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Healing #EatingDisorder


My name is Whitney and I am in recovery from atypical anorexia purging subtype. I am about to finish IOP next week and have made SO much progress in treatment this time going through each level of care. I wrote an article that is on my page about how I’ve started healing my relationship with my body during recovery, and if anyone is interested in finding ideas on things I have found helpful I would love for you to check it out. My goal in writing it was to just be able to help one person and I hope I’m able to do that. #EDrecovery #AnorexiaNervosa #AtypicalAnorexia #ED #MentalHealth #recoverywarrior


Dear Body, Dear Self

Dear Body, Dear Self
Over the years I’ve really put you through hell….i didn’t see it at the time but I do now. Not only mental hell, but emotional, and physical hell as well. I’ve broken you in so many ways and I’ve torn you down every chance I got. I was awful to you. You spoke back by medically breaking down and it was only at the point where you broke down the most that I could start to really listen to you. I know you had had enough.
We are in a better place now, it’s not perfect, I still sometimes ask you to look different, function different, but I know now how much you do for me and what your giving me each day.I can now see that it is because of you I’m able to walk, breathe, eat, sleep, hold hands with a loved one, laugh with children, help others. I’m learning to be okay with the way you look because of all the amazing things you do for me on a daily basis….things at one point I didn’t allow you to do.
We are getting to learn more and more about each other each day. I’m learning what I can and can not put in you for physical and medical reasons…you’re learning that it's okay to rest when needed. Our relationship after 20+ years is finally on the mend.
I would like our relationship to continue to grow…I want to, but I’m having a hard time trusting you right now. I have a hard time trusting that you know what to do with what I put in you, as that is something you’ve struggled with in part because of me. I’d like to be at peace with your physical appearance, and I think I need your help with that. If you could show me that you can still do everything you love in the body you’re in then I think finally we will be at a place of acceptance. But I do know in order for that to happen I have to play my part and give you the opportunity to do so.
I’m sorry for all that I’ve put you through, all the behaviors, the pain, the self hatred, but i”m glad we are learning how to coexist now in this new chapter of our lives.

Your Body, Yourself

#EatingDisorders #bodyacceptance
#MentalHealth #EdSheeran #EDrecovery


New Online Recovery Community!

Come join MEDA’s new recovery community! It includes community connections forums and recovery resources!


#EatingDisorders #EDrecovery

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Sick Clothes: a recovery reflection

The closet clean-outs of my eating disorder recovery journey were some of my most pivotal challenges as I regained physical and mental strength. At the beginning of 2021, this photo came up in a notification on my phone saying "on this day x years ago..."

It was a really fitting reminder at the start of this year that the most significant processes of healing, learning, and overcoming often make us feel hollow and devastated and entirely withered and frightened at first.

Trusting the process of grief and growth means that now, 10 years after my sickest months, I'm fully recovered!

2020 seemed like a big ol' closet cleanout for us all. And while l thought the pandemic discomfort would end in 2021, I also remember thinking "OK, this is the LAST time I'll clean out my closet". Inevitably, though, as I let my body take its natural form, clothes that once fit became triggering. They tugged in the wrong places and, at times, barely buttoned. The clothes that fit me BEFORE recovery needed to go...they were a constant toxic invitation for ED thoughts to return. Shedding these layers was BRUTAL... it felt like defeat, especially for articles of clothing that were sentimental. How do you discard your past?

I hung onto some items for a while, doing about 10 cleanouts total over the years. There are no reminders of my sick mentality these days. Everything in my closet now FITS my healthy body. Am I allllways confident enough to wear that crop top? No. But it's there in my size, and isn't triggering because I KNOW there have been times I felt beautiful wearing it. And there will more of those days down the line. There's no harm in saving it for a day I'm feeling particularly empowered. That's different than letting PAST expectations & norms dictate my CURRENT self-worth.

The discomfort of change doesn't mean we're growing in the WRONG direction. Sometimes the path to thriving feels mostly like breaking down at first.

All that said, maybe fall 2021 is the season we make our way outta the chaos labeled "new normal", which in reality never served me well. Maybe it's almost time to explore unfamiliar spaces of peace & possibility? Maybe not. But maybe yes. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Hang onto hope. These years are grueling, mentally & emotionally... I like to believe these days of tearful loss will lead into even more meaningful beginnings. A new phase of life.

#EDrecovery #MentalHealth #EatingDisorderRecovery #Survivor #humpdayhealing #IfYouFeelHopeless #Recovery #PersonalGrowth

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Introducing Me

Hi, strangers!

Throughout the pandemic and any other time life becomes too hard to untangle, I've found myself drawn to writing, blogging, creating, and putting pen to paper. It helps me make sense of the million tabs in my brain, or at least throw them out into the universe so that someone, somewhere, with similar "browser history" might feel moderately less alone. Because sometimes that's all we need: a hint of hope, you know?

I've been noncommittal with my personal blog recently and am having trouble with consistency as I wade through some recent grief, chronic/rare disease, mystery allergic reactions, and a lovely bouquet of mental health struggles... but despite that, I think it's worth making an attempt to jot down my thoughts every now and again. I love poetry. I love language in general -- in fact, I was a Spanish translator before Idiopathic Hypersomnia & medical debt inspired me to step back from corporate burnout. I now am self-employed as an artist & calligrapher. I love raising awareness for mental health & teaching people about self-care more than anything! It was a concept that wasn't introduced to me until I ended up in intensive eating disorder treatment back in 2012. I don't think ANYONE should have to hit rock bottom before learning to love themselves, so I've made it my mission (when my health cooperates) to make the lessons I learned about self-care ACCESSIBLE to more people.

