Psychosis

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Psychosis
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    Community Voices

    My letter to me

    Dear me,

    You deserve the best. You deserve to have what you want and always be the best version of yourself. You deserve to be only around people who see your worth and value. Never run after a man. Let them all chase you. You are special, unique, and one of a kind. Don’t hang out with people who don’t make you feel that way. Always set your standards high and take care of yourself. You deserve happiness, fulfillment, to live a life you want and enjoy waking up to each morning.

    You are worthy of all you want

    #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Disability #Trauma #Depression #Suicide #Selfharm #Psychosis #BipolarDisorder #Schizophrenia #Anxiety #PTSD

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    How do I accept a schizoaffective diagnosis?

    I feel like the world is dictating what I should believe in and without my thoughts being considered. In this case I'm made to accept this diagnosis after years of differing diagnoses which I did speak up about; I feel I can't say anymore because a small part of me does believe it. #Psychosis #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Schizophrenia

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Journal for the day

    I feel like it’s hard for me to relate to anyone… don’t really have a fandom or anything like that I follow… I’m just not interested. It’s hard for me to get excited about things like I used to ever since my psychosis.

    I also feel like I live passively like I’m always the passenger in my own life. It’s hard for me to take control and make my own decisions. When I do they’re not the best, risky. Maybe it’s my codependency issues? I’m not sure. It’s hard for me to find my own company enjoyable, I hate being alone most days but I also don’t mind it as I don’t have to worry about making conversation or feeling uninteresting or weird. I spend my time talking to friends I meet on friendship apps, mostly, trying to foster connection.

    I don’t really mind not driving… it’s not having a sense of direction that bothers me, a lack of awareness. I couldn’t tell you how I got here today without a gps. My mom is the same way, even with short distances. My aunt in fact doesn’t drive because of this issue and visual impairment due to adhd. The thought of being behind the wheel terrifies me. I feel I’m not even behind the wheel of my own life a lot of days. I’m scared of responsibility.

    I’ve been carried through my traumatic life I feel passively and my family has always been there to support me. I can’t imagine living on my own. Not only cant I financially afford it but also having all the responsibility fall on me I couldn’t manage it. I often feel lost and confused and overwhelmed by my adult life. Everything feels so extremely difficult, even as simple as waking up on time. Not to mention managing bills and maintaining cleanliness. It’s been difficult feeding myself as well, I feel I may have an eating disorder. I dread the prep and clean up process. So I’ve been sticking to quick meals, but also I don’t have much groceries left. So it’s difficult figuring what to eat everyday, especially when I’m in a hurry.

    For this reason the thought of having children terrifies me. I can hardly take care of myself let alone my dog. I feel like I’ll end up like my Aunt, who doesn’t drive and is married with no kids. I’ve always thought I’d want kids but maybe I just need to focus on myself right now. I honestly don’t even know what kind of career I’m interested in I feel like I don’t know who I am apart from surviving.

    When I’m in critical situations I feel more at ease than regular day to day life scenarios, because of the lack of control I find peace. Rather than having control and having to be responsible. #Journal #Psychosis #MajorDepressiveDisorder

    Community Voices

    Quitting smoking with depression

    I quit smoking for a month and a half and then something stressful happened with a family member and I went and bought a pack. And another and another. I'm starting over tomorrow. I know smoking doesn't help with stress but my bipolar depression has become unmanageable most days and I guess it's a comfort/crutch. I keep telling myself I have things to live for and being healthy will ensure I'm alive for as long as possible. I'm feeling quite defeated today and would really appreciate some encouragement. #quittingsmoking #Smoking #NicotineDependence #Addiction #Bipolar1Disorder #Psychosis #Anxiety #Depression

    13 people are talking about this
    Ana
    Ana @anapoltergeist
    contributor

    My Experience With the 'Walking Corpse' Delusion, Cotard's Syndrome

    I was always kind of interested in psychology and psychiatry, so, in my teenage years, I would check these videos and articles with lists of “bizarre,” “worse” and “scary” psychiatric disorders you could get. Of course, most of it was about psychosis. That’s why, when I was first diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, I was pretty scared. Even more so when my doctor told me I was experiencing Cotard’s syndrome, or Cotard’s delusion. It was one of the scariest and most bizarre disorders in many lists I had checked. Maybe that’s why I was first in denial. Maybe it was just because of the nature of my illness, it’s hard to tell. But the truth is that it took a while to accept I had experienced what many would call “the walking corpse syndrome.” It began with a feeling in my stomach and a smell, like I had eaten something rotten. Then, it spread to my abdomen, and I believed I could feel the movement of my bowels, a tingling beneath my skin. It was all rotten, that was my conclusion. The smell only got worse. I had been depressed, and didn’t leave my bed often. Soon, all of my muscles were melting and decaying. I barely spoke. I feared other people would notice the rotten smell. This made everything worse. Nothing was worth it, because I was already decaying. I was already dead. Cotard is experienced by some people with schizophrenia spectrum illnesses and psychotic depression, but the stigma around it, and psychosis in general, prevents us from talking about it. Psychosis is not a rare condition, but all the stories I had heard about it prevented me from identifying with that. You are not a zombie if you experience Cotard. And, most importantly, you are not alone. Antipsychotics and therapy helped me overcome it, in a few months. And then, I could understand how much that reflected my depressed humor, how it was a way of my mind to deal with all those thoughts and feelings of death, typical of depression. My journey with schizoaffective disorder is far from its end, and I am lucky I didn’t let that delusion convince me otherwise.

    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    I supposedly have schizoaffective disorder but I have some objections...

    I don't believe that I have the illness at all or anything else along that spectrum. I'm stuck taking meds that I'd say have rendered me an addict to those meds. I feel like I'm pretty healthy mentally and physically (I don't smoke and I rarely drink.) I'm stuck in a limbo and I don't know how to get out of it. #MentalHealth #Psychosis #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Schizophrenia #Depression

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    The only help was available

    <p>The only help was available</p>
    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    “I lost a baby. I was 14 when I didn’t give my first boyfriend consent….

    <p>“I lost a baby. I was 14 when I didn’t give my first boyfriend consent….</p>
    10 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    The New Appendix: A Story about the Pineal Gland and Pineal Gland Growths

    <p>The New Appendix: A Story about the Pineal Gland and Pineal Gland Growths</p>