depressive episodes

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    Can’t sleep

    It’s half past 5 in the morning and I haven’t slept a wink! I’m at a really low ebb. The thoughts and feelings of hopelessness that have plagued me since I was a child are back in full force! I never know how long these episodes will pass until I can pretend to be "okay" again. Even though I can’t sleep I also can’t get myself out of bed. The only person I have to talk to is my mother and she already has her hands full! What do I need to do to keep from killing myself?! #DepressiveEpisodes #erlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BP

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    Down again.. #DepressiveEpisodes

    I feel down
    I feel depressed
    I feel alone
    I feel miserable
    I feel nothing
    I feel like I'm a burden
    I feel like I'm falling under the weight of everything
    I feel empty
    I feel powerless
    I feel hopeless

    I don't even feel the urgency to live in the moment. No sadness, no joy. I have the impression of waiting for life, or waiting for death. To wait for things to change because I'm not there to change them. I feel trapped under life. Under the choices of this one.
    Too often I'm afraid to live, I'm even afraid to die. Too crazy to really live her life. But not enough to stop it.

    Wanting to cut yourself, without even seriously achieving it...
    Because anyway, I never finish anything. Not even when I want what's good, not even when I don't want it. Simply taken here, in nothingness.

    Stupid depressive feeling, which is not even intense enough to really suffer, to end it. Simply destructive enough to wipe out my advances and remain miserable here.

    Who am I going to see? Who can really understand when even I feel like I don't feel anything... And I have no reason, or I don't see the reason why I feel like that.

    Why are you not okay? I do not know. I just don't feel anything. Absolutely nothing. I want nothing. boredom surrounds me. I procrastinate again. I want to suffer to at least feel the heat, the pain...something quickly. I
    During this moment, to physically suffer to forget, this state.

    The pain is felt more easily, more quickly than the effort to really get better or the feelings hidden behind this familiar state.

    Stupid, solid! 🤦‍♀️

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    What do you do when you are aware of a depressive episode, but cannot seem to break the mindset?

    Recently, OK let’s be real the last few days, I’ve been stuck in a depressive episode.

    I’ve been getting better at recognizing the signs so as soon as I felt it coming I started going through my list of things I do to help intervene. Once it hit, I then went through my self-care list, but everything has just been temporary relief.

    I find it very frustrating to be cognizant of my mood, but entirely unable to shift it. It’s almost worse than not understanding the source of the feelings in some ways.

    When I chatted with my therapist about it (which as a side note, I am seldom in a session WHILE I’m in a depressive episode so it was easier to explain what’s happening in my brain) she said that it’s OK to be doing everything “right” and still not feel OK because I know this is something that will pass. Even if I don’t feel “better,” doing that self-care will at minimum keep me from continuing to go downhill.

    So to answer my own question, I will keep going through my list and asking for support when I am able to (because I don’t know about you, but I shut down inwardly and cannot always verbalize what I need).

    Do you ever find yourself in this situation? What do you do?

    #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #Depression #Hypomania #MentalHealth #DepressiveDisorders #DepressiveEpisodes

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    Learning about Dysthymia and how to manage it

    On today's podcast episode, I speak with Chris Templeton. Chris has struggles all of his life with a mood disorder, Dysthymia. He did not receive a proper diagnosis until 1 year ago. The diagnosis has helped Chris to understand why he has been struggling for so long. Chris has since sought help and is now able to manage his diagnosis.

    Listen to today's podcast episode to learn about Dysthymia, it's symptoms, and how to manage it.

    accordingtodes.com/84-2

    #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #DepressiveEpisodes #Depression #mentalhealthpodcast #DepressionSigns #signsandsymptoms

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    Tired

    I’ve always used art to cope with certain feelings and express emotions depending my depression.
    It was important for me, that I manage to express the exact feeling I had and that it would have an impact on the viewer. That people would feel the emotions while looking at the artwork.
    Since a few days I’m struggling with anxiety attacks and a lot of crying.
    There doesn’t have to be a special cause for it, sometimes I’m just watching a series and someone says something that triggers me and then it just starts to happen.
    I’m crying and my eyes are burning. There are reddish stains above my face, my eyes and my nose have a red undershot.
    In this moment it feels like I’ll never be able to stop crying but within a moment, it stops. The tears stop and there’s only this empty look in my eyes left as I stare into the mirror.
    And I feel so tired.

    #Depression #MentalHealth #DepressiveEpisodes #Art #ArtTherapy #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack

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    Swirl

    Until now I’ve been through three big depressive episodes throughout my life. The last two years, I held my shit together and it went well, but the past half year was really tough. My last big decision was to quit my current job because it’s so overwhelming for me and definitely not good for my mental and physical health. The decision itself felt so liberating and the four weeks off from work, being at home and concentrating on art got me my motivation back. I have so many things I want to do and to aim in the future but just a few days later the anxiety started.
    What if I don’t find a better job that fits my imaginations? What if I don’t have enough money? Will I be able to reach all the goals I set for myself?
    These thoughts are so overwhelming that I sometimes can’t get out of bed anymore. I’m just sitting there and I’m not able to move a centimetre. I feel that I have to cry but I can’t. When I try to sleep, a thought comes and makes my heart beat faster, the anxiety gets so heavy.
    I never wanted to be in this state anymore.

    I did this painting when I had my second depressive episode. I used my art to cope and express the feelings I had at this time.
    #Depression #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #DepressiveEpisodes

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    Sad.

    Feeling really sad today… a little more then usual. I’m scared of the future and my heart aches. I don’t want to be alone forever.
    #DepressiveEpisodes #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #sad #FearOfAbandonment

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    Feeling so numb…

    I just don’t know what to do anymore… I feel so lonely all the time and can’t turn my brain off… I just want someone to care about me…
    #SuicidalIdeation #DepressiveEpisodes #feelinglonely #MajorDepressionDisorder

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    Trying to find my faith again

    I’ll make a long story short. I lost my faith in God several years ago due to a traumatic experience. I have felt his pull every since then to open my heart to him. Like many of us do, about 6 weeks ago I hit rock bottom into the longest and worst depressive episode I’ve ever experienced. I’m still dwelling in it. I’ve asked God back into my heart, cried out to him, begged for forgiveness, pray for others as well as myself all the time but I feel like he doesn’t hear me? Am I doing something wrong? Reading this sounds silly but I’m so serious I just feel he’s abandoned me and this depression gets worse every day. #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #Spirituality #christ #DepressiveEpisodes #needhelp