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#no laughing matter

Every single day no laughing barley a smile. My life is miserable and almost unbearable. In my life I have nothing to laugh about. I’m trapped in an abusive relationship and it’s not fun funny or happy in any way.


Food for thought!

Some know my history (somewhat) and some might not. I wanted to share something I believed going into the rehabilitation center; for drug abuse and domestic violence, that we as humans can change our way of thinking by ; "rewiring our brains "! Example: drug addiction, avoiding people, places and things that remind us of our using days. Essentially you're rebuilding new positive habits. Which also means, we are changing the way we think, "rewiring our brains ". As far as my C-PTSD, I had to face my triggers in a safe environment with people I trust. This over time reprograms my brain to see that; my head being touched doesn't necessarily represent danger or future trauma. Essentially, replacing memories of bad touch with memories of good touch. But again, I had to rewire the way I looked at many many different areas of my life. My Motto now is: "Come What May". Either way I refuse to allow stress come back into my life. Whatever is coming my way whether appointments, family, or financial issues, I refuse to stress over it. It's going to happen anyway so I don't need to add and negative emotions into the mix. All that would cause is for me to; allow my mental health be impacted, cause headaches, blood pressure elevated. All things I avoid. My toxic abusive relationship with my ex was 14 months long. I fell in love with the lies he told. It took me a long time to see that it wasn't truly the man I was in love with. By the time I realized I needed to get away before one day he killed me, it was to late. He suspected something and never left me alone. I also believe there is a silver lining in every situation we just have to be patient to be shown what it is. My silver lining is that; I am a survivor and in being one have been able to heal enough were I can share my story and help others just beginning their healing journey. Also, that relationship taught me what I honestly value in my life, and What I will no longer tolerate. Example: my daughter has always been sort of toxic in the way she talks to or acts towards me. But also, I've always been her best friend and I've supported her in her life choices. She also gave birth to my three grandsons. But recently, I've had to place her out of my life because of her toxicity towards me. Yes it's causing added depression but I remind myself that with her gone, missing her and grandsons are less overall stress than having them in my life.

Sorry, if I've gotten off track. I probably have cause I forgot where I was going. But as our biggest advocate for ourselves, we need to take the steps that is "Best" for us and not just going along to keep the peace! Document any symptoms new or old and keep notes so we can actually show doctors what we are struggling to remember or put in words. If we don't feel a certain doctor isn't helping, we have the right for a second opinion or to find a different doctor. Asking around for recommendations. Find several hobbies; trust me, I need several cause my body reacts differently to different activities. So I have to switch them up periodically.

May everyone reading this have God's Devine blessings and be able to accept what life has given you. Embrace it, learn from it so you too can share "your life experiences " with others

#EhlersDanlosSociety #Life with C-PTSD #mighty Art Room #lift Me Up #Chat Space# Distract Me #RapeSurvivors #MentalHealth #Conquor Your Mind #emotional Abuse Survivor #no Shame

8 reactions 3 comments


No matter how long they beat you down, how long they cheat, how long they steal what means the most to you! Never quit!
I was honest with my feelings and wanted a good marriage and family! Instead I was ridiculed and put down by the man I married. Now he wants a divorce and I will be free! #freedom #no more abuse #I deserve love

2 reactions 1 comment

Fruit is the enemy

Saw a gorgeous bowl of cut fruit @ Festival & thought “I like fruit”. Got it home& ate a strawberry when the pain reminded me that fruit hurts. I ate the honeydew which is literally me chewing on a crayon. Do any of you do this? It’s so disappointing #no you don’t


Why do we label ourselves SURVIVORS

I’ve read so many posts about being a SURVIVOR, whether it’s a survivor of sexual, emotional, domestic, or childhood abuse. To be honest every person on the planet is a survivor of something. I’m a nurse, working in a major hospital, and I can tell you that I’ve seen plenty of terrible things that people have survived. Actually just the act of being born is being a survivor! I don’t want to be defined by either my mental health, or as a survivor of abuse. I want to be known as Eleanor. A unique person, like everyone else, who has a lot to offer the world not just the fact that she survived. #no more labels

1 reaction 2 comments

I'm not paranoid people really don't like me

#Dysthymia #BlackCloud #no hope
My friends, adult sons, family actually told me I'm crazy. Even my 90 year old mother. My two adult sons won't talk to me. When I tell people they think it's my fault because I act weird. If I do, it's the depression talking. . I'm depressed so no one wants to talk to me which makes me more depressed #Dysthymia #Paranoid #depressed #negative


Newbie #no drinking

Hi. My name is Terri. I'm 55 with a drinking problem. Not nearly as bad as it was. I found out I was bi polar and was self medicating...a lot. After years of trial and error meds and counseling I'm much better but still need that now monthly fix. I went for weight loss surgery got all my clearances EXCEPT psych. Go figure. Apparently I now have to abstain from alcohol for a year before she will clear me. Quite an unexpected bump in the road. I haven't had a drink since April 3rd an even that didn't agree with me ( lack of substance in my stomach) but that doesn't stop the cravings. That's where I need help. I want this surgery so bad and have worked hard for it so you would think not drinking would be easy. The decision not to drink is easy. Following through is killing me. Please help me out

1 reaction 5 comments

No-drama parenting

Reading No-drama parenting. So far it’s a good read. No one (author) suggesting I let the chillin’s run wild and grow up like weeds, experiencing the world on their own terms. I’m on board with what I’m reading so far.
Having grown up in the era of “spare the rod, spoil the child”, and admittedly was a parent who incorporated that same disciplinary action with my four children, I see the error in that line of action. That’s not to say my children grew up to be bad adults, far from it. They are all successfully living lives in this world, but with some inherent problems courtesy of me.
Now I find I’m living with my youngest daughter and her family helping raise three of my eight grandkids. I have to admit, it’s more difficult at my age than it was in my twenties and thirties in many ways. But here I am, and I want to do it differently, better. Owning my mental health issues, working on not transferring them to my grandkids and helping them learn how to navigate problems they have. So hard for them to not get upset over things adults find to be so trivial, and still be loving and kind so they learn how to manage their emotions, be more cooperative, kind, considerate, and not try to kill anyone. Yes there are tears and some of those are mine, but it’s worth it, they’re worth it.

#no -dramaparenting


#no idea what to do now

I went to a new doctor today hoping….praying…like a fool…that I might get help. My medication is making me SO sick and even more depressed. I literally can’t take it anymore. All the hurt, the abandonment and people not understanding….it’s exhausting….I can’t go into a hospital because I will loose my job…no job no insurance , no income. No family or friends. I don’t know or understand why I just can’t die.
#MajorDepressiveDisorder # #