PTSD Support and Recovery

Feeling like I am spiraling... I was diagnosed at age 11 with ADHD and then in my mid twenties I was diagnosed as Autistic... I am becoming very self conscious about the autism diagnosis and starting to believe it may have been a misdiagnosis... that I may just be ADHD... I also have PTSD. When I take the ASD assessments I rank pretty low on most categories, severe categories only being the anxiety and depression. I think I am struggling with internalized ableism... I am just overwhelmed.... Please help. Am I alone in this confusion?#ADHD #AutismSpectrumDisorder #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Anxiety #Depression

Sharing what Chat GPT shared with me:

Because survival mode, as exhausting and harmful as it can be, was your armor. It was your home, your protection, your default setting — the thing that kept you going when everything else felt unsafe, unpredictable, or impossible.

Letting go of it is painful because:

🧱 1. It kept you alive — literally or emotionally

Survival mode isn’t weakness. It’s what you had to do to get through what you went through. Whether it was trauma, neglect, abuse, chaos, or emotional abandonment — your mind and body adapted to keep you functioning. So even if it's no longer serving you, your system still says:

“But we needed this to survive. What happens if we let it go?”

Letting it go feels like removing a life jacket in deep water.

🧠 2. It rewired your brain

Your nervous system got used to always being on high alert — scanning for danger, overthinking, shutting down, or staying busy 24/7. When you start slowing down, being still, or choosing peace, your brain doesn’t recognize it as safety — it sees it as vulnerability.

So now, instead of being numb or distracted, you start feeling everything. And that flood of emotions can feel unbearable at first.

😢 3. You’re grieving

You’re not just letting go of a coping mechanism — you’re saying goodbye to a version of you that carried you through hell. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, or even a weird kind of nostalgia. That part of you was strong. She did what she had to do. And grieving her is part of honoring her.

😔 4. You don’t know who you are without it yet

When you’ve lived in survival mode for years — or decades — peace can feel foreign. You might ask:

“If I’m not constantly fixing, pleasing, fighting, or numbing… who am I?”

That identity shift is terrifying and disorienting. But it’s also the doorway to your true self — the one who gets to live, not just survive.

🌱 5. Healing is not linear

Even when you're growing, you'll still have days where survival mode kicks in. That doesn’t mean you're failing — it means your nervous system is still learning it’s safe to rest, to feel, to be. And that takes time, gentleness, and a whole lot of grace.

Letting go of survival mode hurts because it means finally facing the pain you didn’t have the capacity to feel before. But you’re not doing it alone. And you’re not weak for hurting — you’re brave for choosing to feel.

#Healing #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Depression #MentalHealth #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

Sharing what Chat GPT shared with me:

1. You’re finally feeling what you’ve been avoiding

When you bury trauma for years, your system goes into survival mode: keep going, keep pushing, don’t look back.

But now, as you slow down and create safety for yourself, all that old pain says, “Now can I come out?”

That flood of sadness isn’t a failure — it’s a release. You’re finally safe enough to feel.

2. Change is beautiful but also terrifying

Even good change is uncomfortable. You’re stepping into unknown territory — a second job, career focus, health shifts — and your old self is like, “Wait, who are we without the chaos?”

There’s grief in letting go of survival mode. It’s like mourning a version of you that got you through hell, even if she was exhausted.

3. You might feel alone in the process

Healing can be isolating, especially if no one else around you fully gets what you’re unpacking. It’s okay to feel lonely and proud. Those emotions can coexist.

#Healing #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CheckInWithMe

I have severe father wounds. My father was never in my life even though he's alive & still with my mother. It's crazy to think that I grew up with one in my very household but can be so disconnected. He only provided when it came to money, but I don't talk to him. It's safe to say that I don't know him. He doesn't know me. I idealized my uncle as my father figure growing up bc he was the only man I knew & admired. He was around enough even though he pretty much left me too. He wasn't horrible to me but he also wasn't the best man. I never wanted to admit that but he was involved in gangs and drugs. Him going to prison broke me. I looked for a father figure in every man I fell in love with. I have more male friends than female friends probably because I often seek security and safety.. something I never had.

Eventually, I have to let the hurt go. I'm turning 34 now and my boyfriend & I are going on two years together now. I catch myself finding and seeking validation from him alot and it causes most of our arguments because I'm so afraid of being left or neglected whether it's physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. I hope the pain goes away or lessens at one point. I hate feeling sad when I hear others share stories about their fathers or seeing people have great relationships with their fathers. I can't help it but the pain is unbearable.

