Imagoodperson

I don't know how to feel anymore. Had a bad fight with my youngest child pay week and all I can do is feel bad. She's 24 and very mean/toxic to me. I left her dad when she was 2. He was physically and emotionally abusive. All I can see in her now is him. Same rage, same hatred towards me. Veggie leaving she said she wishes I die alone in a mental hospital. I've been trying to let it go and think of all the reasons why in a good person. But, it isn't easy. It hurts like hell. Honestly, makes me wish I was dead. I didn't every want to be in this kind of situation with any of my kids. Last night she messaged me to tell me I am nothing to her. What do I do? Other than cry?

Last night ‘the dark’ entered my head... it was so bad but I remember very little...
I remember my 6 yo asking me if I was alright and I was talking to her trying to answer but nothing came out, I was being held prisoner in my own head and being told really horrible nasty things about me... at one stage the urge to plunge a knife through my heart was so clear I somehow managed to throw it across the room... but in the morning the reality was that I had already butchered my arm...
I don’t want to end my life but I’m starting to feel like the dark will take over one day and I will never feel anything ever again
#Imagoodperson #Pleasedontjudgeme