Eating Disorder Recovery

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    Finish this sentence: I define my recovery by ________________.

    Being in recovery is not linear, nor is it a one-size-fits-all experience. Some days might look different than others and that’s totally OK.

    What do you feel defines what recovery looks like for you? What are important steps or milestones, resources, or maybe even consistencies that you find helpful in guiding you?

    Would love to know what everyone has experienced! Feel free to share in the comments below 💌.

    #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Recovery #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Selfharm

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    Sharp feelings.. #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #AnorexiaNervosa #BingeEatingDisorder

    I have a big thing with memory and memories. I had #ECT and I believe I have trauma from it. It’s one of those memories that gives sharp feelings, from the bits I do remember.

    Sharp feelings are what I get with the majority of things. Sharp happiness, sadness, anger, etc. I get rushes and strong feelings that can arrive all of a sudden. I work on regulating my emotions 24/7. I work on dulling some of the sharpness, so that I don’t have as painful of reactions.

    I am incredibly triggered, which has filled me with sharp feelings and memory flooding. All of my mental dams break seemingly at once. I have to catch myself before I react in behaviors.

    I want to be happy. I want to look at photos and have them fill me with joy. They do for a split second, I believe. Though it has to be like 0.00001 of a second.

    I saw photos of me from a time that I was very sick, but everyone was so happy with me and how I looked. I finally liked me, but that feeling of liking myself would come in sharp bursts randomly. I had more bursts of extreme love for my looks that would crash almost as quickly as the joy I mentioned earlier.

    The downside was when I didn’t have the random sharp bursts of good, I had long periods of confusion, self hatred, and extreme sadness. In the majority of time, I hated myself and couldn’t see what I truly looked like. When the bursts of happy came I saw one thing in the mirror but it would disappear as soon as I would recongnize that I was happy with my looks.

    The mental gymnastics happen in fractions of a second. It’s peaks and pits constantly. It’s so draining that it takes your life. It does it as slow and painfully as possible, so why do I want it like someone wants drugs?

    My stepdad found photos from my moms old iPad. They were of me dressed up for my Grandfathers wedding, and others were of me all dressed up before prom. I have not seen these photos since they were taken, or shortly thereafter.

    I see them and am in shock at what I looked like. The feeling of seeing myself in these photos vs. what I remember thinking I looked like. I can’t even begin to explain..

    I want it back. I want to look like that again so bad I could scream, but I know better. In February 2023 it’ll be 10 years since my college friends gave me a very traumatic (but probably life saving) intervention and told the college. February 2013 was when I first got any help for my eating disorder.

    I can’t let the anger I feel due to people not believing I have an eating disorder anymore (due to weight gain and RECOVERY), ruin me.

    I cannot go backwards because of those photos. I need to change the narrative.

    You know, people REALLY underestimate the mental power we exude just to live minute to minute staying on the right track.

    Boy am I tired.

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    What name would you give to where you are in your recovery journey right now?

    Everyone’s recovery is different — no matter what you are healing from — and so are the stages and experiences that come with that journey.

    If you had to give this current stage a name or title, what would it be?

    Mine is, "The Stagnant Awakening: Making Difficult Changes."

    #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Recovery #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Selfharm

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    What do you want others to know about life in recovery?

    Recovery sometimes feels wonderful, but it can also be complicated, and it may not be exactly like it’s portrayed in the movies or on social media. What would you like others to know about your life in recovery? What are some parts of recovery they may not see, and how can they support you? #EatingDisorderRecovery 🌮#AddictionRecovery #ChronicIllnessRecovery #mentalhealthrecovery #Recovery #RecoveryLife

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    How to help deal with the new requirement for calories on menus

    The new requirement for restaurants and cafes to display calories on menus will no doubt challenge people with eating disorders – myself included, as I have personally suffered with anorexia. Here are some things to remember, which might help if you’re struggling with this.

    Firstly, calories aren’t the enemy. Calories are simply units of energy, which everyone needs in order for your body to carry out its basic functions. You wouldn’t tell your younger self that you couldn’t have that cookie because it had ‘too many’ calories in it, would you? You wouldn’t make your younger self have that plain salad instead of pizza would you? So why would you now? You are still as deserving as your younger self to have full food freedom and have permission to live your life to the fullest, without a number on a flimsy menu telling you otherwise.