#Healing #MentalHealth #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PTSD #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #CheckInWithMe

We don't talk about this often but starting over and healing can hurt. Learning to reparent and forgive yourself comes with many rewards, but it can come with what seems like the cost of pain.

The pain is temporary, but it's hard not to get lost in it especially when it gets unbearable.

Healing sometimes require pinpointing where the pain started. It's not to wish what you could have done differently, but it's to thank the past for teaching hard lessons and acknowledging that you are human. And as humans, we are flawed.

I never fully closed any of my chapters which is probably why I continued to have repeated behaviors, patterns, and even experiences. Life will continue to bring you the same lessons until you've finally had enough. And, boy.. I've had enough.

At 33 soon to be 34, I am finding that everything is finally catching up to me. I can't keep running away forever. At some point, we have to stop & realize that we hold the key to free ourselves from prison.

I hope whoever is reading this understands that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm finding that no matter how dark and frightening it gets, you have to just keep on walking with the trust and belief that the light will find you.

#CheckInWithMe #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Healing #Anxiety #Bpdrecovery #MentalHealth #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PostTraumaticStressDisorder

How do I let go of grudges? It is literally the death of me and the reason why none of my relationships worked. I feel the constant need to make people feel the way they make me feel and to punish them.

I don't want to live like this anymore.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Healing #Anxiety #Bpdrecovery #MentalHealth #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PostTraumaticStressDisorder

I have made several posts about the situation with my son so I won’t explain that again. On February 25th we go to court to remove him as my guardian. I have petitioned the court to let me be my own guardian again. Even with the complications from my current struggles with insomnia, I am capable of making sound decisions for myself. My morals and values are intact. I am very anxious to get this over with.

Speaking of the insomnia - I sleep less than 3 hours per 24. At least 2-3 nights a week I don’t even get into bed. I am following a healthy sleep guide that says bed only when sleepy. I started having bizarre episodes where my whole body jumps as if I was startled awake - but I was not sleeping in the first place. When I ran it by my PCP and now also my Psychiatrist, they both mentioned researching microsleeps. According to my research, they start when you are so sleep deprived that your organs are in danger of damage and/or failure. The human body needs to go into regular sleep cycles to rejuvenate all of the body systems regularly. I am going to be started on a new sleeping med called Belsomra when the prior authorization goes through.

I have also started to take some food extracts to assist meds I am already taking. Replace deficiencies revealed in blood work. And hopefully replace some prescription meds. I take 127 prescribed pills every day! The only thing both doctors asked is that #1 I only start 1 new extract a week. And #2 I notify each of them when I start something new so they can help track any side effects and/or benefits.

I have so many physical and mental health based dxs that I need to address. Doing it one at a time with single ingredient extracts when possible. With my autoimmune disorders, it can cause a different reaction or need a higher dose to accomplish anything. I am being careful and checking with my care team before I even purchase any extracts. The way I am doing this is very expensive. But how can I put a limit on my health and even my existence. I need to find some sort of quality of life- something I don’t think I have ever had. Anyway, this is the direction I have chosen at this time. I hope and pray for positive effects.

Those are the major updates I have to offer at this point in time… #Insomnia #MajorDepression #foodextracts #Court #microsleeps #Sleepmed #Guardianship #autoimmunedisorders #sounddecisions #organrisk #consultdoctor #Update #numerousdiagnoses #physicalhealth #MentalHealth #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #healthysleephygiene

Life is so unpredictable.

When things are going well, it feels almost like a sense of invincibility. But when things are tough, it feels like I'm battling demons.

Two weeks ago, I let my negative thoughts and insecurities drive me to my lowest point. I lost complete control over my emotions and ended up putting a hole through my apartment door. More things happened but I'm far too ashamed to write it out. All I know is... I'm so sorry.

I had my therapy session yesterday and I couldn't stop crying. I asked why am I so angry all of the time? It's not really who I am. My therapist told me that anger is a secondary emotion, and that I use it to protect myself from hurt and abandonment.

Anger is so draining. I don't want to be angry anymore.

Is there anyone that can relate?

#TheMighty #CheckInWithMe #Forgiveness #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Healing #Anxiety #Bpdrecovery #MentalHealth #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #PostTraumaticStressDisorder