Bladder Cancer

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Bladder Cancer
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    No motivation. Having a hard time getting out of bed the last two days. #Depression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Anxiety

    I feel so overwhelmed. I have a full time job but I haven't gone in the last two days. I'm depressed. See I've been through a lot lately. My husband was diagnosed with stage 2 Bladder Cancer last year. 2021 was basically all about getting my husband through chemotherapy, bladder removal surgery, and then helping him get over two post surgery infections.
    He's just (within the last month) has been able to go back to work. I tried to work as much as possible through this. I worked everyday in January.
    With all the world news happening I seem to have taken a turn for the worse mentally. I know taking two days away from the office isn't the worst thing in the world. Just feeling low. Checking in with others may help to lift my spirits.

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    HYPOCHONDRIA/SOMOTIZATION

    I developed an inguinal hernia right as i entered puberty. I thought it was a tumor and didn't want to "inconvenience" my family with my death....I taught myself to die.

    Fast forward a few decades, and the delusions continue. Every ache and pain evolves mentally into a terminal condition. I watched my wife die 5 years ago from cancer (I was 27) and have fought bladder cancer in myself in the mean-time.

    If it wasn't for my hypochondria/somatization disorder, it would've been too late when they would have found mine. leaving my child an orphan. listen to your body, even if its making mountains out of mole-hills.

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    My anxiety is off the charts tonight... Got home approximately 12 hours after leaving the house for work. Worked a full day of customer service calls for the county courthouse I work at, ran a couple errands after work, stopped at a drive thru to get some dinner for myself and finally made it home to my husband whose fighting stage 2 bladder cancer. I opened the passenger side door to unload my things and what do I see.... A mouse!!!!! I've never experienced anything like this before! Of course the stupid thing crawled under the passenger seat of my car. I'm beside myself. I let my husband know. He is the best husband in the world. Even though he's exhausted, he's gone to the hardware store to get some glue boards or live traps so that we can bait this mouse out of my car!! So insane. #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Cancer #Relationships

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    CURING HUMANITY

    I’m a 19-year-old college advocate hoping to reach the FDA to promote the accelerate of cures/vaccines for incurable diseases. Please help by signing the petition and promoting it to your social media if you agree with my petition. We can start by passing the Promising Pathway Act Bill.

    For more information read my petition…

    www.change.org/p/janet-woodcock-m-d-accelerate-the-developme...

    iamals.org/action/promising-pathway-act

    ** TAKES LESS THAN 3 MINS COMBINED TO COMPLETE **

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    Struggling today #MentalHealth , #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #BladderCancer

    Having a hard day today. My husband was diagnosed with stage 2 bladder cancer as of April 5th. He had a large tumor removed back in April. And started chemotherapy this past Friday. He had some complications, but went back to work today. I struggle with depression & anxiety. Watching him go through this has been extremely difficult. I'm struggling with my own demons and kicking myself for not being strong for him. He says I'm doing fine, that he feels he can turn to me for anything... But the lies in my head are easier to believe. I work full-time (customer service, answering phone calls for a local courthouse) in a small call center. Couldn't see myself handling customer service calls today (especially if they got even a bit difficult). Tomorrow my husband has surgery to put in a port for his continuation of chemotherapy. I need to find a local support group, find some more outlets. It doesn't help that I live in Arizona and we've had breaking record heat for the last week. All I want to do is stay inside... But I need to find a balance somehow. I have counseling tomorrow evening. Thank you for reading... Any encouragement is appreciated

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    Holidays & my birthday #Christmas #NewYearsEve #Birthday

    I have loved Christmas for as long as I can remember. And at 50 I still love it. The lights, the magic, something in the air.
    And for as long as I can remember this time of year makes my depression so much worse. I believe it’s from so many dysfunctional family get togethers, mom & dad fighting. And I’m sure some other stuff.
    Just around Thanksgiving in 2011 my dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer. He was 72/73 years old. He didn’t want to do chemo or radiation.
    This is how the next less than 2 months will go: Dad got diagnosed
    Dec 9- dad’s birthday
    Christmas
    My birthday
    New Years Eve
    Jan 17- dad died
    I have come to really not like having my bday between Christmas & New Years.
    I spent today alone. I have “friends” I think, but maybe they are acquaintances really. No one invited me. No one asked what I was doing. Usually it’s at my sister’s but she didn’t feel like doing anything. I don’t want to be alone. This timeline is hard enough. Why doesn’t anyone care? What is wrong with me?

