emotionalimmaturity

One of the things I'm discovering I love to do is explore and adventure in new ideas and places. In my childhood I was mocked, manipulated and punished for this swashbuckling and consequently I buried it, to my immense harm. Coming back to adventuring now, I'm realising that because of the ways my parents abused me in childhood, I learned that my worthiness for recognition was based on staying put, shutting up and agreeing with them, so rejecting my own thoughts, feelings and desires. But...what I'm learning now is that my worth is unconditional. On top of this unconditional value (perhaps even because of it!), I can explore and adventure and understand (or not understand - that's ok too!) whatever I want AND disagree with others/the author at the end of it. I'm learning it's not disloyal to want to grow; and it's not arrogant to have a mind of my own.

#NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #Abuse #emotionalimmaturity

Started learning about my emotions on the advice of my therapist last week. Using an emotion wheel and app to start gain some emotional knowledge. Hating it. Today I bounced around like a bl**dy pinball through half the negative emotions known to man... I hate that there is something inside me so changeable and unpredictable. On top of all that I have no understanding of how to communicate my feelings so every attempt blows up in my face and hurts the people I'm talking to. F*ck this sh*t.

#PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Abuse #PTSD #Depression #Anxiety #emotionalimmaturity