isolation

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    I’m struggling #COVID19 #MajorDepressiveDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #quarantine #Isolation #Upallnight

    So I have been in quarantine for almost 5 days now with COVID-19 and I feel like I am losing it. I have been unable to go to work and have only seen two people this week my husband (who had it right before I did) and my therapist ( teletherapy session ). I have been very emotional this week and it has gotten to the point where I don’t want to be around anymore. I have no plan or method and know that I could never go through with it. The isolation is messing with my head terribly. I’m just throwing my thoughts into the void and hoping maybe someone somewhere can relate. I just want my normal back.

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    Isolation / Avoidant Attachment / Boundaries ?

    The image says: "My past is an armor I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." -- Jessica Katoff

    My therapist offhandedly said something about avoidant attachment style a few weeks ago and it totally changed how I think of myself and made me realize how I am really experiencing the world.
    I was always the good kid who did the right thing and helped others. I wasn't wildly popular, but just a solid *nice* person. Up until very recently, I would have told you I was a "people pleaser", and really needed the approval and love of others.
    It turns out I have some serious anger raging inside of me that I never knew was there - and it is anger toward all those people I was nice to, all those people I helped, all those people I smiled at and befriended. All the people I listened to. All the people I never said "no" to. All the people who never *saw* me.
    My last boyfriend told me all the time how he had never felt so well understood by anyone in his entire life until he met me. How could I tell him that I didn't feel at all the same about him?
    I don't know how to stop this angry part of me from putting up a barrier to protect myself after decades of no one even bothering to notice that I might have reason to be angry and that I was in fact angry. I don't know how to switch my thinking from "boundaries" to "giant flaming wall" because I'm angry that I spent all my time and energy understanding other people so well and they never did the same for me.
    I don't even know if this post makes sense, but it is such a wild mind shift for me that I am struggling to know how to think or process things these days. Thanks for reading and for being there.

    #Isolation #avoidantattachment #boundaries #Relationships #Therapy #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #spiritualabuse #EmotionalAbuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #Family #angry

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    Response to Dr. Jordan B. Peterson

    "Find what makes the suffering worth it."

    The conflicting messages we receive:

    Share your story/No one wants to hear your story

    You need to talk about it/All you do is complain

    Stand up for yourself/Go talk to a professional

    Then, you talk to a professional and are told everyone in a family has different perspectives...the implication being, your truth is a misconception.

    Bottom-line:

    Talk to me/Shut the fuck up

    This is why more and more of us are ranting on FB; no one wants to hear what we go through and we still need to get it out of our heads and hearts and we desperately need someone, anyone to care.

    We are trying to keep our feet planted solidly on the surface of the earth instead of planted six feet under it.

    And, those who dare to say, "Suicide is just transferring your pain to others," it is not OUR pain. It is the pain YOU have given to us. Suicide gives the pain back to it's rightful owners. We are exhausted from being the delegated pain carrier just because we were strong enough to carry it. Our legs are buckling from carrying it alone for far too long.

    And, NO, Dr Jordan B Peterson, there is nothing that makes the suffering worth it when the suffering is done alone and nothing positive will ever come of it--no one cares to hear the stories of pain and what we did to survive it, no one cares to hear the songs, no one cares to view the drawings and paintings. And, if the value comes posthumously, I say, "Fuck that!"

    People need to have remorse now and make life better now. Stop the suffering now. Having remorse when no amends can be made is an exercise in futility; because, without changes in the present, the problem persists generation after generation. Like a child who receives consequences for poor behavior hours later, they have no understanding what the punishment was for and, therefore, have no idea what behavior needs to change.

    This essay was written for all the gurus offering advice from a place of no experience.

    #Isolation #emotionalpain #Suicide #generationalabuse

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    #Lonliness #alone #Isolation #Schizophrenia #MentalHealth

    I'm severely lonely isolated my doctor's appointment is far
    I have one friend he is very very busy, any selution? cause i always fall into isolation since I work from home there is nowhere to go but the gym and I can't afford it right now.
    I stay home for continuous 2.
    Not connected with My family.
    Is there something I can do cause I'm going insane

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    scary

    i was just thinking today about how i spent most of the last eleven months feeling like i was stuck in some liminal computer simulation and feeling like the only human. has anyone else ever had experiences where you thought you may be hallucinating or experiencing delusional thoughts? because when you’ve spent so long (for me until very recently) in borderline utter isolation how does one tell the difference exactly? it kinda scares me but i’m feeling better today and get to talk to a honest to goodness therapist tommorrow. i’m afraid of being taken away by men in white coats if i tak about any of this with doctor types though!!!!

