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Response to Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

"Find what makes the suffering worth it."

The conflicting messages we receive:

Share your story/No one wants to hear your story

You need to talk about it/All you do is complain

Stand up for yourself/Go talk to a professional

Then, you talk to a professional and are told everyone in a family has different perspectives...the implication being, your truth is a misconception.


Talk to me/Shut the fuck up

This is why more and more of us are ranting on FB; no one wants to hear what we go through and we still need to get it out of our heads and hearts and we desperately need someone, anyone to care.

We are trying to keep our feet planted solidly on the surface of the earth instead of planted six feet under it.

And, those who dare to say, "Suicide is just transferring your pain to others," it is not OUR pain. It is the pain YOU have given to us. Suicide gives the pain back to it's rightful owners. We are exhausted from being the delegated pain carrier just because we were strong enough to carry it. Our legs are buckling from carrying it alone for far too long.

And, NO, Dr Jordan B Peterson, there is nothing that makes the suffering worth it when the suffering is done alone and nothing positive will ever come of it--no one cares to hear the stories of pain and what we did to survive it, no one cares to hear the songs, no one cares to view the drawings and paintings. And, if the value comes posthumously, I say, "Fuck that!"

People need to have remorse now and make life better now. Stop the suffering now. Having remorse when no amends can be made is an exercise in futility; because, without changes in the present, the problem persists generation after generation. Like a child who receives consequences for poor behavior hours later, they have no understanding what the punishment was for and, therefore, have no idea what behavior needs to change.

This essay was written for all the gurus offering advice from a place of no experience.

#Isolation #emotionalpain #Suicide #generationalabuse

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My mom isn't dead, but I am to her...

#momsdayblues #generationalabuse

The month was tough on me. It was the first mother's day for my eldest daughter, who is so independent and I'm so proud of her, but didn't let me "in" to be of any help or support during the pregnancy or delivery like my younger daughter in. I know she has her own autonomy, but it still hurt me inside immensely that she didn't need me. After the traumas of the kids' childhood we all endured together, I thought we'd be an oddly-close family forever, but she's moving on with her fiance and my new granddaughter. I am happy for her, I truly am, but I'm still mourning the closeness I had with my little girl.
I can't turn to my own mother at times like this, for advice or insight or emotional support. She hates me. From my teens when she and I literally got in knockdown-dragout brawls, to today when our last communication she reminded me her pistol aim is still accurate. Why, you ask? Well she will tell you I was rebellious and didn't ever listen to her, which may be true because I can't remember a time when I wasn't flipping back and forth between trying to gain her approval/affection and trying to get as far away as possible from her hatred at me. I was born of her first marriage, wherein she secretly stopped taking her birth control to have me to "make him grow up" because women used to do dumb things like that...but as predicted by any mental health pro (or anybody over 40), that plan backfired and now I'm the adult unwanted-child; after growing up unwanted in her presence, especially after she remarried and had subsequent children. After setting my mental health up perfectly to be abused by men simply because I was starved for love and affection due, she has spent the past 28yrs of my life reminding me constantly how disgusting and horribly pathetic and prone to effing-myself I am.
I cut her off. I had to. She made me want to die, I mean, if your own mother views you as the worst mistake she ever made ...? Mothers day though, other family holidays; I just don't know what to do now. I'm an empty-nester, I stay with friends because rents are way too high, and yet I feel so utterly and completely alone. My boyfriend has a family, so I sit back when he needs to devote time to the kids and friends have family so I get out of the way so they can do their family events...but me ??? No car, nowhere to go anyway, not trying to be intrusive with my friends but GODS I am so unbelievably lonely. I miss having family.
What do you do when the familial support system is gone?