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Who needs a Heart?

I don’t think I have the strength to continue dating. I was talking to another guy that ghosted me after talking for months. I’m always feeling like I’m a second or third option to everyone. Rejection after rejection makes me feel like, Am I even worthy to go out with anymore? I’m scared and tired of baring myself emotionally to get kicked and stomped on. Now I feel, in my early 30s, that I will die alone with my cat. I hate this feeling. Every bad date or experience feeds the depression. I am barely functioning. Barely leaving the house. I don’t know what to do. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Dating #heartbreak #MentalHealth

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My adult son and I have had a close relationship, going out to dinner and a movie most weekends, as I moved across country to be closer to him and other family. Recently, I had a heart scare and was in the hospital 6 days. He informed me( the day I was released) that he only helps me because he says he is a good son but he doesn’t owe me anything. Seems so angry and now I feel like I am a burden. His callous and cruel words has pretty much destroyed my heart. I honestly thought he enjoyed my company and really loved me but am even questioning why he wanted me to move. This has truly broken this 73 year old mothers heart. Don’t even know how to move forward. Thanks for reading. #heartbreak

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Telling someone you love them, even if you know they don’t feel the same way? OPINIONS?

I was just wondering what your thoughts are on telling someone you love them, even if you know the feeling isn’t mutual? There is a man I love…we’ve been friends for a while, and slipped into a situationship a couple of years ago, but it has been mostly platonic for the last year or so. He’s been hot and cold over the years, but has always kept me at arms length. His reasoning is the age difference, and he’s said he doesn’t feel that way towards me. Even though it’s definitely seems he has at times, he’s verbalized that he doesn’t. I however DO love him and have strong feelings for him. Do I tell him I love him? Not in hopes that he’ll love me too necessarily, but because I feel like I need to? Is it wrong to him if I put him in that position? Or should I not worry about that and speak my truth? I’m scared, but feel like I need to tell him how I feel. Life is short. Even if he doesn’t feel the same way, at least I shared how I feel. I’m curious everyone’s thoughts and opinions on this? #Love #Anxiety #heartbreak #Opinion #Truth #help #MentalHealth #SpeakmyTruth #honesty

32 reactions 22 comments

Healer Pains

Healer Pains

Full of Anger and rage
Feeling like I’m a animal locked in a cage
My nature is so misunderstood
Perhaps it’s time to move on from the hood
But I Love my independent city
Even though the committee ain’t take no pity

Isolated and assets frozen
Although they don’t yet know I’m part of God’s chosen
Treated like a hardcore criminal
My poem are definitely subliminal
If you know me, you’ll get it
Ain’t the usual one to quit

I walked away for self protection
So, wouldn’t be forced into flexion
Straight forward as it can be
Though I did flee, At least I’m free
Self love is a priority
Even if I ain’t in the majority

That don’t stop us from doing as we please
Perhaps, why I’m a narcissist that is to be put in a freeze
From trauma and vulnerabilities we came up,
Banged up, beat up - yet we still worked hard and built up
So, why the hate?
And all the jealousy mate?
Took you for free spins and fed you during your worst

You were injured and I was the one to bring you back to health and nursed
And now I’m cursed?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
One day, you gotta regret it my boo
True love, acceptance and understanding- heck, gave even my soul
Now, all this hurt masking as anger and making feel like a burning coal

Quite the toll, though I thought your love was free
Then, why the hefty fee?
Anger and rage on the front
Amidst a manhunt
Hurt and grief under the front
Perhaps, nows the time to get blunt

Yes, I am fucked up
And the only one who saved me is my pup
You were right, I was stupid
The only mistake I made was chasing Cupid
Don’t know my story yet think they know all
Destroying me so I forget to walk and can barely even crawl

Malicious prosecution and defamation
Think it’s a game of persuasion
It’s nothing more than a crime
To prevent me from the social and corporate climb
You think I forgot, that’s cute
I never forget a learned friend dispute

You know I’m better than you
And that’s a strong fact that’s more than just true
Don’t let simple nature and humble attitude fool you into arrogance
You caused me to lose my soul and become spiritless
The student is now the master
Now that deserves a round of applause and laughter

Karma is a mogul’s game
And though I don’t care for the fame, it ain’t gonna stop me from bringing the claim
Justice is overdue, stayed quiet for too long
Have come closer to being proven wrong
My only regret, had I spoken earlier
I would be worthier

Money is important but my people are my assets
They are the ones to get my out of bad debts
Got my back because we init for ride or die
They ain’t no supply, they real niggas on which we can rely
Now that’s a fact you cannot deny
My team here for the full and permanent long haul

And although right now, I’m back at the stage of crawl
I got the mindset and approach to stay resilient
Cuz I found out way too late that I’m more than just brilliant
Genius and gifted talent, that’s God’s chosen
So, let me give you a glimpse of my life in slow-motion
Watch out cuz this girl’s a tornado, not to be tamed

She won’t remain for much longer chained
It’s time to break free
And I think that’s something y’all agree #heartbreak #Love #Pain #growth #soulpain #selfhelp #SelfHealing #writings #Journaling #feelings #Emotions #validation #hurt #Grief #Loss #Rejection #abandonment #social isolation #punishment #Karma #sins #good #bad

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I like being alone. But not like this.