I look forward to meeting some fellow recovery warriors, survivors, spoonies, self-taught entrepreneurs, and fellow fighters trying to find some way to shine our light gently despite the chaos around us. xo

#ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #introduction #MightyTogether #TheMighty #selfcare #EDrecovery #mentalhealthadvocate #RareDisease #Hypersomnia #Entrepreneurship #Selflove #Healing #Allergies #journalcommunity #Writers

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Ed recovery #EDrecovery

I had my eating disorder appointment with my doctor yesterday, it was rough. He wants me admitted to the hospital on Monday because I’ve been restricting to 200-800 calories a day, with only 2 binge days within the last week and a half..I see him and my dietitian every 2 weeks. I also have been abusing laxatives and I told him that so I have to go in on Monday and I’m so nervous. I have atypical anorexia so I’m not sure what to expect and I don’t feel valid because I’m not underweight and I feel like they won’t take me serious because of that. I cry at every meal and I’m so scared someone will go off on me in the hospital because it’s so hard for me to eat but you can’t physically see the effects it has on me since I’m not underweight; I was at one point in my life when it first started but no one got me help. On top of that I’m type 1 diabetic so there’s going to be so much going on and so many people involved in my recovery and I’m just not sure I can handle it and my family probably can’t be there with me. Not to mention I don’t know if I’m allowed my phone or anything, and I can’t dial out on the phone in the room so if I have a breakdown I can’t even call my parents. I feel so alone, my family hasn’t been supportive and hasn’t even sat down with me so I can talk about how food makes me feel..they don’t even take me serious so why should the doctors.


ED recovery win #Recovery #ED #EDrecovery

This is my first post ! I am feeling very positive about finding this app and these communities. I just realized that I bought a bag of Oreos on Monday and they’re not gone yet.

Big win for me is that I have portioned them unknowingly. By growing in my recovery I was able to buy a trigger food and eat it “normally.”

I still worry that full recovery for me will not be possible, and that I will never have a normal relationship with food but celebrating wins like this help me see the forest through the trees.

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What is Diet Culture

What Is Diet Culture? ⁠

You'll hear me talk about diet culture a lot here, so I wanted to give you a brief overview of what it is: ⁠

1. Equates thinness to health and moral virtue⁠
2. Promotes weight loss for increased status in life ⁠
3. Worships thinness⁠
4. Demonizes certain ways of eating⁠
5. Oppresses those who don't match the ideal ⁠

Diet culture negatively impacts mental, social, financial, and spiritual health. ⁠

#antidiet #DietCulture #EatingDisorderRecovery #Christian #EDrecovery #EatingDisorders

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Saturday Afternoon Snack and PD #EDrecovery #balance

Balance the homemade double chocolate muffin with a glass of milk. Balance the non-fiction reading with the stories of romance, mystery and intrigue. Balance the good with the bad, the movement with rest and prayer with praise . I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to turn back the clock to return to the past. I’ve acted like a child and allowed anxiety and depression to control my mind. I didn’t trust myself and I didn’t believe that my creator could love me after all the mistakes I had made. I’m restoring my relationship with myself. I’m returning to my faith and eating regularly. I’m returning to living. And striving to seek balance and embrace grace throughout each day. #Depression #recoveringperfectionist #ForeverLearning #SaturdaySipsAndSighs

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Sudden decline

In the recent weeks, I've made massive strives in my ED recovery. From having positive thoughts about my body to freely feeding my body whenever the hell I want. It's really felt like I was turning a new corner. But in the background of all the positive things happening in my own little world there's also been the crushing reality that my husband has been out of work bow for almost a month and our savings is dwindling day by day to survive. It's so difficult to focus on my own personal battle when there's a seemingly much larger and more important one happening all around me.

Then a ray of hope; my husband got an interview, then a starting date, then next thing I know he's at his new job. I would be over the moon if it weren't for the fact that I just learned his new schedule today. It makes it so that I will only have him here at home in the evening every other day and the rest of the time he'll be gone. Plus only one day weekends. I know we need the money and I know I should be supportive, but all I can think about now is how crushingly lonely I will be most of the time now. See, I'm not able to hold a stable job since we only have one car, and since the pandemic started, I'm no longer able to just go out anytime I want to via bike or bus and no place is open to just sit down in anyway. So when mg husband isn't here to take us places, I'm here at home.

Sometimes my anxiety gets so bad when I'm home alone that it literally feels like I could die. I feel so trapped and alone. And I'm finding myself more and more lately longing for and missing our normal life before 2020 hit. We had a routine, a life outside of home, friends. We were active and happy. I miss everything so much and the anxiety I feel when I think about the possibility that this may never end is absolutely suffocating. And now just knowing I'm left to my own most days feels like too much. I just want my life back. I want our life back. I don't want to be alone.

#COVID19 #Lonliness #Anxiety #Depression #EatingDisorders #EDrecovery

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