I don’t know how I’m going to get through this weekend
I am struggling so much and I don’t know how to ask for time alone to engage in self soothing activities. I am constantly triggered by people, the environment, or my internal thoughts. I cannot stop organizing my environment to engage with others or even to take care of myself.
I have been homeless for over a year and now I live in a bedroom with my boyfriend in his friend’s house (so he is now also homeless and trying to survive). I am struggling so hard with empathizing with him because I have been in this for over a year and I am not doing well at all. I cannot eat more than a little bit of noodles and a couple of cereal bars a day, I only sleep a few hours each night, my thinking and communication is impaired, and I’m constantly alert.
He needs to talk but I cannot hear it because it immediately spirals me into an unsafe pattern of thinking. And this isn’t fair to him.
I love him so much and he is doing absolutely everything he can. I just don’t know how to tell him what I need without hurting his feelings. And I’m worried he will become upset and leave me because I’m not able to give him the support he needs.
I literally have him and my therapist and that’s it.
I don’t know if anyone will see this or if it makes sense but maybe someone will be able to relate. I just feel so hopeless and I don’t see a future where I am remotely okay.
I know this is controversial to say but there is literally no solution at the moment. I have called all of the usual agencies and all they say is “I’m so sorry, but there is nothing we have to help you.” That’s it. (I am continuing to try obviously.) So basically I am just trying to get through the weekend with some hope or a reminder that there are other people who see me.
#CPTSD #Agoraphobia #PanicAttack #ChronicMigraines