#numb #BingeEating #compulsivebehaviors ##Uncertainty
I can't describe what I feel since months ago. Only the occasional crying that let out because its better to express and feel something. I binge eat and I compulsively cut the skin of my feet and eat it (embarrassing 😳). I think this is probably on the way of me knowing what I really feel and what I really want. And the added watching videos on youtube and watching movies and series on Netflix. I wonder 🤔 why I have to do something all the time. I can't sit still without distracting myself. The psychometric test will take tome to be administered; until the end of September to take it and 3 months more for the results. It's not a simple process. They will be analyzing the possibility of ADHD inattentive type and aspects of my personality.
It's a constant battle in my mind to stop what I am doing even if its boring and I don't love it to get things done. I am a procrastinating all the time. I can't do things and reward myself afterwards. Set goals or see in the future something for me. I just am in the present and looking inmediate rewards with the above activities and with buying material things. I am stuck. Could be that I don't want to face the future just like I did as a child when I didn't want to grow up. I have childhood trauma to work on. Also had #SelectiveMutism and #SocialAnxiety which was never addressed. I can speak in past about this matter, but I am not sure I am over it. Yes probably the #SelectiveMutism because I can speak in all situations except not that good in job interviews or authority figures like a boss or supervisor. Looks more like social anxiety and insecurity. There's a lot I don't like about jobs, and I don't want to work for money. I want meaning or at least peace of mind because I don't do well in stressful job environments or high demanding positions or working with various task at the same time. Also getting organized under these circumstances is very hard. Just wanted to express myself and read about people that understand or have similar experiences.