patience

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    #conquerthemindby #Accepting #MyCondition : #TraumaticBrainInjury is Not Just a Fantasy

    An Evening Reflection:

    My anxiety is reducing as I learn new tools. My guilt has subsided as I embrace compassionate care from deep within myself. Yet the ringing in my ears is ever so near. I thus cannot forget that there is a disruption deep inside my head.

    I have an injury that is taken more time to completely heal. I am now therefore learning, I can conquer my mindset. With acceptance and truth. I accept the fact, I have a traumatic brain injury, and that’s worth resting so it will reduce.

    #patience + #time =
    #Acceptance & #peace

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    Autistic people are often
    misunderstood. Throughout my life, I can recall times I’ve been painfully aware when other people didn’t like me for one reason or another. Knowing what I know now, I can’t help but wonder how many of those
    reasons were due to a lack of understanding…

    #AutismAwareness #Acceptance #Neurodiversity #navigatingneurodivergence #Masking #Trauma # unmasking #Understanding #patience #growth

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    Help with work anxiety

    :) I am at a new job and usually struggle to find or keep employment, so far everyone is nice and the training is better than at other places, but guess don’t want to feel alone in my struggles hiding my mental health at the workplace, maybe eventually I can reach out for help if they are accommodating, they offer some mental health supports partnerships so I’m incredibly lucky. Thanks for any tips and sharing your own story or struggles with work anxiety.

    😊🙂🙂💕🙏 💼
    🌻🌷❤️🌸☺️🙂

    .

    .

    #Newjob #Anxiety #coping #Trying #Hardwork #DoingMyBest #Hope #New #Life #struggles #Selflove #patience #growing #selfImprovement #resillience #Work #WorkAnxiety #Job #Brave #fears #Journaling #tryingtoovercomefears #SocialAnxiety #Coworkers #Nice #positive #positiveexperience

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    Difficult People: You never really know what someone's dealing with

    This new nurses aide at my pain doctor's office was really intrusive. And not very friendly. She was barely talkative or making eye contact. She seemed like she *really* didn't want to be there AT ALL.

    I asked to go to the bathroom, she said to wait, because the doctor might want a urine sample. Ok. No problem.

    Then we get in the room. I say if we're going to need a urine sample, can a get a glass of water?

    Here's where she gets weird.

    "Why do you need water if you just said you need to go to the bathroom?"

    "I just want a glass of water."

    "Didn't you just say you needed to go to the bathroom? Why do you need a glad of water?"

    I was pretty taken aback.

    "Never mind why I want one, will you just get me one?"

    After a few rounds more of this she agrees to have the other aide get me one. The other aide. Yeesh.

    She takes my vitals, some history questions, etc., then she finished. I'd been irritated the whole time about the bathroom/water incident, so as she finished, I felt like I had to say something ...

    "You know, you might want to not ask people questions about their bathroom habits, I have to say, I really didn't appreciate that."

    Anyway then she tried to explain-argue, repeating the BS about "you just wanted to go to the bathroom then you asked for water"... and finally I just told her, "Look, the issue isn't any of that -- it's that it's none of your business what I do in the bathroom or why, so please just stop!"

    Finally she left the room with an attitude of "okay I'm stopping this conversation now, crazy person," even though, well, you know.

    So on my way home I started thinking about how you truly never really know what someone is dealing with what they've been through or how much they're struggling to interact with you at the moment.

    Remembering that years ago I used to be so incredibly anxious, insanely and brutally self-conscious, profoundly insecure, and often just a few steps away from a full-blown, crawling on the floor panic attack. To the point that a lot of the time I could barely finish a sentence talking to a person, especially if I didn't know them well, without being obsessed about what they were thinking about me, and how I was coming across.

    Talking to people constantly put me on the edge of a panic attack, and often over that edge. And often that made me come across as being very awkward, very weird, "off" in some odd way, or even a little bit "creepy" because of it. Which of course sucked for me. I felt like people constantly misjudged me. I felt horrible about myself.

    Ok, sure, I'm still weird and awkward, but at a WAY lower volume. And my anxiety, insecurity, self-consciousness, and panic is a tiny fraction of what it used to be.

