of your soul fits perfectly into this masterpiece of who you are at this very moment. And, at this very moment, I see you exactly as you are; this perfectly imperfect soul unlike any other. #BeautifullyBroken