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#MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #sad #numb #CheckInWithMe

I don't know why but for at least the last 3-4 days I feel like I'm sinking. Like I'm barely keeping my head above water. I started noticing that I'm avoiding people and socialization in general, I'm isolating which always is a red flag when it comes to my mental health. I'm not having suicidal ideation. I'm just really depressed and I don't know why. I need to figure out a way out of this funk, but at the same time I feel like I deserve to be unhappy. I'm taking my meds as directed. Getting out of bed is hard, eating meals is hard, I feel like I'm forcing myself to do everything.

It's hard when you are numb. I don't feel. I have physical reactions that I think should be attached to feelings but they aren't. I think that from what I have observed from people. I only ever feel extremes. I can feel intense anger or intense joy (has rarely happened), but that's it. So, in days like today, when I find myself crying and in pain, but I cannot attach that to anything, I don't know how to help myself.
Am I the only one?
I know I have been feeling vulnerable the past few weeks, I know this because I rarely cry and when I want to it's hard to make myself cry. But this past week I have found myself quick to cry and randomly as well. If I let myself cry, I feel pain. Well, not feel it. It's hard to explain. My head feels tormented, like these dark clouds roll in and all there is is darkness. And then something strange happens. I feel uncomfortable, so much so I just want to scream and tear at my skin.
I know that I'm in pain, my soul is in pain. I don't know how to explain, I just know it as a fundamental truth. But, am I sad? I cannot tell. I am neutral. Am I joyful? I would say not. Am I scared or angry or irritated or hopeful or what? None of those. I don't think so. I don't feel anything. I am just neutral.

#numb #Vulnerable #Depression #CPTSD #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors

Sometimes life seems to be just fine, almost not bad at all.
And then, there are the other days. Days like today. The worst of the worst days. I hate when that happens. I’m angry and pitiful at the same time. I just can’t function as a human today.
If you are having today a bad day as well, then know, that you are not alone and let’s hope, that tomorrow is a better day❤️
And for the rest of the day that’s left - I’m pretending that I am a rock. Or a leaf. Can’t decide.
#Depression #BadDay #numb

So I took the step to stop drinking alcohol a few months ago as it wasn't helping with my mood, depression, anxiety etc. I was effectively self medicating with alcohol. I feel better to some extent now that I've stopped, but now I'm feeling quite numb and I guess I used to turn to alcohol or self harm to feel something, i'm actively trying to not self harm and alcohol is 100% out of the question but not really sure how to get out of this feeling. Has anyone else experienced this? Or have any healthy coping mechanisms to get out of a numb, depressive slump? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #numb #Selfharm

Had my counseling appointment, it went okay. We discussed things if I don't feel I can keep myself safe, the mammogram (not scheduled yet), #Selfharm stuff, #SuicidalIdeation stuff and things.
I kinda want to self-harm now, #Depression is high. Trying to motivate myself to do stuff. I'm really depressed and don't know why 😔 counseling didn't help too much. I feel like my life is one big distraction lately.
I miss my grandma a lot 😭 she died in 2019, she was more of mom than my mom could be it seemed. It's better now with my mom, a lot better but I can't discuss mental health issues with her or any other family members really. I didn't really with my grandma but I knew she loved me unconditionally and we agreed more on a lot of things.
My case manager called from my doctor's office about a different rheumatologist. Having issues getting in with one. She also called me back cause I called her about the depression and stuff, I don't know how that made me feel. I'm kinda numb and have fibro fog badly. Everything seems at an arms length and I'm disassociating a tad. I'm not doing great.

#Anxiety #PTSD #FibroFog #Fibromyalgia #numb #Update #Grief

I don’t want to be here. And I don’t want to hear about all the things I can do to practice gratitude or the people I will be hurting.

My panic attacks have me by the throat. I fight every fucking day to just make it through. I do it all. Medicine, therapy, breathing, walks, talking about it with family, completed an IOP… all of it.

I was in the hospital for 2 weeks a couple months ago. Got that support.

NOTHING IS HELPING. I hate waking up. I hate putting on a front. Nothing brings me joy. I’m completely numb. Wish I was exaggerating, Really wish I was.

This sadness is slowly tearing me apart and feeding the black hole inside of me.

Sending love and the biggest hug who might be feeling any of this too. #Agoraphobia #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #numb