IDontEvenKnow

so there’s quite a bit of family drama going on at the moment. I mean, I’m not part of it much like I’m not part of the family in general, but it triggers me to see these things on social media.
arguments about the way the older generation raised us, about how family loyalty is more important than our mental health, about how some of us are being “silly” and “childish” for calling members out on their shitty parenting.. there’s a clique of toxic family members who seem to stay in a pack and slag off the few of us who speak the truth.. my own mother doesn’t bother to check in on me unless she needs a favor. I get lovebombed and guilt tripped into things and when I say no.. wow hell opens up and contact stops again, until the next favor arises. I’m all for doing favours, but it’s difficult to keep giving to people who take and take and take, people who are so say advocates for mental and physical health issues that ignore their own children’s struggles and cries for help. and big talk about family loyalty when my own family don’t bother to ever check in on me.. am I being selfish lol am I even making sense right now #toxicfamily #BPD #IDontEvenKnow #impulsivepost #Motherissues

We had a Halloween party last night that my wife organized. Our close friends were there but people I have never met as well. my anxiety was sky highfor a while, a few hours actually. I took my meds but it admittedly took more than normal. All I wanted to do was hide in my room or go somewhere else, but I knew these were not viable options. My wife was having such a great time, how the hell could I ruin it?!?, talk about being torn. #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety. The meds finally started to take and later on our close friends were mostly the ones left there and that helped. Once everyone left, I was exhausted but couldn't stay asleep. Now my Fibromyalgia is flaring, what a rollercoaster of a weekend. #IDontEvenKnow