    #Depression #MentalHealth #Loneliness #Mentalbreakdown #Isolation

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    Suffering

    I joined a small church plant a few months ago, but I'm ready to quit. Even in this tiny church, I can't find a way to break through their closed community. I have tried to connect, but it isn't happening. They're not bad people or even intentionally exclusive. I just think they have known each other a long time and newcomers are irrelevant. I can't take it. It's one thing to be lonely when I'm alone and quite another when I have to watch the affection and fellowship among those with whom I felt some stake. I just can't... #Isolation #churchfamily #allalone

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    Make a Difference

    As I sit here festering in my self-manufactured loneliness, I look at my phone constantly hoping for a missed text message or some sort of recognition that someone knows I exist. To no avail, unfortunately.

    So I wanted to remind you all, on behalf of everyone feeling the way I do, that someone out there needs to hear that you care. Reach out to your loved ones - no one deserves to feel alone in such an overpopulated world.

    #Depression #alone #Isolation

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    Covid Isolation Day ???

    My cat and I are both tired of being isolated from hubby/daddy. I’m now negative but he’s positive so we continue. This cat tho….🤣🤣🤣 #COVID19 #quarantine #Isolation

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    My Daughter

    #Autism #ADD #PDA #HEDS #Anxiety #Skin Picking disorder #Isolation #parental shame
    #chronic Illness

    I am so worried about my 5 year old daughter. She will be 6 in November, and is on the autism pathway waiting for assessment. Potentially she has PDA, ADD and a genetic disorder I have called hEDS. She has only recently gone full time at school but they still won’t let her finish at the same time as her peers and I have to pick her up early from the office. Her school friends often overtake her home though, as she walks slow. Often her friends go to the park together or have arranged play dates. They are almost always in pairs. Other parents barely talk to me, let alone arrange play dates. I know my daughter has been feeling increasingly isolated.
    Yesterday I picked up my daughter from school and she was already feeling very sensitive, she was crying and fed up. She was passed by several friends talking about their play dates they had arranged. She wanted to go to the park, I also had my 3.5 year old son in a pushchair (he potentially has ADHD and also wanted to go to the park) but it was 30 degrees and I worried it was too hot, and she had already started crying and getting upset. (Of course other parents didn’t care about this). All of this resulted in a full on breakdown of epic proportions. She was so upset and so overwhelmed she struggled with her breath, she couldn’t stop panic crying. Other parents overtook us on the way home and said nothing, didn’t ask if she was ok. My daughter is well-loved at school even though she is very quirky and I find this behaviour from other parents so isolating. I honestly feel so alone sometimes.

    We got home and the continuous crying continued for about an hour. She wouldn’t let me touch her. She then proceeded to bite her fingers until they bled. She has been biting her fingers for about 10 months now, since she started reception year. She now has lumps on her fingers caused by scar tissue and infections. I am taking her to the nurse today, thinking she will get diagnosed with skin picking disorder (we are UK). Not sure how much they will do to help her as they continue trying to blame my parenting. I have done 6 parenting courses. Parenting SEND children is honestly so difficult, so thankless and no one helps you.

    I am wondering what is going on at school and why she leaves so sensitive. I wonder if it is a build up of trying to fit in over the day and masking. I worry she is being bullied by a couple of kids also (she tells me she was pushed at one point and called a baby by one boy). Also I think the isolation she feels from leaving at different times and being unable to make those connections is finally getting to her. It upsets me so much to see her like this. I have chronic illness (hEDS, fibromyalgia and a blood clotting disorder). Last week I was in hospital with a ruptured ovarian cyst, today I have the migraine from hell (I get bad pain, nausea, aura, blurred vision and unusual smells) and I feel like I can barely walk. Hubby is at work, I have no family near to help. I have to get my daughter into school with my 3 year old in tow. She doesn’t really want to go. Her attendance is already very poor (less than 60%). We are awaiting an EHCP assessment.

    I just feel so alone with it all. I am struggling with my own health, my children’s extra needs. How do I calm my daughter’s anxiety? How do I make my GP give us extra help? I have considered taking her out of school and homeschooling her but I feel I am not well enough or capable of that. I am worried about her biting her fingers and causing herself serious infection as her fingers look so scarred and awful and her hygiene is not good (she impulsively touches herself down below and always plays in dirt) and I am forever trying to get her to wash her hands and nails.
    My anxiety is through the roof. Just looking for support really also as in very short supply from other parent/carers from her school.

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    Covid Quarantine Activities

    How many days of Covid quarantine does it take to finish a 1000 piece puzzle? 2 1/2. Now what should I do?

    #COVID #quarantine #Isolation #activities