happy

Sometimes I have to remind myself of what it means to be #happy and to understand what it means when I feel #sad - these extremes! I am finding it #difficult to find a job, keep a job, and #Grow within the #Job and develop a #Career .

Are you #struggling too?

So I didn't want to share this yet, but for some reason I felt today was the day to let everyone know I signed and he signed the divorce papers! It has been a long, long rode to get to here today. It's a bitter sweet feeling. I still feel like a failure. That I failed my kids who are now 20 and 24 and in a way I did. They had to be around the toxicity and that wasn't good for them. If I could have done things differently I would have divorced a long time ago. I was so vulnerable back then that I didn't trust my own thoughts and feelings because he had manipulated, belittled me, made me second guess myself, the porn!!, the stalking with GPS trackers in the car. The indoor cameras that were all over the house and even in our bedroom. He made me double think my own sanity, the outdoor moving cameras all angles on the house, did I mention the porn!! The cheating, and more cheating and finally the big thing that ended our marriage was the STD he got.. (he says a dirty toilet seat) I knew that it was over at that point.
Now, I am not perfect. I got a bad addiction to opiates and it ran it's course and I did alot of damage in the home. I was miserable with myself with everyone around me, the world. The day I got clean I knew was the end of my marriage. I couldn't deny my feelings anymore. I had to sit with them and really understand why I feel the way I do.
I decided to better myself and really find who I was. I started therapy, I joined a 12 step fellowship. I got a support network. I started to do service in this 12 step fellowship. I got a part time job, started to learn how to apply makeup and make myself look pretty again. I went to school to become a Peer Advocate, and even became a recovery coach! I started too love myself again. I started feeling I wasn't so alone. The more I did the next right thing, the happier I became. I even took domestic violence classes. I started to save money and build a little savings account.. and finally I moved out. So here we are today, finished signing the divorce papers. I am currently living in my own apartment. I am about to work a full time job as a Peer Advocate. Pay my own bills and go back to school to get my masters in Mental Health counseling. I'm living the dream and it only goes up from there.

#happy #caring

I’ve been buying myself a lot of #motivationalshirtsANDsweaters online ever since I found one that spoke to my #soul - and this one sweater pictured here is my favorite one.

It says… “Stay” with added words on the right sleeve… “The world is a better place with you in it.”

Whenever I wear this, my eyes would always drift to my arm and it brings me a little #Hope at a time of getting through this.

I want people to be more #informed and more #aware that the things we go through is a real #illness and that a lot of us suffer from it.

After having a conversation with my favorite #maillady I found out that she too was in my shoes. We both agreed that #oneword or even a #friendlyacknowledgment from someone (that let’s you know that you’re #NotInvisible ) can help us get through the day. Like another shirt of mine says…

“You are #NeverAlone - Keep fighting… everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.”

I just want the #stigmatoend and have people more #aware because in certain cases, not knowing how to react to something in an #Understanding and #positive way, and instead react #negatively , but not on purpose, that their reactions have the ability to #trigger us back downward, or make the rest of our day #happy

If no one told you today…

#youareloved
#youmatter
#youarenotdefinedbyyourillness
#youarenotalone

#happy #Independence #Selfcare

#happy Friday