    So when I interact with someone who really rubs me the wrong way, I try really hard to remember how I felt, and keep in mind that I have no idea whatsoever how much they're struggling to interact with me in that moment and what sort of pain, anxiety, compulsive or horrible thoughts they're struggling with right then.

    Who knows what was going on in that woman's life in her head in her heart. I certainly don't. And she definitely didn't seem happy from the first moment I saw her.

    Of course I fail at this small kindness all the time, but I do try...

    All that said, I still told the doctor about it though, lol. Not to be petty, but because this woman needs to know that that's not how you treat patients and that's not how you act professional in a doctor's office, regardless of your issues.

    And that's some of what I learned for myself too. Is that it didn't really matter how I felt in a lot of situations, What mattered was how I was perceived, or what got done or what didn't get done, or how I made people feel.

    And I learned that it wasn't fair but that's how life is. We may be damaged and hurting but the world doesn't resolve around us.

    But also whenever possible, be as kind as possible. Because the world is chaotic and often cruel -- and our kindness can make a difference. Both to others, and to ourselves.

    #MentalHealth #Kindness #social #jerks #patience #difficultpeople

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    Embracing the Roomba

    Mom passed 7 months ago and grief isn’t simple (for anyone). Since early May, my grief has tangled so tightly with my bipolar depression, anxiety, aging, chronic pain, and highly sensitive nervous system that I’ve been left with a knotted ball, growing heavier and heavier.

    I move between rooms of our home, no routine, no logic. I will do one-quarter of a task before leaving for another spot where I’ll notice another thing to do and before it’s finished I retreat to the couch. It's a great deal like a Roomba (and if I could fit under the couch like the Roomba, I'd hide there some days).

    In one room I will cry because I can’t tell if it’s a King sheet or a Queen and leave the bed unmade. So I'll pull out all my nice Sharpie markers to draw but then can't think of anything to doodle. So, I'll go for a walk only to turn back by the end of the street because I’m just too physically weak (or it’s much hotter than I thought). Eventually, I'll make it into my office to edit an essay but go online to research my local politicians instead. Soon I'll start crying again and go outside to pull weeds. On the porch, I’ll read a single paragraph of the same book I’ve started and stopped four times since Mom passed and then give up and take out the trash but not the recycles.

    Perhaps it is post-pandemic, empty-nest, aging-brain induced ADD? I am certain my friends and family with ADD can relate to this Roomba feeling. Grief itself brings a disorientation as the brain accepts that someone should exist that does not anymore.

    And while I’m not ready to call this thought "hope," at least today, in this moment, I find comfort in the ways of little Roomba:

    move forward a little at a time,

    spin away from obstacles to find another path,

    be patient with the process, and

    return to base to recharge your batteries.

    #Bipolar #Grief #funwithanalogies #patience #Depression #OnedayAtaTime #Analogy #KeepMoving #rest

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    A rule I have been trying to live by.

    Always treat yourself the way you would treat other people. Would you tell someone else the same thing you're telling yourself? Would you beat up and criticize someone else the way you do yourself? I know that that's a broad question really. But you get the picture.

    I also am aware that there are a lot of people out there who would answer yes to all of those questions. But for me, my answer would be no. I generally care a lot about other people's feelings. Even though I'm not even a quarter of as big of a people person as I used to be, and prefer to be left alone until I'm ready to socialize, (which is not very often) I still want other people to be happy and live happy lives.

    As someone who has suffered a lot of years of emotional abuse growing up I would not want to be that person. I wouldn't ever want to contribute to becoming the voice inside someone's head telling them they're not good enough, that they're never going to be nothing, or they're unworthy and unlovable, or ugly and this or that. Some people are thickskinnded and others are not. Sometimes people can pick at someone and they don't think twice about it while others replay that over and over in their heads until it is permanently a part of them and they feel they are all of those things.

    Often times the voice inside of our heads that we think belongs to us is just an echo of someone in our past (or present) who did everything they could to rip apart any amount of self esteem you had. That voice isn't there just because of you. Someone planted it there, and odds are they didn't even know that the reason they did that was so that it would grow and make you feel as bad about yourself and they feel about themselves.

