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    Surprise! A disappointment.

    Well….I am officially 8 weeks pregnant! The surge of emotions is unreal. Anxiety, fear, excitement, worry, happiness, sadness. It’s all just a whirlwind.
    I’ve always wanted to be a mom, just assumed my parts didn’t work. Made it 30 years without anything.
    I feel that no one is genuinely happy for me. We weren’t trying, it was definitely a surprise. And when I finally decided that I couldn’t go through with terminating, things have been weird.
    I really do feel that everyone is just disappointed with me and my decision. Yes, I’m supported because “it’s your body and choice”. But that’s as far as it feels. My choice is respected, but not appreciated.
    Feeling pretty low and alone. ❤️
    Enjoy a picture of my tiny blob.

    #BipolarDepression #sad #pregnant

    13 reactions 5 comments
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    Im sad and depress

    I have a problem. My period is late 3 days. And i dont know
    If im pregnant. I dont know if when should i retake my pregnancy test kit again. I dont know when will implantation bleeding comes? I told my family and my family isnt supportive except my sister. I told my fiance and he doesnt want the baby if i really is pregnant. He told me to eat the medicine for menses to come menses. And im so fed up. Like why why is everyone treating me this way?? I am so sad. I want to keep this baby if really there is one. I hate everyone i feel like cutting again eventho im 500+ days free of self harm. I feel so sad. Really i wannt to die. #Depression #sad #Anxiety #pregnant #Selfharm

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    The Baby and the Butterfly

    The Baby and the Butterfly

    Watching the tiny caterpillar

    emerge from the butterfly’s egg,

    it’s too small to see its heartline.

    The caterpillar knows

    when to shed its skin –

    its heart becoming more visible

    with each molt.

    The black line of the heart

    running the length of its body,

    more visible with every stage of growth,

    that is the caterpillar’s heart.

    The caterpillar knows

    when to stop eating,

    knows when to climb to the top,

    The caterpillar knows

    when to spin its silk button,

    and when to hang upside down.

    The caterpillar takes a deep breath,

    then pushes and contracts,

    again and again.

    Hanging in physical labor,

    contracting for twenty-four hours

    before the change.

    When the caterpillar

    ecloses into a chrysalis,

    one thing remains intact and visible

    throughout the entire transition –

    The heart – the heartline –

    the black line still

    running down its back.

    The heart – pumping life

    into every cell, reminding me…

    Reminding me of the faint

    Linea Nigra that still shows on

    my lower belly after seven pregnancies,

    That dark line enhanced by

    the surge of hormones in my body

    as my babies grew.

    One baby after the other

    – my “black line” –

    - my HEARTline –

    My body knowing

    what it needed to do

    to create a new form of life.

    The magical, physical miracle of

    labor that births both

    the baby and the butterfly,

    is the heartline

    that runs through us all.

    #Poetry #Poem #Writing #Perimenopause #menopause #Hope #Faith #Love #Butterfly #Pregnancy #pregnant

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    Depression during pregnancy #DepressionSymptoms #MentalHealth #Bipolar2Disorder #PTSD

    Nobody knows how hard it is to have no control over your emotions. Having to have mood swings with pregnancy, dealing with a high risk and bipolar2. Taking no pills and doing no therapy. If only you can see the inside of my brain, the thoughts, the dreams, the memories it has. Nobody with a normal brain will ever understand even if they see videos or read books. But you know what? Just as physical health is important mental health is as well. You can't see it but you can feel it. I write my feelings down it control my mood but I would love someone who can listen without judging or assuming. Someone understanding, someone who really cares about my brain, my thoughts, my mental health. Somebody who will be there to support you and not put you down or tell you this is wrong and that's not ok. Depression is no joke, it's not you it's your brain controlling your mind and feelings. Telling you how to feel today. Dark clouds over your eyes not letting you see to know where your walking and making you guess when you will see light again. #pregnant #Prematurity #mom #premature baby stress #EarlyIntervention

