icantdoit

My mother in law has been in hospice for a little over a week and tonight is likely her final hours. I’ve gotten a couple calls from family telling me that they’re on their way over to the house and asking if I’m going to go over there too.
I am not.
I have been struggling with a depressive episode for almost a month now and I just don’t have the energy to go over there, especially at this time of night. I’ve already gone to visit her a few times since she’s been in hospice so I feel like I’ve made peace with her passing already.
I could hear the disappointment in their voices when I said no and rambled some excuse for why. Now is not the time to tell them I can’t go to be in a house full of sad people when I’ve already been sad for weeks. I feel like I’ll just deal with this new sadness tomorrow. #Depression #DepressiveEpisodes #Noenergy #icantdoit

Ugh, today is one of those days, where my pain tolerance just isnt enough and I feel like Im talking myself 'off the edge' all day. I have little mantras or sayings that I often say quietly to myself or in my head to help me cope with pain when its really bad or just hasnt let up in a while.

Its just too much though when I cant breathe or think without being in pain. It doesnt help that I had another useless follow up appointment with my Dr where I asked him multiple times for literally anything to help and his answer as it always seems to be is lets wait and see.

I dont know how much worse it could be or why other people including my doctor dont get it. Everything hurts!! Pushing the handle to flush the toilet--hurts! Standing up--hurts! Breathing--hurts! Trying to get dressed, lean over, put food on a plate, wash my hands, etc..--hurts!!

My coping skills are never enough, I always seem to end up collapsed on the floor or curled up in bed just trying to convince myself that its okay and Ill survive.

How often do you find yourself having to 'talk yourself down' from dealing with the pain??

#icantdoit #Everythinghurts #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #Jointpain #Migraines #allpainallthetime

No energy to deal with death #DepressiveEpisodes

Talking myself off the 'pain ledge'

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