    Subconsciously they're looking for someone to bring down to their level to make themselves feel better because they probably had the same thing done to them. They don't know that it works both ways. When you're trying to bring someone up, and you're complimenting and reassuring them and supporting them, that it helps you too.

    Hurt people hurt people, because that's often all they have ever known. Hurt people can also be strong, and help build strength in others, and through that build more strength in themselves. I ramble around a lot I know. But my point here is this, treat yourself with the same love and compassion you would give other people.

    You are a human too and though you live a very personal life with yourself and being you and being a person is a wild concept and we often forget we are human as well, you deserve to be at peace. You deserve love and compassion, patience and support. You're on this earth just like the rest of us.

    Be good to yourself.

    #MentalHealth #begoodtoyourself #Love #patience #Understanding #Trauma #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD

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    A rule I have been trying to live by.

    Always treat yourself the way you would treat other people. Would you tell someone else the same thing you're telling yourself? Would you beat up and criticize someone else the way you do yourself? I know that that's a broad question really. But you get the picture.

    I also am aware that there are a lot of people out there who would answer yes to all of those questions. But for me, my answer would be no. I generally care a lot about other people's feelings. Even though I'm not even a quarter of as big of a people person as I used to be, and prefer to be left alone until I'm ready to socialize, (which is not very often) I still want other people to be happy and live happy lives.

    As someone who has suffered a lot of years of emotional abuse growing up I would not want to be that person. I wouldn't ever want to contribute to becoming the voice inside someone's head telling them they're not good enough, that they're never going to be nothing, or they're unworthy and unlovable, or ugly and this or that. Some people are thickskinnded and others are not. Sometimes people can pick at someone and they don't think twice about it while others replay that over and over in their heads until it is permanently a part of them and they feel they are all of those things.

    Often times the voice inside of our heads that we think belongs to us is just an echo of someone in our past (or present) who did everything they could to rip apart any amount of self esteem you had. That voice isn't there just because of you. Someone planted it there, and odds are they didn't even know that the reason they did that was so that it would grow and make you feel as bad about yourself and they feel about themselves.

    Subconsciously they're looking for someone to bring down to their level to make themselves feel better because they probably had the same thing done to them. They don't know that it works both ways. When you're trying to bring someone up, and you're complimenting and reassuring them and supporting them, that it helps you too.

    Hurt people hurt people, because that's often all they have ever known. Hurt people can also be strong, and help build strength in others, and through that build more strength in themselves. I ramble around a lot I know. But my point here is this, treat yourself with the same love and compassion you would give other people.

    You are a human too and though you live a very personal life with yourself and being you and being a person is a wild concept and we often forget we are human as well, you deserve to be at peace. You deserve love and compassion, patience and support. You're on this earth just like the rest of us.

    Be good to yourself.

    #MentalHealth #begoodtoyourself #Love #patience #Understanding #Trauma #EmotionalAbuse #PTSD

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    Acceptance of your Whole Self 🌺

    Acceptance of one’s whole self is seemingly difficult these days. The criticism and scepticism that people face from others on a daily basis is scary, unbelievable and daunting. I think what makes these feelings of judgement and worthlessness worse are the thoughts that we believe them to be true. These self-doubts can become debilitating at times. When these feelings and beliefs arise, I have a look at the passage below. It speaks of acceptance of one’s self. Self acceptance is vital in these times we live in. We rely on it to heal from our past to ensure we understand how to better our actions/ reactions in the future. Be patient in this process and know you are trying your best every day to simply be better than the day before. Accept the good and bad parts of yourself. Never condoning, nor judging, the side that requires the most growth. That’s all you can do. You are worth your own love 🌻🌻🌻

    #Acceptance #Selfblame #Selfcare #Selfworth #PersonalGrowth #selfgrowth #loveyourself #patience #Takeyourtime #Positivity #Forgiveness #Healing #loveyourself #growth #freeyourself #Selflove #journey #movingforward #itstime #LetsGo #MentalHealth #Recovery

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