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A tough morning / I'm here
I woke up this morning and instantly knew today was going to be a struggle. Laying on my right side was aggravating pain in my shoulder. As I rolled over to my left, and to get out of bed, I could feel the pain roll with me; from my shoulder, to my neck, to my back, to my left hip. Like a groaning, internal crowd doing a slow, agonizing "wave".
The hip pain stayed after I got up. In the shower I had to brace myself against the wall so I didn't topple over, cuz I could barely put weight on that leg. I had to take a break after getting breakfast. It hurt so badly.
I got dressed. Slowly. It must be the weather because my hip feels the same way my ankles often do in the winter; just like they've turned to ice. Or like I've got slowly healing shin splints.. but in my hip.
I spent time to do my makeup nicely. The stool at my vanity is comfortable, and for 15 minutes I forgot about my hip. I focused on precisely tapering the wings of my eyeliner. Unfortunately, this short respite made me late for the bus to work. Mom agreed to drive me, but I'd have to help her make breakfast for my quadriplegic dad.
I'm usually gone by the time he gets up so I had no idea what he usually eats or how he likes it. Mom and I ended up getting so frustrated with eachother. I was taking too long and dad needed to eat a certain amount of time after taking his insulin. I didn't know how to tell her that I'd had to take a break partway through, while she was in the shower.
We got it all done. She drove me to work, kn her way to her charity group meeting.
I'm at work and my hip is killing me, and my neck is putting in 110% trying to hold my head up.
And I'm here. And I get to have these days. With real, imperfect mornings and real, imperfect interactions. I'm not laying in bed, knocked out from pain meds. I got up. I got dressed. I did it. I'm here.
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#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Fibromyalgia #Positivity #feelingstrong
