I have worried constantly from a young age about the way I look, my weight , the clothes I wear, etc. I remember other girls telling me as young as elementary school that I was fat and ugly. From a young age, those two words have dictated my life. It wasn’t until I reached double digits that boys started labeling me as these also. By the time I reached high school I started to starve myself. Eating less and less until I was essentially fasting. I cut most food groups out of my diet, not allowing myself to enjoy or fuel my body with any substance. I would eat the bare minimum, usually just a granola bar, to get me through the day. I started dropping weight instantly and the high from starvation only fueled me along. There was something about the emptiness I felt inside that was euphoric to me. Through countless hours of hospitalizations, residential treatment stays and outpatient programming I have done an exponential amount of work to re-train my brain. When I hear people talking about the latest diets I can’t help but get frustrated. I have learned 2 very important life lessons through this struggle. 1. That there are no such things as good or bad foods. 2. Cutting out any or all food groups is harmful to ourselves. Even people I know who do not struggle with eating disorders get caught up in good vs. bad foods, eating X because it’s “healthier” than Y. Cutting out carbs or fats in their diets, not allowing them to enjoy foods they love like ice cream, bread, pasta, what have you that might be considered a “bad” food. Diet culture is pushed heavily in today’s society through any and all forms of social media. Diet culture: a system of beliefs that worships thinness and equates it to health and moral virtue. There is so much more to living and happiness than being the thinnest in the room. Even at my lowest weights I was depressed and suicidal. While I thought that my number going down would make me happier, it only made me more miserable. I was dying slowly each day, right in front of everyone who loved me. Today, I have an amazing dietician who lets me eat whatever I want. Making sure I’m eating more balanced meals, hitting all the food groups and getting stronger every day. My body is healthily leveling itself out now without me starving myself and that is a win in my book. Wanting to work on yourself and lose weight is okay, but what isn’t okay is restricting yourself to get there. You will never be as happy as you think with quick dieting. Being patient and kind to your body is a good place to start. So, please, please remember, food is food, there is no good or bad, it just is. Finding a more balanced way of eating is much better for your mind and body than cutting out any food groups. You need all food groups in order to live and be happy. Trying to survive on these diets is just that, surviving, not living. Every body is unique and beautiful, so don’t restrict yourself to be like everyone else, because you aren’t. #EatingDisorders #DietCulture
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