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    Y'all I'm so scared

    I'm so scared to give birth again, I have undiagnosed chronic illnesses pots/eds/mcas I suspect I fit them all to a T I have to give birth in 3 weeks or less and I'm so scared as I really don't want the epidural again had a horrible experience last time any advice? Also my boyfriend is the only one allowed in room due to corona and I'm scared without my mom :( I'm young too I'm 20 and I have a 3 year old someone please help me feel a little better I'm also terrified of the after birth and how I'll feel #scared #Pregnancy #pregnant

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    How did/do you deal with bipolar and/or BPD while pregnant? #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    I’m almost 3 months pregnant and since finding out I’m pregnant I haven’t been taking my medication. It has been hell. On me. On my boyfriend. We briefly talked about my mental health diagnosis prior to me becoming pregnant and I think maybe he was a bit naive about how rough it could be and now I feel like I’m being punished. How did you handle it? What made it easier on your relationship? Any and all advice is welcome. How did you talk to your significant other about it in a way they’d understand? Did it get better? #pregnant #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder

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    How do I fix this now guys?

    Okay.....I have to really come to confession now guys. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I am sitting on our back deck crying like an idiot now.

    I told you all about my partner and I splitting a month ago due to his abuse. I stayed with him far too long. What he doesn't know is that my current girlfriend and I started talking and then being together while I was still with him....4 months ago. I felt justified in that he treated me like absolute shit and was not a safe person. If he wasn't screaming at me for something he was physically assaultive. I felt like I had a right to "cheat".I now feel like I made a mistake and fucked up with this amazing girl. And now I have to fix this. I am so fucking worried now guys.

    She just got back after she drove to her mom's...they got in a fight. She decided not to stay. She now told me why. She told her mom that she is pregnant. She has ONLY been with me for the last 3 months. She was sobbing guys. I didn't know what else to do or say so I just held her and told her I was sorry....and that we would figure it out. Her mom told her not to come back. I am not an ass...she can absolutely stay here and I will do whatever she needs and wants.

    But right now....I am scared. I am worried. And I feel like an absolute asshole. I lied to people. I feel like I have really fucked up here. She told me she is okay and that she isn't upset that we are pregnant. But I feel terrified that tomorrow she will feel differently.

    And I am sorry for things I lied about here. I just didn't want to be seen as a dick. When I left my partner she and I talked about trying to back off and start "fresh" but she kept asking to stay over. I didn't want to push her away so I said yes to her staying. I don't know what to do now. I love this girl. I just am afraid to fuck this up.

    #Anxiety ##PanicAttack #pregnant #Abuse

    9 comments
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    am I a bad mother...

    lately I just been stuck in my head and my depression is getting to me.. am I a bad morher for begging god to just take me and leave my son with my family and make him happy 😭 I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I just keep thinking how better off my son would be without me because I'm always so depressed and neg I try for him for when he is finally here but u just cant. I constantly find myself fighting with my spouse too and I just feel like I ruined my spouses life as well I find myself praying and crying sometimes that during delivery I just die and my son gets to be with his father and both our families i just feel like i cant do this like i just need to disappear as if nobody need me in their life.. please help 😭😭😭 #Depression #lost #help #mothertobe #pregnant #Hormones #Emotions #needhelp #needadvice #Death #Loosing #loosingcontrol

    21 comments
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    #pregnant wife with #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    she is pregnant and will not even hug me. she is in first trimester and says I stink too much of cigarettes and will make her vomit. is this possible or is it her pushing me away or both? even when I have brushed my teeth and showered she says the same. please advise it is very confusing as it was never a problem and we just got married
    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

    5 comments
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    Another

    So another month and aunt flow paid a visit screaming #Not #pregnant. Every month this #infertilite status is rubbed in my face. I try to act normal but I can’t. Not with this monthly reminder. I don’t want to continue my #Medication anymore. I’ve lost the will to try.