EnoughAlready

Yet another afternoon camped out at UW Medicine on Roosevelt here in Seattle.

I'm now too ill to lift my head.

The first round of test results are abnormal and show I'll need still more tests.

I'm physically annihilated and it feels like someone is poking holes in my soul.

Meanwhile, I'm reading all the Myalgic Encephalomyelitis research and my physicians are siting there, slack-jawed.

Day 6 of 365

#MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #cfsisamisnomer #ChronicIllness #DegenerativeIllness #EnoughAlready #physicianneglect #physicianerror

#ChronicPain is so horrible and insidious! It takes away from your entire life. Everything you want to do is #onconstantstandby because you don't know if you're going to be able to move, or see or breathe that day.
My children are getting a little older, but they are still babies, 8,6,4. They've told me that I never play with them and they're right, because I'm usually too sick or too tired to even wash the dishes let alone roll around and play with them. It's so rare for me to feel good enough to do anything , yet I force myself, guilt myself and berate myself to get up and do What I can. In doing so, I make my anxiety and depression a little worse because using more healthy methods don't seem to work. #makeitstop

I wish i would die. I wish i can endure the pain that keep killing me inside. I just hate myself and i hate everyone around me.

#Depression
I'm a single parent, not a felon, yet I am forced to live like one. I need to lift weights and work out in a gym to stay out of a #Pain clinic, and off an operating table. I must pay monthly dues, still I am denied access. My kids have #Autism. They do not do well with change, lack of structure, absence of therapy and routine. I'm getting beat up and screamed at 20 hours a day, everyday. I cannot go to the gym, or anywhere. I cannot get help, no one is allowed too, even though we are not sick. My body is falling apart. My mental health is in bare bones survival mode. Obviously my kids are feeling the same or their behavior would be less destructive. #quarentine is much worse for us than the symptoms of Covid 19.
When will that matter?
When will we matter?
#patience has left the building. #EnoughAlready