1. Panic over health changes, test results. and treatment changes.. Feel hesitant about sharing fears with spouse because he already heard a brief bit of it last week and he also takes caref his 88 year old mum twice a week.

2a. Also both ourselves and our families are neurodidiverse including autism for ourselves, BPD among some of his family, and OCD, within my family and possibly Aspergers (sp?). Also cpstd from older generations, in both our families.

No we don't have family contact if we can help it. Family involvement can make it worse.

3. I was diagnosed in June 2021 luncaner with lung cancer in the lower right lobe, staged 4a or 4b. I was advised to get my affairs in order, but was put on a chemo regime. Had a delighted oncologist 6 weeks later ,as the regime was working at the time.

4. I've had scans of all types over 3.5 years, and genetic testing. Last year, some small Mets were detected and I was put back on infusions while staying on targresso ( oral, daily). I have had difficulty with infusions, usually dealing with brain fog and some incontinence(sorry). Last fall I experienced balance problems and had a few falls within my home. my mum-in -law lent me her rolling walkerto try out. I now own one.

Along with my cane collection.
The collection which I didn't use after falling backwards off my front step while trying to use my quad cane on Sept 10 of thisyear. My back is OK now, except for lost back and knee strength from resting on the futon bed without walking much.

However I became afraid of my body/balance and my house which is about my age. And is semisplit level.

5. My back and period wobbles were becoming my biggest over the cancer.
Then I had an MRI done on my head two or three weeks ago. My main oncologist's
Associate broke the news to us (he was the "onc" scheduled that day) that there appeared to be a lesion on the cerebellum. My poor husband was shaken.

6. Now,2-3bweeks before this news I was switched off tragresso to a new med just approved by FDA. It's formulated--along with a new infusion--to target mmy cancer and possible mets. By last Thursday he had called another prescription for a steroid to work on the lesion. He wants to see how this works before pushing on to radiation therapy. But he would like meto ge ta follow up MRI-- farther had that request in by Friday.

7. So far, the steroid seems to add tothe brain fog. I'm supposed to take it 3x a day with food , along with my nightly Paxil. On Saturday, my husband and I got our flu and covid vaccinessothat effect may have added to my fog and weekend panic.

8, Monday will be my first day on my own since the steroids (he tends to his mom on Monday and Thursday).I will attempt to work from home with brain fog. Tuesday is my next infusion at 8:45. (I forgot--Monday I get a blood draw at7:30am for my Tuesday infusion. )

9. i'm wiped out physically mentally emotionally and spiritualy.
Tuesday is the election for hell which I wanted to participate in--but I can't find my ballot. Following an infusionin the morning, I don't trust myself to fill out a provisional ballot.

We did find old paper work for the Dept of moto vehicles. So now I can get my cardp tags I should have ordered last month. What the hell, im afraid to drive myself. It barely matters.
Next week is a 3 day weekend. Maybe I'll get our taxes extension filed. Like I was supposed to last month. I hate ADHD. or AuHD. My brains and life and finances are falling apart. I don't have my funeral or will planned. I'm the one that does the bills,like my Mom did. I know how that turned out when she passed before my dad.

Oh and retirement. I had to wait until this year to retire and still retain my med benefits for my husband and I, Last week the college I work for announced that we a)l have to work on campus starting January. I replied on Wednesday this week that I wanted to retire. I wanted to use next 3 day weekend to work on retirement. After the lesion news of last Thursday--
I don't know .
My phaser is set to stunned.

Anyone got a prayer or a Saint or some juju. Because I'm out.