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    Setting limits doesn't feel good

    #Depression #toxicfamily #Anxiety #Family #Bullying

    I am living in a house owned by my parents. But I don't live for free: I pay for services (water, electricity, internet, phone, more expenses, etc.), I buy groceries, I clean the house, I take care of my parents by going with them to their doctors' appointments, etc.

    I don't owe my sister and her husband any disclosure about what I provide to this house, and I never do it because is not their business, they are not my bosses.

    They find the chance to tell bully comments implying that I am a drag on my parents, and a failure because I live here.

    Yesterday my mother told a comment that time is not enough for her, immediately my sister looked at me and asked me in a mock way: Why does my mom don't have enough time? Does she have to take you to kindergarten?

    Of course, I told her "stop, stop telling me that kind of comment." Of course, as the bully she is, she told that it "is just a joke."

    Later my mother told me that I shouldn't pay attention to these comments, and I replied to her: so, she has the right and she can mind to tell me those comments, but shouldn't I have the right to defend myself against them?

    The only thing I am sure of is, the day I leave this house, I won't stop supporting financially this house, because I know my parent's retirement money is low.

    For 100000 times, she is the victim, the offended, and I am the ogre :(

    8 reactions 3 comments

    Christmas crap

    I'm struggling so much today, I woke up to complete panic and then sobbed. My husband and I live in a very toxic house (in laws and can't afford to move) and I'm not sure if I can participate in Christmas day because of my mental health right now. I'm sure everyone (other than my husband) will hate me for that and talk about me behind my back. Im just so done with everything. #Bipolar #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Anxiety #Family #toxicfamily #Christmas #Depression #overwelmed #MentalHealth

    24 reactions 12 comments
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    I'm sorry

    I feel like I'm the only one in my family capable of saying "I'm sorry". I say "I'm sorry" too much, honestly, I know that and I'm working on it.. but I feel like most people I encounter, even outside of my family, are either too uncomfortable to say it or don't think of it. If I say I've been hurt by something, people either disappear or blame me for my hurt feelings (too sensitive
    , or I'm making it up because they don't remember it [because I often address things later than in the moment which is something I need to work on], or I'm just being crazy).

    I understand that a person can not be sorry for something.. but it does hurt when I go to someone and say "I felt hurt because of what you did" and it gets passed over or worse.

    Am I toxic for searching for apologies or are they toxic for never saying any... I don't know to be honest.

    #imsorry #apologies #toxicfamily #Depression #Family #Support #processing

    Pic of items that make me feel better

    8 reactions 8 comments
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    Would you consider changing your name?

    In this article Alexander Lockwood talks candidly about the difficult decision he bravely made to change his name due to the trauma he endured.

    I admit I have often thought of this too. I hate my name. Nobody knows how to spell it and frankly it just doesn't feel right, but I'm not ready to make that leap just yet. I did, however, decide last year to celebrate my birthday on a different date because my birthday never felt like it was a celebration for my life, it felt like a celebration for my mother for giving birth and I HATED that.

    Have you ever felt like changing your name or anything else about you that reminds you of your trauma? If so, share below.

    #Trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #toxicfamily #FamilyTrauma #namechange

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    I’m so tired of this shit that’s called life #Borderline #ChronicDepression #NegativeThoughts #restless #toxicfamily

    I am so tired of worrying about my family. My mom doesn't accept me because of the changes from borderline and depression, and my dad just stands behind his girlfriend and blames me for not checking in, even though he never writes either. I mean - does he think this will help me? I had a suicide attempt last New Year's Eve and honestly he could have been thinking. Why should I blame myself when it's not even my fault?
    And somehow my life is going down the drain again, I'm in debt, I'm currently having a depressive episode and I've started a new job which is very stressful. Will everything get better at some point? Yesterday I signed up for a program, called quit the shit. A program that helps people to quit smoking weed. I hope it will get better soon and I can be happy again. Maybe sometime in a few months I'll go to a clinic to do DBT. That is supposed to help borderliners.
    I don’t know, my thoughts keep running and running and running in circles and I can’t do anything to stop it. It’s exhausting.


    Today I decided to cut off my toxic family members after multiple failed attempts to reconcile though they accused me for something I didn’t do.

    #Trauma #toxicfamily #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #IntergenerationalTrauma

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    It's Better To Be Alone Than To Be Abused By Anyone #codependent #CPTSD #NarcissisticAbuse #toxicfamily

    Me with my dad 4 months before he passed away. I edited this photo today as a reminder of strength and discipline; because, "it's better to be alone than to be abused" by anyone.

    Quote from the book, Codependent - Now What?

    It’s Not You — It’s Your Programming by Lisa A. Romano

    Book link:

    #familymobbing #narcissisticadultchildren #scapegoat #DysfunctionalFamily


    I finally See the Truth

    I’m 34 years old and the lightbulb in my mind has finally gone off. I was raised by a narassist with a victim complex. My mom was my best friend for most of my life but after a verbal attack recently that was unwarranted it all clicked. Long story short I was exposed to covid so i isolated and missed my parents 40th anniversary. 3 days after their anniversary I tested positive. My mom went on the attack for not showing up for them on their day. I stayed any for your safety but I’m a horrid person for that? Then once I did test positive I was met with “well I haven’t been able to smell and taste for months” she’s never had covid. It all clicked this isn’t the first time something like this has happened it just the latest. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I have a suicide attempt in my past (which has never and will never be talked about with my family). What the hell do I do? Why am I just not seeing this? I feel so lost and broken. #Depression #toxicfamily


    Spiraling. #toxicfamily #Narcissitparent #CPTSD #LivingWithPOTS #ChronicIllness

    I am having a rough weekend. I am dealing with high temps where we live causing my POTS symptoms to be really severe....which means just being exhausted overall. Then, my toxic bio family has been contacting me again after we have repeatedly told them to leave us alone. They are shaming us for not talking to them and calling us horrible people.

    These people literally act like family is incredibly important to them but in the same breath will berate and attack you and other members of the family. They are gossips, slanderers, and just overall mean people. They are also partially responsible for the state of my health because they neglected my health needs all of my childhood. I have been told repeatedly that had I received care younger my body wouldn't be this bad now. So, I want nothing to do with people who don't love or respect me. It absolutely sucks to be treated so horribly.

    My brain is stuck in a place where I so desperately wish I had a healthy core family....people who loved and cared for me. People who treated me with respect and decency....rather than those who acted like life was a system to get what they desires for themselves. I don't understand what I did wrong to make them hate me so much. The passive aggressive approach they took this weekend hurt me to the core. I am stuck right now and I don't know how to stop the spiral. I am sitting here sobbing over a family that will never change. Blaming myself for never being good enough....for people who literally treat strangers better than they treat their own family.

    But I am stuck there. It sucks and it hurts to not be loved by the people who literally brought you into this damn world. Even though you want nothing to do with them it still hurts. So so much.