I can’t describe the kind of loneliness and pain I am currently through. I can’t talk to anyone about what I’m really feeling. I literally have no friends to turn to. I just got out of a 3 year relationship. My first relationship. And as gay guy. It’s been 13 weeks now, and I’m still struggling to cope. We didn’t end things badly. He broke up with me and asked if all the things he mentioned was true or not and I agreed. We both decided it’s better. We still care so much for each other but ae don’t really talk. I stayed with him for those 3 years and now I had to move back to my hometown with my parents. Now my support system (parents) are not that great. They don’t know how to deal with someone going through what I’m feeling. We can’t discuss it. Ever since o was a child also. Nothing. They also don’t fully accept that I’m gay and they think it is a choice. So I just sit with my thoughts. Alone. Going insane. I’ve been praying to God to help me every night. I’m seeing my psychiatrist next week after waiting for these past 12 weeks. Finally. Someone can finally sit and listen to my story. I hope he can help. Because I feel lost. And and also I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and bipolar since 2016. So it’s total hell for me. #Nofriends #breakup #heartbreak #lonely #lost #Someonesaveme #BipolarDepression #Anxiety #Grief

34 reactions 12 comments

♡ " So Tomarrow Is Going To Be A Rough Day For Me... " ♡ #AnAnniversaryDeath #Depression #Anxiety #saddness

♡ " So As Alot Of You Know From My Post's... That I Was A Mother.. And Lost A Baby.. I Have Recurring Nightmare's Every Year When His Anniversary Is Here... The Memorie's Of Losing A Tiny Little Human Being... On Replay... I'm In No Mood To Work Tomarrow... But I Have To Act Happy And Get It Over With... And Just Fake It Till I End My Shift... I Didn't Go Into Work Today Because I Had Nightmare's... And Pain In My Lower Back And Hip's And Ankle's... I'm So Miserable... And Sad Right Now... I Just Want To Curl Up In A Stuffed Animal Or Fleece Blanket... I Have Sat Off... " ♡ #heartbreak #exhusted ●▪︎○S.K.○▪︎●

64 reactions 36 comments
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Standing by my teacher's side during her cancer journey

Cancer. What an awful word. Never in a thousand years I thought that I would lose one of my dearest people in the world in such a short period of time.

Back in 2018 I decided to start taking pottery classes. I needed something to keep my creativity going. Even though I loved writing and painting, I always felt as if I needed something that would be more of a challenge. Near my place there was an art institute and I decided to give it a go.

And there I met her: Laura. She irradiated such a positive and calming energy that it made me feel at ease from minute one. She was a ray of sunshine. I immediately saw her as a motherly figure, not a teacher. She taught me the basics and by the end of the lesson, I knew I had gained a friend, a confidant.

At the end of March I had a cholecystectomy and she kept sending me messages asking how I was doing. FYI, we had only known each other and the rest of the girls for less than a month. I couldn't wait to go back and share my Friday afternoons with them. We would drink yerba mate, listen to music and have some biscuits while we created amazing things with our hands.

We loved the same kind of music, we made the same stupid jokes and we could talk about anything, no strings attached.

Then the pandemic hit and our pottery lessons were put on hold. It felt empty but we kept in touch with spontaneous FaceTime sessions every now and then.

In the midst of it all I had started my fibromyalgia treatment, had lots of tests done and Lau was always asking how I was doing...like a mother would.

2021 began. I still remember the day. March 14th.

"Eri, gorgeous. How is your treatment going? I waited a while before asking you because I didn't know if it was working. Things for me healthwise are not looking good. I'm afraid I won't be able to teach this year. Whatever's wrong with me needs to be treated by an oncologist. I can't believe that I'm still living my life as I normally would. Anyway, it is what it is, I have to give the best of me."

This time it was my turn to stand by her. I was in total shock. All I wanted was to take that pain away. I was angry. Why her? Why now that we couldn't be together? Why in the middle of a pandemic? At this point I still had hope. Treatment was available. My grandma had overcome it, my auntie too...twice. Laura was strong, she was going to be okay.

August arrived in a blink of an eye. Somehow I had managed to avoid getting covid, Laura too.

"Eri, Danila told me that she is free on Saturdays in the afternoons for pottery classes. What do you think? Is 4pm to 6pm ok?"

In my head I felt that everything was slowly going back to normal. That first class at her place was like a reunion of best friends that hadn't seen each other in ages. She had two dogs who loved being held, the music was back, this time we drank tea but the biscuits were always the main protagonists on the dining table. We couldn't hug, we still had our masks on. For those two hours we forgot about our health problems and just enjoyed each other's company.

