Trapped

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    One of those days.

    Most days are hard for me but these kind of days are terrible. I have things I know need to be done. I even planned what times to do what things. I'm desperately trying to stay on track. But my brain gets flooded by a million different thoughts and feelings. So many that I get so overwhelmed. Days like this, I often get stuck inside my head. Inside I'm having an intense battle with my depression, my anxiety and all my other demons. But on the outside, I'm just paralyzed. For a brief moment, I'll snap back to reality and realize I haven't even moved in a while. Then I'll feel lazy and guilty that I've just been laying in bed. Questioning myself on how I can be so tired while doing nothing. So I'll try to stay on schedule. I'll try to push through it and get things done. But I just get more and more drained. And eventually I find myself back again. Trapped inside my head. #Depression #anxiety #Trapped #Guilt

    1 reaction 26 comments
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    Beyond Help? #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #PanicDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #Trapped

    I didn't get much sleep because my boyfriend had it too hot in the room (we're in a motel because he lost his house) and I'm in menopause, and have hot flashes. I had to get up early because housekeeping was coming. I'm exhausted and feel sick. My boyfriend told me he's sick of housekeeping day because he has to remove stuff off my bed. I've asked and asked for bins and some help so I could sort things and put others in storage. He says hurtful things, ignores or interrupts me every day, snaps at me, etc. He sends me a few dollars on a Starbucks card so I can eat (egg bites) and drink for dinner, and three times he's sent ones that say, "I Love Annoying You." I wany my freedom, and I want to take my cats and personal property with me. He's told me I'm a burden, and I don't want to be a burden. Every place I've contacted tells me they can't help me because I've "got too much going on." My OCD limits me greatly, but I just want to move NOW. I have no money. I mean, I get SSDI, but it doesn't cover all my needs, which have worsened as I've grown older. I have more physical issues now. I want out. I want OUT! I WANT OUT! I'm not suicidal, so don't misunderstand. I'm terrified of dying. I just don't want to keep going back to him. There's so much more, but I'm so sleepy.

    And no, I have no friends or family. Apparently, I'm an awful person.

    #Abuse

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    What feelings are tied to the moments you feel triggered?

    For me, it’s always about feeling helpless. Sometimes it’s about feeling trapped too. But on my worst days, it’s like BINGO and I’ve got the whole row. The best I can do is give myself grace in those moments. I hope you will give yourself a little bit too.
    ———
    #CPTSD #PTSD #AnxietyAttack #Anxiety #triggered #feelings #Grace #findinghope #MyCondition #bingo #Bekindtoyourself #ItsOK #helpless #Trapped #fearful #giveyourselfgrace #progress #Trauma #AnxietyTriggers #triggers

    12 comments
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    Scared #Burden #Trapped

    I don't know how to describe this feeling. I feel trapped. It's so confusing and scary. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to come out to anyone, feels like a burden now.

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    #getting away #Escape

    I am lucky. My parents are housebound, and my mom has dementia. I have claustrophobia and PTSD but can get out and away from the "normal world". Working from home has been hard but i enjoy drives like I did Sunday. See new things. I think it hrlps me feel less trapped in my own mind. #Trapped

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    Over thinking #BPD # Anxiety # Depression #

    When being trapped in your own head is the worst place for you to be yet you can't seem to leave sadly it's becoming like home to me I find myself there more and more and know one seems to notice or even care.. Over the years I've learned to fake happy very well.. I over think everything no matter how big or small hell I'm doing right now.. That voice in my head that never goes away she's always there and yes I did say she and she's not trusting not is she nice everyone is out to get her out to hurt her at least that's what she thinks ie me myself I use to call it my back bone but obviously it's not... I'm this way because of the shit I've been though in my life I've held on to so much pain and hate , hurt that I've lost myself and the person I was before I slipped into my own little world
    #BPD # Anxiety # Depression #Trapped

    1 comment
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    Trapped in the present

    When I try to think about or plan for the future, my mind invariably goes to how similar scenarios went in the past - jobs, goals, relationships, etc. The future feels impossible and the past feels oppressive, leaving me feeling trapped in the present.

    When I shared this with a counselor this morning, her response was to ground myself in the present.

    This essentially means to me that I am being advised to reflect on the features of my prison in order to feel less trapped.

    I'm so tired of being stuck here. I'm so tired of being told to take one moment at a time. I'm so tired of feeling unable to move forward with my life.

    #stuck #Trapped #pastpresentfuture #goals #Depression #Anxiety #Trauma

    2 comments
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    Stuck

    Last month I decided to quit my mood stabilizer and antidepressant cold turkey (so not a good idea, I am seeing a new dr in just a few days) and at first I *thought* I was doing okay but as the weeks have passed I am barely hanging on by a thread. If I’m totally honest the reason I’m even still here is because of my family. My husbands mother committed suicide and I can’t do that to him, he’s also promised to make sure our children think it’s their fault if I ever do anything. At what point does my sadness and misery outweigh their needs? I have a history of self harm and have managed to stay safe so far but it calls for me. I’m just so sad and there are too many reasons why, they’re all big picture sadness. World issues, poverty, mental illness, this election I mean you name it and I will probably start to cry over it. I don’t think I’ve cried so much in years (that would be the only positive of going off the meds is really really feeling again) I don’t know where I’m going with this or why I’m writing it all out. I take that back I do, I’m distracting myself. If you made it this far have a cookie from me
    #SuicidalThoughts #PTSD #BipolarDepression #Trapped

    8 comments
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    Feeling very trapped. Could use any advice at all right now. #EmotionalAbuse #NarsissisticPartner #Trapped #CheckInWithMe

    To try and make a long story short, I have been in a long-term relationship with someone for about a year and a half now, we live in a small apartment together. Our relationship started out beyond perfect (what I now know is “love-bombing”) Things started to unravel about 6 months in when I realized my bf had a heavy drinking problem along with substance abuse. But he promised over and over that he was going to keep working on getting better. So, we ended up singing a lease and moving in together. His black out drinking and verbal/emotional abuse continued for awhile. And while this was occurring I was getting sicker and sicker (multiple autoimmune conditions), I ended up in the hospital 4 times between November-March and got diagnosed with secondary adrenal insufficiency, during which time he did stop the drinking. But in January I then found out he had another problem-sex addiction. He has been messaging other women on cam girl sites since the very beginning of our relationship, even attempting to meet up with some for sex. I just caught him for about the 10th time now, and I just can’t take it anymore. I want to believe him when he says it’s the last time but his apologies seem worthless now. I haven’t been able to work in months since being diagnosed with the adrenal insufficiency, my car broke down a few months too, to which he promised to get me a new one no problem as he makes very good money, but of course that never happened and I can’t help feeling like it’s all too keep me trapped here with him.
    I guess I’m just hoping to hear from anyone who has gone through something similar and had it turn out okay. Because right now I feel entirely hopeless and helpless.

    13 comments
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    I feel scared and alone #CheckInWithMe

    I feel scared and alone. My throat literally feels tight. I shouldn't feel this way because things are going good for me, but i do. Im still waiting on my covid results which should be here this week, and im scred that i might not wake up. What do i do if i have it? Im probably super dehydrated and feel trapped in my own body and brain. Its like i feel everything going on around me. I moved into my new apartment and its my first time living alone alone. Theres so much stuff everywhere and i dont have the energy to put things away. I want to crawl into a corner and just ignore the world. I was doing fine with the pandemic until a few weeks ago and now its like walls are closing in. I want to feel normal and right again. #Anxiety #pandemic #covidtest #alone #OnEdge #Trapped

    3 comments