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Everything that has happened to me over the course of two+ years is finally blowing up, coming out a big way. On one hand, it’s a relief to finally have things out in the open.. but I pushed it all down for so long that it’s so hard to accept and deal with. Of course it’s easier to hide from issues than to deal with them head on.. I’ve never been good at that.

But when you finally let it all out and accept that you need help and need to make changes in your life, it feels fantastic and scary all at the same time. Letting go of something that’s held my life in its death grip for so long feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I hope that I take this opportunity for a fresh start seriously. I’m scared to fail. But every day I will wake up and promise to keep trying.

#GettingHelp #Selfacceptance #bettermebettertomorrow


Heartbreak, owning up and making changes

I've been going through the grief of the worst breakup I've ever had someone who ended up treating me like sh*t on their shoe wouldn't even give me back things that belonged to me pushed every button on every insecurity and vulnerability with anger and such a vile heart and I never did anything to deserve that. Met with my counselor today had to face a couple of hard truths but also had a few "a HA ! " moments afterwards. I can fix my parts but I've still lost someone I loved forever. That hurts... as I'm sure you know. This is going to take time but I'm trying to get through this in healthy ways ( exercise eating right hobbies doing for others although I took an MH day from work the other day and couldn't get out of bed until noon. Honestly that's improvement considering this breakup was two weeks ago ( while I was out of town on business and I've just returned and have to face it all over again. Thank you God for my dogs for helping me see that I can fix my stuff and that there might be other opportunities for love in the future. But it still hurts like hell... I can't lie. #heartbreak #bettermebettertomorrow