    Secondly, for someone with an eating disorder such as anorexia nervosa, it may be hard to have foods that you’re scared you may not like, and it be a ‘waste of calories’. But calories aren’t a currency you spend, they’re something everyone needs to live! When you’re older, looking back on your life, don’t you want to say you made the most of it, and enjoyed it to the fullest? Don’t let a number control you. Calories aren’t money and you don’t need to ‘save’ them up, or decide what to get with them. You control food. Don’t let food control you. Because a life of food freedom, will always be better than a life listening to an eating disorder.

    Lastly, calories aren’t an exact science. They’re simply an indicator of how much energy a food contains. Your body doesn’t care if it’s had X more calories than usual; it only cares that it’s getting enough fuel.

    #BodyPositivity #EatingDisorderRecovery #anorexiarecovery #Selfacceptance #eatingdisorderawareness #tipsandtricks

    One thing I can promise you is that once you push through the hardest parts of recovery, you will not regret it. I can't promise that things will be perfect, or that recovery will be easy. But I promise that you will find yourself again and things will be so much better than they are.

    So, don’t let this new law knock you back. Get that pudding. Eat what younger you would really want. You wouldn’t tell your friends they couldn’t have something, so why would you tell yourself that? Don’t let a number on a menu get in the way of you enjoying yourself and creating memories. You’ve got this!

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    Where are you at in your recovery right now?

    No matter what you’re in recovery from, we know it can be confusing at times — kind of like the ups and down of a spinning seesaw. Some days might feel really great, while others not so much. But know you are not alone. There are tons of recovery warriors here to support you!

    Where do you feel you are in your recovery journey right now? How you reached a point of stability?

    💛 P.S. Here’s a recent recovery piece we published if you’re looking for your next Mighty read: themighty.com/2022/05/trauma-finding-strength-through-recovery

    #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Recovery #EatingDisorder #EatingDisorderRecovery #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #SubstanceRelatedDisorders #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Selfharm

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    It’s okay #EatingDisorderRecovery #EatingDisorders #AnorexiaNervosa #Anxiety #CPTSD

    It’s okay. I learned yesterday that it’s okay I haven’t showered, walked or written in a few days. It’s okay my only focus right now is putting food into my body. My therapist told me yesterday to look at when I give into behaviors as my abuser winning. It may be childish, but it’s what will get me over this hump. This spot I’ve been stuck in with one step forward, two back. Just for today I give myself the grace I so freely give to everyone surrounding me. I have no one to answer to, but myself. 💙

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    #Trauma #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery

    I’ve shared some of my story here, but left out the part I kept safely hidden from the world until I was 40. I’m in #EatingDisorderRecovery for three years now. This year, 2022, is the first year I’ve been eating when hungry. I’m learning to listen to my body. I didn’t understand the #Trauma of the #CPTSD which kept me trapped. My heart hurts that it was so obvious to everyone but me. Thank you all for being here, and sharing your stories. I appreciate the strength you all model. I aspire to some day do the same, in return for others.

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    On the edge of collapse

    This is the first time I've posted. I need to vent but I don't have anyone in my life that understands. I'm hosting Easter, tomorrow, which is (not only) a big challenge day for food, but also for my Social Anxiety and CPTSD. I have to get my house ready for company, and the anxiety has caused me to become overwhelmed. I went to bed last night with a game plan on how to navigate this day and was feeling some hope. Then I woke up to my very sweet 11-year-old having made an elaborate breakfast. My anxiety over not knowing what was in it has put my anxiety at a 10/10, and she left a HUGE mess in our kitchen that was already struggling. I just had a big breakfast, I have a big Family Meal tomorrow, and I have guests coming to my complete disaster of a house. Social situations are one of the biggest Triggers for my CPTSD and no one in my life seems to understand how close I am to completely falling apart. And I, of course, feel guilty and weak for not being able to handle it all.
    #EatingDisorderRecovery #AnorexiaNervosa #CPTSD #SocialAnxiety

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    Meal plans and services?

    Hi everyone. Trying to be better about self care, and all that stuff. Has anyone tried any of the meal services? Not necessarily looking for a company recommendation. Just wondering if this service has helped anyone get a handle on all the effort which goes into meal planning, shopping and creativity in the kitchen. I get bogged down with all the #executivefunctioning needed to manage the kitchen. #ADHD #Selfcare #EatingDisorderRecovery #EatingDisorders #Parenting

    7 comments