The end of 2021 approached and her health had deteriorated quite a lot but she never canceled any of the lessons. Not once. Her hair had fallen out and she was sometimes wearing a wig, she was thinner than usual because she couldn't eat, her feet were swollen. She had told me that the cancer had spread. I knew what that meant but i refused to believe it. She looked just fine from the outside.

Our last lesson before Christmas was special for the saddest of reasons.

We would now hug when we got to her place and when we left. This time one of her daughters was helping a lot, I could see that Lau was too weak and a bit lost.

In my mind I knew...but I didn't want to acknowledge it.

Before we left that day she gave us a hug...the biggest of hugs. She reminded us to take care of each other, to listen to our bodies, to love unconditionally and she told us over and over again that she loved us and that we had helped her so much to feel good during her illness. Danila and I looked at each other and reciprocated the hug and the love words.

When the door closed and we reached the corner of the street, we cried our eyes out.

Lau got hospitalized just before Christmas and asked to be discharged for the New Year. She was that stubborn, still. She wanted to be with her husband, her daughters and grandchildren.

January was weird. Lau didn't respond to our messages as often and by the end of the month it was her daughter the one in charge of her phone. I prayed more than ever in order for her to feel the least possible pain. I thought about her day and night.

January 31st, 2022

I got the message that I dreaded the most.

"Hello girls. I'm Eduardo, Laura's husband.Laura is not physically with us anymore. She left us today at midday. We are not having a funeral. She didn't want her loved ones to see how she looked in her final days. She wanted for you to remember her like that bubbly and happy person she was. She loved you girls dearly. She even decided to teach you pottery even during her treatment because you were her medicine, what kept her happy. I thank you for the bottom of my heart for all those beautiful moments you gave her."

I felt my heart being broken in a million pieces. I had never felt such pain. I could feel my heart aching, I cried so loudly that even my mum got worried. Such was my heartbreak that I ended up with a fever for the rest of the week. What now? How to move on? What was I going to do?

I was going through a severe depression and this heartbreak wasn't helping much. I didn't think I was going to be able to go back to her place to get my things.

But I had to.

I can't explain what I felt when I went through that gate and through that wooden door. I needed to keep myself together: for Lau's family, for the girls, for my sanity. My hands were shaking, I still couldn't come across the fact that she was gone. My mind was in distress. I tried to keep a straight face. I put my things in my bag and then one of the girls said some comforting words...and that's when it hit me: I was ugly crying again, gasping for air. I needed to leave. Just like that last time of seeing Lau giving me a hug at the door before saying goodbye, I looked at her daughter and gave her the warmest of hugs. All of the ten blocks that separated her house from mine I cried. I cried like I had never cried before. What was the point of keeping my pottery stuff now?

But then I remembered. All of us four, her students, had helped her without even knowing it. We held her hand, we picked her up, we gave her comfort and the assurance that even in the darkest of days, the sun shines. I know she's not in pain anymore, and even if my heart is still breaking...I know she's here with me, singing along to our favorite Harry Styles song.

#Cancer #Grief #Friendship #heartbreak #Empathy #Love

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My boyfriend broke up with me…. and I feel shattered.

It happened. And I never thought that this day would come and how hurt I will feel… he let me go because I am not independent on my own and couldn’t find a job. I tried SO hard to make it work with my art. But I am a struggling artist. He just Couldn’t take it anymore. He told me he was thinking about ending things with me for months, sleepness nights etc. I’m 28 and This was my first boyfriend and partner. We were together 4 years. I just moved back to my parents as I had nowhere else go. Unpacking mu things halfway through and I started breaking down again. I feel so broken. So useless and lost. I don’t know what to do, what to feel, where to go. I am so scared. I just want to cry and hide from the world. I feel like i am not going to make it. I feel beyond repair. I feel shattered. #breakup #heartbreak #Heartbroken #lost #hurt #useless #scared #Broken #Shattered


Anxiety About Being Cheated On Despite Currently Being Single

Ever since reading about this TV show where a celeb crush I like plays a character who cheats on his wife (note, said celeb crush at least so far seems a nice guy who wouldn't do that), I am terrified of it happening to me. Though I know, since I myself am a performer, that you have to play some unlikable people after a certain point, I feel so tormented by it. I think I have developed a trigger for adultery. I am afraid of falling in love or getting into a relationship, but that I won't be attractive or good enough and their eyes will wander to someone better. I find myself obsessing over it and getting upset about it, even though it's never happened to me yet, and wondering how on earth will I cope. #Anxiety #triggers #Love #heartbreak #betrayal #Relationships #celebcrushes #cheating #Adultery #Advice #help #Fear

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Advice on a breakup

My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago and honestly, I’ve never felt so broken. I absolutely love him with everything I have and he just walked away. He kept saying that I was the one and recently he said he stopped loving me. Not only am I on my own again, we have to sort out our flat. It’s in both our names but I can’t afford to move out or stay on my own. I have no idea what to do and I’m really scared about the future and I don’t want a life that doesn’t have him in it. Does anyone have any advice on any of this, because I’m really struggling right now and have no idea what to do. #Depression #heartbreak #GettingHelp #Relationships