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    Positivity Needed #Grief

    I find my anger with the petty, whiny, “Karens” and “Richards” of my area rising, and my patience with their ridiculous behavior worn to near non-existence. There are more important things than bitching about being required to wear a mask. My father is dying. He fought off Bladder Cancer nearly 30 years ago, but subsequent surgery for a hernia involved surgical mesh. That mesh has now shredded his colon. He has maybe two weeks left, and I’m traveling to see him for the last time, tomorrow. My mother, to whom he’s been married for the last 54.0.0.5 years, has advanced Alzheimer’s, and is now rapidly deteriorating. I’m losing them both simultaneously. I was lucky to have a deep friendship with my mom before Alzheimer’s made phone calls too challenging, at which point, I grew similarly close with my dad. I’ve been deeply and doubly blessed.

    I just want to scream at these people that there are more important things in this world. That holding our loved ones without fear of “plague” is what we should be fighting for, not fighting each other, but I know they won’t listen...and I know my anger and lack of patience is largely grief. I wish they could see, just for a moment, through my eyes.

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    Ughh- Strong #strong

    I dislike, maybe even hate this word. I hate when people tell me I’ll get through whatever is currently happening because I’m so strong based on what I’ve gotten through in the past.
    No, I’m freaking tired people! I’m tired of always having crap to deal with. It started in kindergarten. Did I understand exactly that I was strong back then? Hell no. But I do know that by the age of 10-12 I was already having thoughts of the world would be better if I wasn’t in it. I’m 50. And what has happened in those years, if I stop and think about all of it, I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting, for me, about me, the issue at hand. I’m tired...
    So far it’s been- bullying, getting beat up on a daily basis, terrorized by girls in my neighborhood, more bullying, name calling, digs at my dad, unloving mother who I have never been good enough for, narcisstic mother, alcoholic dad, fights every holiday between them, cars crashed, more beatings, beatings from my mother, teased in grade school & high school, married the first guy I had a serious relationship with-3 years after I had our son, he was narcisstic, emotionally abusive, controlling, domineering, at 30+ years old I had an allowance even though I worked full time. After 17 years together finally divorced, and that took a year and was horrible. Thyroid cancer for me, dad has 2 strokes and goes to live in a nursing home, mom totally hates him even though he has been sober for years, parents burned out and my mom & 17 year old sis come to live with me & my family. I tell mom she can’t stay any longer after about a week. My son was born a severe asthmatic, in the hospital and in an oxygen tent at 7 months old, none of my family was there or supportive with my cancer, melanoma removed, dad is diagnosed with bladder cancer- he’s the only one who ever loved me for me, accepted me for him. He’s gone is about 2 months- watching him deteriorate so fast, he no longer looked like dad when he did pass. It’s 8+ years later and I’m sitting here crying as I type this. Hit by a car crossing the street, thankfully not severe but bad enough, alcoholic boss, he wasn’t when I started there. Stayed18+ years before I left. Fired from next job in 18 months, date a guy who I wind up having to file bankruptcy after he finally leaves. Sexually assaulted by a patient at job. Lose friends over the years and I don’t know why. Can’t seem to make new friends. Voluntarily and involuntary admissions to psych hospitals, both after the age of 45. Why did it take me so long??? Attempted OD & cutting at the age of 48.
    I’m tired!!! Laid off because of COVID. Isolation home with just me and my pet bunny. I’ve cried so much. I decided to go no contact with my mother this Jan. Just can’t do it anymore with her. I’m tired.
    Strong???? No I don’t think so. Tired more and more as I get older, maybe that’s why the attempted OD at 48. I’m tired. Hysterectomy at 46 because of so many cysts, thyroid removed for same reason. Breast biopsies for the same reaso