depressionsucks

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    #depressionsucks

    So, had hard day. So much negativity towards me from my mom. I got up and took a walk with my sons girlfriend. I don’t need fucking negativity in my life. I don’t even watch the news because of it. I’m thinking about my childhood I don’t remember ever finding joy or having enthusiasm. I remember stuttering whenever my dad would raise his voice or yell. Later to find out that’s part of #AnxietyAttack . I remember to laying in bed at 5 afraid to go to sleep because I was afraid of dying or afraid my parents were going to die again #Anxiety . My whole life was abuse from 8-12 #SexualAbuse /#Incest . Later on met my X husband #EmotionalAbuse . I’m done venting #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PTSD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorde

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    When your depression flares…

    Having depression sucks! And what sucks worse is when you are doing all the things that you know to do to manage your depression, then life happens and wham! Depression knocks you on your a** again! I just feel like, “what is the point?” I have absolutely no energy for life. The mental, physical, emotional, & spiritual energy to exist is exhausting. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I am so lonely and feel so hopeless. What’s worse is I have to work extra shifts to afford to go back to therapy again. #depressionsucks

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    #keepongoing

    When I woke up this morning I felt great, I fed my kids breakfast and did some laundry (folded an put them away too) also swept, vacuumed and mopped! I was on a roll... I also painted my toes and my fingernails as well. I swear I wished I felt this good every day!! #Bpdsucks #depressionsucks #IllTakeTheGoodDays 😊

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    For the first time in a while, I'm scared...

    Soo, here it is...this is the first time on a long time i've been this depressed....to the point I'm sick...stomach problems...I haven't eaten well in almost two days...I have no friends in this area, barely hear from my family and so called friends at home...all i do is work, come home, and imbibe....I miss being social..my s/o is extremely introverted and doesn't realize I'm suffering, or pushes it to his mental rolodex file WAYYY in the back...my customers love me, but sometimes I feel I'm faking the funk with them,and that's not ok...and soo tired....I work early and sleep the majority of the day...it's easy to suggest to someone that they should invest in a hobby, but when your motivation is low, there's no such thing...excuse me while i get in the bed now...hope everything is well with eveyone.... #imsootired #idontfeelgood #depressionsucks

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    Depression

    I have plans to get stuff done, make to do lists, get stuff ready for my projects…and here I sit. I sit and waste all day either sleeping or mindlessly scrolling fb. My brain can not make by body get up. I feel lazy. Housework is suffering. I’m mad at myself but I can not make me do anything about it. Why? Kids are grown and good people, I have a house I can afford, a good paying job. Lonely yes, but I have too many pets that keep me company. I guess I’m still mad husband died of a heart attack 6 years ago when kids were in high school. I wanted to get old with him. I WANT to do things and have a house clean enough to not be embarrassed if i need a repairman to come. I have plenty of time to, I JUST CANT. I know it’s depression, it runs rampant in my family. I was diagnosed 15+ years ago. I can’t remember to take pills every day, but I can remember to give the dogs theirs, and it is ridiculously inconvenient-crush pills,mix w/ special food, separate dogs..Why can’t I just take mine then too? It takes too much effort. I feel i’m not living, i’m existing. I don’t like it, but I don’t have the energy to change it. I need to do better. I want to do better and more than just barely exist as a lump on the couch. I’ll sometimes be good for a few days, then a small setback wrecks it. Stupid stuff, like not having the rightsize basket to organize. Not having the exact piece of furniture i need to organize or rearrange. That particular dish is dirty. I left something in the car. A normal person would work around the basket, or use a different one, wash the damn bowl, go get the bag out of the car. Why can’t i? I’m pretty normal. Maybe I’ll look up counselors at work thursday when i’m by myself. I need to keep trying. My mom is proud of me for being so strong and independent, but she doesn’t know this part. I usually can play it off alright. But i don’t want to. I want to be happy. #depressionsucks

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    Friends

    Find yourself friends just like Pooh and crew. They always included Eeyore. #Depression #depressionsucks

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    lately i’ve been thinking about getting back on anti depressants.. i’m kinda against them but i’d rather not feel anything anymore than trying to force myself to not feel anything if that makes sense. I’ve been getting mirgrains more frequently so i got prescribed a medication for migraines which is also a antidepressant. hopefully this helps i’ve been slowly letting myself drown in depression. #depressionsucks

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    Why does my depression make me so tired? #feelingexhausted

    #depressionsucks I tale so mich care to sleep 8 or more hours a night and still feel sluggish, tired, and fatigued. I am beyond frustrated today. I wish I could just feel bettrr already. It's hard to be who I want to be. I struggle so much, I feel like I'm playing catch up with myself. And night school tonight! I feel really discouraged and even more sleepy!

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    Can’t take anymore #depressionsucks #ChronicPain #brokensoul #Invisable #Defeated #wheredoigo

    I’ve never felt like such a piece of shit burden. My partner doesn’t want me, desire me, nothing. I just need to know that you still want me. That I’m not just a burden, but someone you used to crave and desire. Then you broke my heart. As I try and put the pieces back together but they keep falling apart. I miss the glow in your eyes when you’d look at me, your touch so gentile yet filled with desire. Now I’m someone you take care of, someone you nurse, someone you’re responsible of, not someone who used to make your heart race with desire and love. Instead I feel alone unwanted broken nasty repulsive. I shouldn’t hold him back, I shouldn’t weigh him down. He deserves to be happy, desired, loved, free. I shouldn’t hold you back. If only I could disappear, not holding anyone back, and let you be free. How much can one person hurt, how much pain can I take? So scared, so low, so broken, so defeated