Psychosis

I have spent more than the last 5 years trying in every way i could to get the medical system and my community mental health providers to see/be willing to see that i had some kind if parasite attacking me. From convo 1 i was tokd kim you have bipolar 1 (and complex trauma) and this is psychosis nothing does what you are describing. Many times i have thought the visible evidence was enough that finally being literally treated in abusive manners for wanting help was going to be done because thjngs were so clear, only to find er drs and acute care providers etc who wont even let me tell them whst has promoted me to do things like sit (as partiently as possibke—- and w my myriad if medical disabilities most importantky a primary immunodeficiency, i have spent lots of time in hospitals), all night to be seeen in ER for the situation only to have what hapoened 2 1/2 weeks ago and again yesterday (monday morning) happen. The dr wont even let me tell or show them anything, 2 1/2 weeks ago literally saying that this is a psychosis and im discharging you and be unwilling to talk or interact any further, or yesrerday when i had almost passed out was still having the room spin and feeling extremely shaky and weak — note low potasssiumnabd a significantly prolonged QTc (cardiac interval) had caused me to pass out and spend 6 days here and i hadnt been home 24 hours yet — and we very quickly discovered i am now covid positive.— the dr once again discharged me and i tried to say w my primary immunodeficiency and so forth and there is more medically and environmentally hapoening than i wanted to get into and she told me that “ you are being discharged andx thsr The ER is not the venue for this.” I know this sounds completely crazy but i am sitting here in the waiting room waiting for tgd bus to start runing (i guess anyway) because ibcame back 7 hoursblater havung chest pain and also beyond desperate but knowing opening my mouth woukd definitely not go well — esp as the nurses were disgusted at my return and laughing as tho i was completely stupid and completekh deaf despite fact that even with a good protective headcover on and a shirt that covers my full back snd neck , so much is falling or diving or whatever off my body that the stretcher sheet was visible startjn v to be coated and my purple shirt us more white than purple and anyone who stood near and looking at my and coukd see could hardly havd missed the things falling and moving, i was discharged before 2am and have sat here in a (very very unusually and strangely empty ) waiting room w no patients for 4 hours waiting for busee to. Start running or uber prices to stop surging all the while trying to figure oilutvwgat the hell to do now as my therapist and my pharmacumist best frirmds will telll you this is real and we have been talking about thd possibity that after 5 + years and as severe as the problem has clearly become kver this calrndsr year, even if everyyne did tgeir very vest snd everythjng tight this may now not be survivable medically, and after being ignored while i know they had to see this and after all the abuse and mistreatment and iver and ovdr againnripping the life i keep startibv to piece togetger to shreds when this once again flares (although fir almost a year it gas jyst gotten worse andxworse — no flares) i have been sitting heres truthfully wishing i was t so damn stubborn about my surviving (over and over in my life) and tgst i wass braver so i could just end this withb my life. But i am me and botg those thjbgs are cery real abdc true about me, and so i literally ding kniw what to do. I cannot ince again. Go hime snd continue as my apt is so contaminated i get 20 x worse inb15 min and my most special, wonderful loving little esa kitty is clearky suffering noth from what i have spread tk her abx throughout thd space and from my ibability to comfort snd be tgeee anx make it better, and i hust cant even walk onto the hallway again the guikt and grief themselves might kill me frankly, but i know telling anyone here i am psychiatrically jot ok now wont be taken as an honest and real statement being made bc i am trying to do what is right, and i also know in any situation that i need an ambulance tgey will bring me gere no matter what i want, and havjng never been in tge er heree w a psych issue this got me sent trightbti psych section of er upon presentation of mysekfcwhen whetger this partg isxreal oorcpsychosis or whatever in their minds, i was saying i wass medically unwell. And seek in v meducal help and tgey frew labsxand took everything from. Me and held me w no medical or mh care at all ivernight onky to wakr me the next morning and inform me i had been discharged by tge dr before shift change and his deparrture almost 4 hrexearlier snd i needed to leave — and they had drawn labsxtgst ifcthey had lokked at woukd have shown them meducal need such that the QTc andxpotassium issues weee alreadyvpresent abd they onky worsened befotd i was back almost a week later w a dangerously low bp and not okay and tgey enddd up habmcubg to admit and keep me and provide mrdical treatment, i am being treated worse w every interaction i have w anyone here bc of that psych er now being on the recordx rather than my diagnoeses and meds bring in my echart and so forth. I dont have funds to ubdr or lyft elsewhere even though many teaching hospitalx in the metro anx suburban area, plus i know showing up
Elsewhere now woukd nr seen as a reason to believe i am acting in wats that give them every rught to treat me w no dignity or respect etc, and on top of that i am beyond exhausted and not well and feeling so so unable tk go try to takr bus anywhere in so many leveks, but hust ad ms unwilling to tryto get any more care here. And while i have nk plans i honestly havd never felt despite my many very serious illnesses and my multiple really bad experiences that have contributed to complex trauma, felt less interestec i or willing to continue w life. Help w encouragement or thoughts but not dictates oc what i need to di please! Thx

I’ve never spoken about this before. But when I was postpartum with my baby, I was so sleep deprived and low support, that I started to have auditory hallucinations and strange delusions. There was one time that I didn’t know what time of year it was, what day. It was like I couldn’t process the concept. I would hear things and just ignore it and see shadows out of the corners of my eyes. I always thought there was something darting around the room it was actually annoying because I could never catch a look at it. Strange impending feelings of doom, being scared to fall asleep for whatever reason. There was this one time that my husband at the time I thought was against me and tricking me to go to sleep like I can barely remember but for some reason I thought they were out to get me and like they thought I was crazy and wanted me to go to sleep so they could get away with something with the baby (my mom and him). It felt like I couldn’t breathe all the time I wa so anxious and couldn’t sleep if I heard my baby cry or would think I heard her crying all the time and would come down to see if she was and she would have been sound asleep. Or have nightmares of her crying. I don’t know if this is just sleep deprivation or psychosis but there it is.

I kept having this weird fear of falling asleep it kept me from falling asleep it was so so miserable I can’t even understand the reasoning now

#PostpartumAnxiety #PostpartumDepression #PostpartumDisorders #PTSD

Hi, my name is deepsyche. I've been diagnosed with chronic OCD with psychosis.

#MightyTogether #OCD #Anxiety #Depression