complex PTST

My day was planned out and rolling right along as scheduled. The morning was filled with the usual. Seeing my husband off to work, wrangling my 3 boys in an hour to take them to school. At this point they’re in 3 different school, choices in, which mean mom gets the privilege of driving them to and from everyday. One starts school an hour earlier than the other 2 and because COVID he also lets hour 2 hours earlier(instead of 1). To make the hour go by I’ve decided to make it easier on myself and bring my iPad along so after we drop the oldest off we stop for donuts and then park at the school and they watch something to occupy their time stuck in the car. We don’t live close enough to make going home in between worth it.

I left the house at 7am and finally get back home by almost 9am. I had decided it would be a productive day. Make a healthy breakfast, plan a couple weeks worth of dinners, make a grocery list, shop, get the kids some clothes, shower, mail a care package off. All before returning to pick my son up at 1:30.

Yea... in my dreams.

It was going well at first. Made breakfast, packed the care package. Sat down watching Gossip Girl(again) while working on planning meals and a grocery list. Of course every time takes longer while getting caught up in fictional drama.

Realizing I planned too many things, I decided I’d shower in the evening and that I’d just get what I needed for dinner and order grocery pickup for the next day. Easy adjustments. When I left the house I had a good 1 1/2hrs to 2hrs before going to retrieve my teenage son. It was nice to get out, my myself and do things. A few more adjustments were made. I’d wait to mail the care package and grab stuff for dinner until after I got my kid.

After I was finished running errands, I grabbed lunch. I would have just enough time to stop home, eat real quick then get back in the car and head to the school.

Then... ☄️🌪🔥 You see my husband broke his ankle 3 weeks ago. His driving foot nonetheless. Thankfully he’s been able to carpool with someone once he went back to work. Anyways, while I was in the line at Popeyes getting, what I had determined would be my last “treat” before making better healthier food choices, lunch.. my husband texted me. He wasn’t feeling good and asked if I could pick him up from work.

There went lunch, I’m not really a ‘eat when I drive’ kind of person. I mean at least that’s not what I had planned for this meal. I wanted to sit down and enjoy my meal and relax for a few minutes before the rest of my day resumed.

Anywho... so ok.. more adjustments. No problem. I love my husband, he can’t help the position he’s in. So.. I go get him and have to go straight to the school. Stop at the post office to drop the package off and then head home. Although I did manage to eat a couple pieces of chicken while waiting for my husband to come out and get in the car. - I get home, bring my husbands stuff in, get his lunch in the microwave,
#ComplexPTST

It’s ironic how life can deal blow after blow. Even when you think it couldn’t possibly get worse, here it is. Having been born and raised a country boy, having been taught right from wrong, I’m finding that life isn’t as black and white as you would like to think it is.
Through a series of life changing events what was once wrong, became right. What was once right became wrong.
I always contended that I would marry once and once alone, but that became wrong. Wrong cause to do so would mean to be untrue to myself, my children, and my companion. In order to do right I had to set them free and myself in the process.
In hopes that my companion can find the person she was meant to be with I needed to set her free to pursue that love. The love of someone who can truly say they love her for her...one thing I unfortunately could not do, not that I didn’t stay completely loyal for 20 years trying my hardest to do just that. It came down to companionships and common goals, common interests and what we wanted for our children that ultimately forced me out of that committed but unhealthy relationship. Unhealthy only due to desires not being met, life not being lived.
In these few months that have past I was lucky enough to find someone who fulfilled my dreams, and was willing to help me fulfill some of the dreams I have had for my children. Modest dreams but dreams nonetheless. It is the willingness to do whatever comes to mind that gives me the greatest satisfaction. The knowing that she and I both would do anything for our children’s happiness.
Busy bee I hope that you are doing well. And I hope the sunshine’s bright on you. I hope you can find the peace you crave and I am grateful for your kind words in this forum. I think of you and wish you well my friend.
❤️❤️